» Tightwads

A friend of mine..
The tightest bloke I know. I've never met anyone quite like it. Here are a few examples of his tightness:

Left his cigarettes on a bench in a hostel in Australia. He came back to the dorm, after about half an hour he realized his mistake and goes to fech them, comes back into the room "someones stolen my fucking fags" starts throwing stuff all over the room, punching the walls and kicking things over. I said what's the problem ? calm down, It's just a pack of fags, you got them cheap in Singapore anyway don't worry about it. Wrong thing to say.. His reply was along the lines of "Just a pack of fags? JUST A PACK OF FUCKING FAGS? That's going to cost me about $5". He then storms off to reception and asks the guy behind the desk if he can check CCTV to see who took the fags. The poor bloke was clearly trying to stop himself bursting into a fit of laughter and politely tells my mate he doubts he can do it for a pack of fags, but he will try his best. My mate has another tantrum and then calms down.

Bought me a beer in a club one night. Night ends, everyone goes home, every works for the week and then it's friday again. Me and him decide to meet at the pub for a few pints before we meet everyone else. We're walking to the pub and he turns to me and says "it's your round by the way" I said "okay, that's cool, but why is my round ?" he replies "Yeah, I bought you a beer last friday, you owe me one".

We're out one night (in a little area just outside the town centre). We've had a few beers and the money has run low. Time to visit the hole in the wall. It's mid december, no jackets and we're freezing our tits off. After 5 minutes of wondering we finally find a cash point. So I withdraw my cash, mate goes to withdraw his money. "F**K THAT!" he shouts "What?! You have no money?" I reply "No, this cash point charges £1.25. I'm not using it, we'll have to find another one". I tell him not to be such a tight git and just withdraw from the cash point, he has a tantrum and say's he's not paying to withdraw his own money, asks me to come with him to find another, I decline, eventualy I offer to withdraw him some money from my account, he declines because he doesn't want to have to owe money. What does it take to get him to withdraw from the cash point? I end giving him £1.25 from my wallet and persuading him to withdraw from his account just so we can get back into the warm pub. The tight arse is more than happy to accept, pulls his card out and withdraws his cash and off we go. Could not believe it..

A group of us our for a meal, the food was good, the drinks were good, conversation was good, everyone is in a good mood and everything was fine. We're all ready to move on, so we ask for the bill. Get a bill for around £200. Everyone agrees to split it evenly and chuck in £20 and whoever want's to tip just bung in some change. This is fine with everyone, except of course tight arse! "My meal didn't come to £20, i'm not paying for someone elses food, let me see the bill" Everyones eyes start rolling, everyone puts their jackets back on their laps and slumps into their chairs.. "Here we go" says another mate. He sits there, jots down everything he ate, everything he drank and then gets his phone out and starts calculating. "Oh" he says. Everyone can see the frustration in his face, he starts recalculating, "This can't be right", again he adds up his total. Eventually someone asks what is going on and will he just hurry up. He says "Okay, yeah I agree just £20 each and a small tip" Strange we all think. He dives into his wallet and produces a £20 note and seems quite happy with it. "How much did it come to?" someone asks "Errr, around £20" he replies. A mate of mine grabs the bill and takes a look. Tight arse is looking a little ashamed with himself and rightly so, after a few seconds we hear "You tight f**ker!" of course now EVERYONE want's to know his total. Turns out his total was around £35. We made him pay £40 just for being a tight arse, surprisingly he didn't even put up a fight.

I call him up from work just seeing what he is up to, says he is in town. I ask if he fancies coming back to my place for a bit of xbox and some beers. He says yeah sure. Even offers to come pick up after work. So 5.30 comes, I meet him outside and off we go. Get to my place and he says "i'm not being funny, and i don't mean to sound rude, but can you give me £3 for that lift? just that petrol prices are high and it was a little out of my way" Thought he was having a laugh and just laughed at him. Go to get out the car and he says "I'm serious, is that okay?" I said if he really wants the money he can have it. We go up to my place, he sits down and helps himself to a can of beer, I turn to him and say "that's 2 quid mate" and he laughs and cracks it open "I said no, that's 2 quid mate, those things don't just grown on trees" (i wasn't serious) he replies "oh, okay, well you can just give me one quid for the petrol" and he was dead serious.

