» "You're doing it wrong"

That's not how you make coffee.
As an 18-year-old A-Levels drop out, I managed to get myself employment as an office junior at a small machinery retailer. My job was simple: input customer data, order stationery and make coffee. That was it. Problem was, I'd never actually made coffee before.

Thinking it was somewhat similar to hot chocolate, I put three teaspoons of coffee into the mug, added sugar, water and a splash of milk and delivered it to the boss, who had requested it.

About two minutes later, he came into my office and requested that I join him in the kitchen. He then went on to show me how to make coffee properly, talking me through it as if I were a retarded six-year old learning how to use the lavatory for the first time.

I never quite forgave him for being such a condescending prick, but I did get my own back on him by adding some "special extras" to his coffee on more than one occasion.
(Fri 16th Jul 2010, 10:31, More)

» Ouch!

Never touch a cat that's been rolling in bleach
Whilst settled in front of the TV one evening, I smelled bleach coming from somewhere in the living room. I found this rather odd so I decided to investigate. I eventually found it to be coming from my cat Stirfry. Thinking "Oh crap! He's got at the bleach and is covered in it" I rush to my beloved kitty's aid. Big mistake. Stirfry savaged my right hand, biting and clawing it into a huge bloody mess.

If you've ever been bitten or scratched by a cat, you'll know that it hurts. Having your hand savaged is excruciating. It was also very, very quick. One minute, my hand was fine. The next, it was red and throbbing with pain.

Ex-Mr Cupcake rushed into the room to see what was going on, as he had heard a high-pitched "AAAAHHH!" He found me clutching my bloodied hand in agony and a very unhappy kitty hissing in the corner. We (somehow) managed to get him to the vet to get checked over. I can't really remember how as I think I was in shock. After Stirfry was given the OK, I was then taken to casualty and it turned out that I required stitches and a shot.

The mystery of the bleach-covered kitty was easily solved, as Ex-Mr Cupcake revealed that he had put some cleaner down the plughole in the bathroom sink, but hadn't shut the door properly. Stirfry had managed to open the bathroom door and had climbed into the sink to have a kip (as he was prone to do) and in doing so had got the bleach on his kitty form.

Stirfry was fine. There was no permanent damage. He was back to his usual playful self a couple of days later, and to this day I still have several scars on my hand from the kitty savaging.
(Fri 30th Jul 2010, 13:03, More)

» Absolute Power

DANCE PUPPETS, DANCE!
Being a GM is like having God-like power over all of your friends. It is incredible. Pity that it's not for real and involves a lot of dice. Meh.
(Fri 9th Jul 2010, 9:19, More)

» Bizarre habits

Just making sure
There used to be a time when I couldn't leave the house without checking that the lights, shower, taps, hob and oven were switched off. Sounds like a pretty standard practice when one is going out, right? Doing it several times and then coming back to the house more than once just to make sure? Most definitely a case of OCD. I also had to thoroughly check that my door was locked before I would be happy leaving the vicinity of my flat. These two things combined often meant I was late for work. I put it down to living on my own for the first time and being paranoid about fires and thieves.

I seem to have settled down now and don't do it as much, unless I rush out the house and get an awful feeling that I've forgotten something. I tend to ignore that feeling these days and get on with it.

Unfortunately, this OCDness seems to have transferred from home to work! It has been pointed out by my boss that I have a routine for locking up, which involves:

1. Checking the front shutter is down.
2. Check the aircons in zone 1 and 2 are off.
3. Check the printers are off.
4. Check the aircon in zone 3 is off.
5. Check the shutter is down at the back of zone 3.
6. Switch off the lights in zone 3.
7. Check the kitchen appliances are off.
8. Check the store room door is locked.
9. Check that the offices are locked.
10. Repeat steps 1-9 three or four times.
11. Switch off the lights in the entire workshop.
12. Drop the main shutter and lock the outer door.
13. Walk halfway home and resist the urge to go back and check everything again!

I think I need help ...
(Wed 7th Jul 2010, 13:37, More)