b3ta.com user the zord of damocles
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» Biggest Sexual Regret

when I was a nipper I used to earn a few bob doing car washing for friends of my dad
one of them used to have the pride of telling his professional associates his car was personally hand washed by 'his car washing service' despite the fact it was a crappy volvo 240 saloon in average condition in an uninspiring shade of puddle-mud blue and his 'car washing service' was a 14-year old boy.

The cash was useful and his missus was a pleasant 'aunty'-type figure, full of encouragement and chat while her hubs was off at the pub watching football while his wife was home watching after their 3 year old daughter and doing a lot of sighing.

At the time I was obviously a 14-year old full of The Horn and she wasn't unattractive, even if she had a snorty laugh (think Sybil Fawlty here for irritating) and yet, physically curvy (not personal ad 'curvy' meaning chubby, properly 50s starlet hourglass) and I figured her out to be, perhaps, 38? That's not too old to shag if youget it offered you on a plate is it? Even with the orange lipstick?

So anyway, fantasy ran riot in my imagination, that if only the circumstances were correct then maybe she'd one day, open the front door and let me in to the house with a button or two undone from her blouse, and then bend over to get something out of the fridge, catch me looking at her tits and purr' so see anything you want?'.

This never actually happened. Imagination is a sod, after all.

But three years later when she left her husband and took their daughter off to live alone in a cold squalid council house, my mum and dad took her under their wing a bit and seeing that she would spend that Christmas alone , invited her and her young daughter over for Christmas day.

The day starts, everyone is mindful of manners, I'm pleased that this half-attractive woman is making Christmas a bit more interesting than waiting for the queen's speech, let's face it, who wants to secretly check out the queen's breasts below a fluffy knitted tight jumper? But it's the festive season so wine is imbibed, aperetifs are sunk, converstaion gets louder and lewder and eventually the drinkers in the household flag a bit.

Dad turns off the christmas carols on the radio and puts on a bit of slow dance music on Radio 2. The guest lady is tipsy and wants a slow dance but dad dares not oblige with my mum in the same house. The lady approaches me with a sultry grin and a wink and asks me for a slow dance.

Manners override my reluctance and indeed my libido is saying YES! so I politely hold her at arms length while she sashays around the lounge Ummming and Ahhing. When the music ends for the track she murmurs in my ear 'if you weren't so young I'd have my wicked way with you....'

all the rest of my life has been a slightly cross wondering a) what might have been and b) if you're going to sex up a 17 year old then why stop? it's LEGAL!

Fortunately since then I have had sex so have managed to get over it.
(Tue 13th Dec 2011, 0:17, More)

» The Wank Bank

This is going to have to be a post which I don't answer with my main account
as I have been lax and let 'real world' people including family know what my main account ID is. I suspect I am not the only one so I predict this will be a low uptake QOTW.

But anyhew.

BBC2 dramas. C4 dramas. Usually Dennis Potter.

When still young but allowed to watch BBC2+C4 plays because they were drama and so almost like going to see a play at the theatre to my parents' reckoning, a young me got to see some sights.

The Singing Detective, something that I recall as being called 'Beyond The Limit Of Navigation', the Buddha Of Surburbia, Lipstick On Your Collar, The Bluebells. There was certainly a lot of story between the nudes and they weren't always tasteful, i.e. nude dead woman dragged out of the Thames in Singing Detective not so wankworthy. I believe "I, Clavdivs" was also a source of filth although I never caught it myself.

That would be enough to be going on with.
(Thu 23rd Aug 2012, 18:54, More)