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Taking the past stuff from the past and mixing it with the best stuff from the present makes for an awesome life.
Loves nothing more than to be called names on QOTW by those with brains in the anal region :)

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» Wanking Disasters Part II

Not quite a wanking disaster but almost a bad bad thing.
Back in 1999 and at the tender age of 18. I discovered that I wasnt a total freak out by having a few strange fantasies and a strange fetish. But, I am in the niche area if you know what I mean. For example, a Foot Fetish maybe frowned upon, but a Hands Fetish?? Well thats just different!!!! That isn't even half the story!

So junior IT Techy at work for a large company. Unlogged internet access and a private screen gave me the opportunity to do what I wanted. I had just discovered forums and websites dedicated to my little sexual niche and I was rather young and excited about it all. So I'd quite happily browse said sites and forums at work.

This isn't a "Got caught wanking in the office" post. This was potentially worse.

Engrossed in forum thread full of strange picturs of sexy women doing strange things in strange situations and people talking about these weired things. When suddenly theres a collegue coming round to my desk. In haste I went for the X, and miss clicked.. and accidently hit Print... Which instantly sent a 30 page print of this unexplainable fetish to a very large printer in a very large open plan office. This office was located 2 floors down from where I was.

I have never ran so fast in my life! Arriving at the printer, as its churning out pages and pages of smut. I'm aware of some pleb stood there awaiting his important business report.

If that printer had of been a Face Up printer, then I'd probably be typing this from a cardboard box in the rain right now. But to my luck it was page down and he hadn't discovered the wrath of infinite unforseen freak that was printing right infront of him. It landed in the wrong tray, so he didnt look at it. I managed to grab the prints and destroy the evidence before anyone saw.

Heart pounding, I thanked God for shredders. Somehow I had gotten away with it. I also thank the fact that my default printer wasnt set to the other printer which was 100 miles away.

With enough "I like this" clicks, I might reveal exactly what this stuff was. It wasn't illegal but definately isn't the type of niche roleplaying fantasy stuff you'd want the managing director to see.
(Sat 19th Feb 2011, 21:21, More)

» Tactless

Pregnant Sister in Law
A couple of years ago my sister in law was very pregnant, and very overdue. It was Christmas and the whole family was around watching each other open their presents. My family are a bit posh and her family are even more silver spooned:

I nicely boxed it up, but my present to her was this:


Thought it would help :)
(Mon 7th Nov 2011, 14:13, More)

» Little Victories

Red Hot Pants - Dial up days.
Someone elses story reminds me of this.

Years ago there was an ISP called Red Hot Ant, who offered an 0800 dial up internet access for £65 a year.
I paid my £65 and then hardly ever got a connection, beeing plauged by engaged tones. Once on, gave it an hour, it'd cut off again, and then bam more engaged tones.

Enough was enough, I complained. They did nothing about it. So complained again on a newsgroup for connection problems.
Next minute, i was getting authentication errors whenever I didnt get an engaged tone. They sent a letter through the post saying they had terminated my account due to "Malicious use, and slanderous comments in newsgroups". They refused to give me any refund or part refund. A month of shoddy internet cost me £65!

It was quite obvious this ISP was so over subscribed that they were needing to ditch their users as they couldnt keep up and they were losing money badly.

A week later, I was handed a text file from a friend of a friend of a friend. Which contained a list of every single red hot ant username and password. They had been hacked. Tried a couple of accounts and viola! I was back in.

It appeared that if I was on someones account, it did not actually stop the owner of that account getting on also. As a few of us were using the same account simultaneously with no problem. So I felt it was a victimless crime. I had paid to be on the service, so didnt feel like I was stealing either. (im sure a load of goody two shoes will probably flame me and report me for to the cyber pohlice but I dont care).

Red Hot Ant appeared to become aware of their leak. But instead of forcing a password change to all the users, or restricting the service to 1 simultaneous logon. They put a feature on their site where you could see how many hours you had spent online. I checked one of the accounts I was using, and it said:

"In the last 24 hours you have been online for 8,349 hours". It seemed this file had obviously spread around the internet like wildfire and half the UK was abusing the crap out of the ISP.

Unsurprisingly, Red Hot Ant shut itself down.

For me it was a victory, because I had managed to get what I had paid for by sticking it to the man. But I did feel bad for them, because they had obviously been hacked, exploited and they didn't seem to be capable of taking the appropriate action to protect themselves, and their users.
(Thu 10th Feb 2011, 16:18, More)

» Tactless

Friend of mine.
We were out one afternoon for beers. Proper lads day out. Football etc. We'd got chatting with a bunch of girls. One of which was rather on the large size, but sported a lovely pair of boobs. My mate decided to nickname her "Big Tits", and proceeded to call her that at any time he could.

After about an hour of laughs with a bunch of drunkern British guys, these girls made their excuses and escaped.

Later on in the evening, we found ourselves needing to soak up all the beer with a round of hot curry from a nice indian restaurant in town, washed down with you guessed it, some Indian Cobra beer!
Half way through the meal, some girls walk in. My mate instantly recognising them stands up with a joyous welcome and shouts "Heeeeey its big tits!!!"

The whole restaurant dropped into a deathly silence. My blurred alcoholic senses suddenly sharpened up to reveal the horror that this was not the same group of girls as earlier. My mate had just shouted at a load of strangers, who happened to have innocently gone out for an Indian, referring to the larger of the girls as "Big Tits". Quite how they didn't turn around and run away of embarassment is beyond me.

"Erm, mate, thats not them!" I quietly said. In which his reaction, without a care in the world was "ooh err Sorry! You've still got big tits though!"
(Fri 4th Nov 2011, 13:23, More)

» The Best / Worst thing I've ever eaten

Christmas Morning Mouth Wash.
One story my brothers never let me forget about.
One very excited Christmas morning when we were kids. We were all in the bedroom opening our stockings up. This kept us busy and amused for a bit of time in the morning so that my parents didnt have to get up at 6.30am on the festive day.

I unwrapped a pretty snazzy bottle of blackcurrant juice. I mean what was Father Christmas thinking? I didn't like blackcurrant, I prefer orange!

After munching on many choccies (how could we do that as kids at 6am ?) i was feeling pretty thirsty so decided to head for the blackcurrant despite not particularly liking, and took a damned good mouth full to quench my thirst...
Only it wasn’t blackcurrant...

.. It was bubble bath.

I know i know, not the funniest story in the world. But one of those that was at the time, especially my reaction of utter terror and shock. Witnessed and never forgot by both brothers :)
(Fri 27th May 2011, 13:46, More)
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