» Caught!

First Parker Pen in space
It was a maths class, that much I remember. Maybe I had finished a test or exam early, it's a bit unclear, but I was bored and had my head on the desk, lying in that side-ways kinda way. My shiny metal Parker ballpoint pen had a very satisfying and strongly spring loaded click.

With my ear on the desk, it sounded very good. After a while of gently clicking the pen against the desk, I realised that the spring-back would pop the pen up and off the desk surface. From mildly jumping off the desk, to my helping it skyward like a shiny spring powered rocket, shooting to the heavens, was a very simple step.

Christ only knows how long I had been doing it (or indeed if I had been making any assisting noises), before I realised the entire class and teacher was looking at with with the slack-jawed disbelief usually reserved for someone who actually shat on the teachers desk.

I usually burn with shame at dumb stuff I've done in the past, but for some reason, this just makes me grin.
(Sun 6th Jun 2010, 9:07, More)

» Bizarre habits

Public pee-pee
Won't happen, no way, no how.

If there are other people around and I'm not in the cubicle, forget it. My bladder sphincter closes tighter than the civil service's austerity measures and nothing happens. When I first found this out as a kid, I was at a camp in the cub scouts and didn't piss for about 2.5 days. To this day, I'm not sure how that is physically possible.

I have no problem using a urinal, or up against a tree while enjoying the great outdoors, but there has to be zero chance of being overseen.
(Sun 4th Jul 2010, 23:47, More)

» Good Advice

The wisest words ever said...
...to me were from my PhD supervisor and they have stood me in great stead ever since.

"There's nothing as over-rated as bad sex, or as under-rated as good shit"

No comment on length
(Wed 26th May 2010, 0:50, More)

» Vandalism

Parmesan
1 - wait for one of your 'friends' to bugger off a couple of days early for the easter break at uni (even better if you dont' actually share the building with him).
2 - gather all the grated ready-to-go parmesan you can by raiding every kitchen you have access to.
3 - with a piece of paper, blow all the cheesy goodness under their door.
4 - allow to mature over the aforementioned holiday, and the extra couple of weeks he took off to earn some cash as a ski instructor.
5 - try not to gag when the room is opened.
6- drink all his duty free grappa in a big making friends session when the cheesy stench is finally removed.

Maybe it's just a jape and not vandalism, but what the hell, I can pea later
(Fri 8th Oct 2010, 11:55, More)

» Vandalism

Remember the children...
If we went into Uni from one of my friend's flats, we'd pass a little development of new homes. One of the homes that faced onto the main road had a small child's climbing frame and slide thingy in the front garden. Walking past that house would usually start the discussion about "How 'larious would it be to move that to another garden one night?" Well after a year or so, we finally found out that when really quite drunk, it was (even though one of our number almost chickened out when the thing started to topple over) but crashing avoided, the jape was completed.

Unfortunately, It was like breaking the beer seal on a night out. Wheely bins got stacked 3 or 4 high (still not sure how the hell we managed that) and I seem to remember gnomes moving gradens etc. Nothing really malicious, just pant-wettingly funny.

The coup de gras came when we scaled some huge stone wall into a set of private flats with the sole intention of taking as much graden furniture as we could from the lowest balconies and arranging it on the grass. All going well, until our SAS-like tittering woke someone up and they came out with powerful torch shouting like there had been a murder. We legged it and all giggled muchly at the time and for the next few years as well.

That said, if I found someone doing that to me today, I'd probably shoot them (if I had a gun)....
(Fri 8th Oct 2010, 11:49, More)