b3ta.com user henry's cat
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for henry's cat:
Profile Info:


Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Food sex

The curious incident of the dog in the night time
Not strictly on topic but close enough....

Many moons ago when I was a teenager, my friends and I had a party or two during the summer hols and these, more often than not, involved a large amount of alcohol and japery.

Now we had a friend, lets call him Steve, whose 'party trick' was tapping you on the shoulder and showing you his penis, often turgid. As you can imagine this joke got pretty old pretty quickly so we hatched a cunning plan to exact our revenge...

One morning after the night before, Steve groggily wakes up on the sofa with his one-eyed-spitting-cobra being chewed on by his dog. The thing was in tatters and all we were doing was standing round him and laughing. That split second before he realised that we'd stuck a sausage in his fly and set the dog on him is one that will stay with me to my death bed.

He still shows us his penis though.

(Tue 11th Aug 2009, 13:44, More)

» When Animals Attack

"A swan can break a man's arm, you know."
How many times have you heard people give you this interesting 'fact'? Lots I expect. Yet how many b3tans have or know anyone who has had their arm broken by a swan? I've never heard of it happening. So either society is one big fat liar or I've been sheltered from reports of canal-Nazi attacks my whole life.
(Fri 25th Apr 2008, 10:19, More)

» Useless advice

My Dad, being the nice sort of chap he is, decided to feed the birds that land in our garden. So off he popped to the garden centre and bought a massive 10kg bag of bird friendly peanuts. On closer inspection the back of the bag read..."Warning, may contain nuts." MAY contain nuts? I should f**king hope so.
(Thu 19th Oct 2006, 23:39, More)

» Local Nutters

In the hole that is Bedford we have a man commonly known as Mad Ricky. He will ALWAYS ask you for change and if you're lucky he will try and sell you something stolen or fake aftershave.
He also has schizophrenic tourettes. So he argues with himself randomly and very loudly.
He scares me.
(Thu 16th Sep 2004, 13:05, More)