We have a party at my girlfriends house. Everyone brings booze, even tight arse, and good times are had. Eventually most people leave and few crash over. In the morning we get up, slightly hungover, a round of coffees are made and then the rest of the party leave. A clean up operation is put in a place and me and my girlfriend get the place looking spotless. At the end we notice we have a fridge full of alcohol from all the left overs. Later that day we cook a dinner and I happen to grab one of the beers that tight arse bought round. A few weeks later he comes round, asks me "is my can of beer still here?" I laugh and say "that's long gone dude, but theres plenty of others if you want to help yourself" "you drank my beer?" he replies "well, not YOURS on purpose, just that happened to be the one I picked up" "well can you pay me back?" not believing what i'm hearing I accept just to shut him up and I ask him how much it was, he sits there and works it out and says "about 47p, don't worry about it actually" I say "no, no don't want you losing out" search through my wallet and flip him over a 50p coin. I'm expecting him to lob it back in the direction of my head realizing i'm taking the piss. He only goes and put's it in his pocket!!

A few weeks later, another session is had at my girlfriends. Same kind of thing, everyone leaves. We head off to bed, have a few more drinks and I get a phone call from my mate "Hi, I just remembered I left 3 beers in your fridge. Can you not drink them this time?" "errr, okay, i'll make sure I don't" "Cheers mate" I hang up and me and my girlfriend have a laugh. Wake up in the morning, about half an hour after waking up I get a text, it's tight arse. Just texting to remind you not to drink my beer, just you might have been a bit pissed last night and not remembered. Cheers!. Unbelievable. and yes, of course I drank them!

Another time we're at a park and ride and hop on the bus. Just as we're walking to the bus my mate turns to me and says "Can you pay for this one?" I say "yeah sure, you don't have any cash" He says "No, I do, just you owe me £4" "I do? what for?" I ask "don't you remember? about 3 weeks ago we ordered a pizza and I put in £4 more than anyone else" is his reply.

Once refused to go out for a friends 21st birthday because it was in London and that is over priced.

Once asked me to pay him back for a £1 pizza he bought me from Asda.

When backpacking in Oz he was furious when we got an apartment for the night. It wasn't the price, he was over the moon with the price. After sleeping in a tent for the last few weeks we had a huge place with tv, oven, sofas, 2 rooms, a fridge and air con. I scope the big bed and shout "SHOTGUN THE BIG BED" and throw my gear on it. He looks in the next room and see's a bunk bed in a room not much wider than the bed itself. He hits the roof! "You can't have that bed, that is not fair". I said "Well what's fair? Neither of us have it? I called it, that is fair, that is how we always do things" He has a tantrum and comes back with "Well you pay 15 dollars more, i'm not paying half when you have the bigger bed" I politely tell him to do one. We end up paying half each and I got the big bed.

There are plently more and if they come to me I will post them. This guy is the tighest git I know. He is a nice enough guy apart from that though. You would think he is earning nothing from the way he acts, but he does earn a fair bit. Also, I noticed a lot of the stories included drinking. We're not alcoholic's.. honest :0)
(Sun 26th Oct 2008, 21:36, More)

» Tightwads

just remembered..
from reading all the posts about stores throwing away good stock.

I used to work for a company that sold electronic goods. Rhymes with Murry's and is the name of Indian cuisine.

They used to throw away all sorts of stock. I was a warehouse worker and we had to destroy it all.

I'm not even kidding whilst working there I smashed up laptops, hundreds of TV's (not just CRT but LCD's and Plasmas), PC's, surround sound kits, kettles, toasters, blenders, fridges, cookers, tumble dryers, washing machines.. I even used to offer to buy the products at a discount price and managers would refuse.

I actually remember one manager (who was known for refusing staff to buy these products) with a pair of PC speakers in his hand. He finds them and says "oh, i'll have these, I need some PC speakers" I say to him "thought you can't keep this stock" whilst looking at them he ignores what i say and goes "ah they won't fit my PC anyway they have a different plug" I say "they will fit mine" he then looks at me and smashes them on the floor and says "if I can't have them no one is having them" and walks off.

The delivery drivers used to come and raid the skips. One driver left with about 6 Dyson cleaners in his van. I just used to leave them to it, fair play to them.

It makes me sick to think about how much money they were just throwing away. At the same time I did enjoy smashing up TV's worth more than my car.
(Sun 26th Oct 2008, 21:49, More)