b3ta.com user Docofair
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» Funerals II

Reading Battered's post has reminded me of a little old man who was sitting in the snug of my local many years ago.
I'd wandered up with the wife for a quiet beer on a quiet night. In fact, there were only the three of us in there.

I went up to the bar for a refill and noticed L.O.M. quietly sobbing in the corner. So I asked if he was okay.

"I've buried my Wife today" Said he.

I came out with the usual banal imbecilic platitudes reserved for such occasions and he cut me short.

"I knew she was dying and it wasn't a shock.
It was going back to my place for the wake and being locked in the front room while my kids ransacked the rest of my home."

No doubt they were all muttering the mantra of the greedy.

"She always wanted me to have this".

(Thu 11th Apr 2013, 22:25, More)

» LOL Bigots

My Mate Don..
Joined one Her Majesty's frigates in the late 70's, early 80's.
He was directed to his messdeck where he gave the usual hail, "Below!".
It should be noted that entry to the mess in an RN Ship is effected through a hatch and down a ladder to the deck, er, below.
"Uptop" came the traditional riposte.
"You got any niggers down there?" asked Don.
"No" came the reply.
"You fucking well have now!" said Don as he threw his kitbag down the hatch.

Okay it's a sort of reverse racism but seems to fit the QOTW.
(Wed 27th Feb 2013, 23:02, More)

» Inflated Self-Importance

Okay that's this weeks QOTW sorted.

What do I win?
(Thu 24th Jan 2013, 22:23, More)

» Made me laugh

I've just been in a Kebab Shop and they asked a scotsman if he wanted salad.
(Wed 12th Dec 2012, 1:09, More)

» Irrational people

I've just been for a piss.
Not a major event in any life really.
But I Live on my own and, while enjoying said voiding of bladder, I burped. That's it, I burped.
There was no thundering fart, no embarrassing follow through, just a simple eructation.
Why the fucking fuck did I say out loud, "Excuse me!"?
Am I irrational or just socially conditioned?
(Fri 11th Oct 2013, 23:10, More)
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