» Caught!

Caught robbing a house aged 6...
Way back when I was around 5 or 6 I used to live in a shitty council house in a shitty part of town. There was a building site on the road, a few run-down factories around the corner ideal for climbing, a reclusive millionaire, and some proper villainous characters who you'd never want your children hanging around - hell for the parents, but paradise if you're a 6 year old boy. In this case there were 3 of us, Rob and Jamie were my two partners in crime.

It's the reclusive millionaire who forms the main part of the story, he was a fat jolly looking white bloke, with a full-on white beard, and a propensity for giving out sweets and pennies. Kids as we were, we were absolutely convinced that he was Father Christmas, who else could he be... Fat, big white beard, massive trucks full of untold goodies, how lucky were we? We lived on the same road as Santa!

Christmas was getting nearer and nearer, and we're getting hungry for presents. Rob suggests we go straight to the source.

"But he'll know it's us..." I lament "he won't give us any presents."
"It don't matter, we'll have all the presents anyway" says Jamie

You can't argue with that sort of logic. So off we go, hop over Rob's garden fence as he lives next door, break into Father Christmas' house and ransack it in search of presents. We can't find any so we eat all his cupcakes and sweets, then leg it.

2 hours later he gets back and calls the police. He thinks someone's found out about his cash and wanted his bank details and stuff. Rob's parents go out, whilst we sit in the living room awaiting our fate. I try to leg it, but Rob and Jamie force me to stay.. the cunts.

Suddenly it happens, Rob's Parents burst in, followed by the cops, and an angry Father Christmas.

"DID YOU BREAK INTO RONNIE'S HOUSE?!"
Shit... when faced with a situation like this, always attempt a denial.
"Erm.... no...."
"Where did you get those cupcakes you had earlier then?"

Oh shit, we're busted... None of us say a word. They badger us on and on, and none of us break the silence. Did someone put us up to it? Were we playing a game? They keep on at us until suddenly Rob bursts into tears.

"We only wanted the presents.." he sobs.
They all look round confused - what presents?
"WE'RE SORRY FATHER CHRISTMAS!!" he bawls.

I have never seen a room of stern adults collapse so completely into fits of laughter. All apart from Father Christmas, he just looked red. Guess he wasn't so jolly after all.

And he never gave us sweets again V_V

Apologies for length, I was only 6...
(Sun 6th Jun 2010, 20:45, More)