» Utterly Drunk

My best mates 18th
Well basically me and another friend (being 17 at the time) decided it would be an absolutely spectacular idea to drink as much of the in house drink as we could, evidently we had something to prove, who knows. Cut to 6 hours later and the party is ending, we then have our second fantastic ploy, which was to steal a half litre bottle of Jack Daniels and drink it behind the local community centre, being completely gherkined by now we then think that it would be brilliant if we tanned a gram and a half of miscellaneous legal highs. After our pseudo-Ibizan binge we have had more than our fair share of shenanigans and decide, or rather involuntarily conclude that it was time for bed and wound up sleeping in the same bed for warmth, honestly.

Cut to the next morning, I blearily come to and through a bleary haze I bear witness to my pal tentatively explaining that he 'had an accident' to my dad, as alternating waves of horror and nausea wave over me I roll over, and suddenly feel the horrid dampness of what can only be an entire night on the slosh's worth of pish soaking through my mattress, rising up due to a combination of revulsion and a burning desire to relentlessly ridicule my friend to the point of suicide I catch a fleeting glimpse of him sprinting past my Dad and down the hall, then presumably out the back door. It is at this point that I glance to the side and view part two of the spectacle, a big solid shite, smiling up at me from the carpeted floor, with a bizarre stench emanating from it that I can only describe as 'rotten flesh mixed with tree bark'.

I immediately facebooked it.

Then told everyone I could, any way that I could.

The best part was that my dad cleaned it up while I had another sleep on the sitting room couch.

The moral being, never serve free drink at a party, it only brings woe to those closest to you.

TLDR; Drink was drunk, shit was shat, hilarity ensued.
(Thu 14th Feb 2013, 18:19, More)