b3ta.com user yeswehavenopasties
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Been stuck in my head for ages now, probably been done already, but:

(Sun 9th Mar 2014, 23:55, More)

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» Dates Gone Wrong

took a young lady to see Jurassic Park
back when I was in college. Decided to go for a grope, she was up for it, and we were snogging like horny students do in the cinema (yeah gross I know) and stuck my hand up her top and located her nipple and decided to give it a tweak.

After a few moments of this and no obvious reaction, I asked her 'You not liking this?'

She said 'your twisting my tit wart, my nipples more to the left'
(Fri 5th Sep 2014, 10:27, More)

» Encounters with politicians

I once saw Gyles Brandreth's cock.
It was in the toilets in Chester at The Grosvenor, I was pretty pie faced and blatantly stared at his bell end.

For the record it was pitted and scarred, a bit cratered like the Dark Side Of The Moon, and from what I could gather he was circumcised, as he never pulled back his foreskin. He may have had some cock-pox in the past, IDK, I'm not a professional cock judge or anything.

He saw me looking and got a bit embarrassed. Finished his piss and left.

I think he wanted a bit of the old sausageing, but was to shy to ask for some. It looked to be about 1.7 inches on the flop, so Mr. Brandreth might be a grower, not a shower for all I know.

He still managed to finish his piss with some knob head mugging at his cock though, which is more than I could probably manage.

Good for him and his ciggie burned japs-eye I say.

Good for him.
(Sat 2nd May 2015, 8:45, More)

» Things you can't unsee...

When tidying my dead parents stuff up
I found their "personal" Polaroids.


So, people, if your going to die, BURN YOUR PRIVATE PORN STASH FIRST. Save your kids money on therapy.
(Tue 17th Feb 2015, 1:01, More)

» Celebrations, anniversaries and milestones

for our paper anniversary a few years ago
I bought a cute leather bound 40 page 6x4 inch book, with a neat little clasp on it, and filled it with hand written reasons why I love my missus.

However, some could only be decrypted with a mirror, some were in High Elf, Hobbit Runes (old English) and a few pictures can be arranged on a musical notation to form a small song about why my wife is ace, if you set the words to it.

So far 4 years later she's not clocked the hidden notation's but noticed the Solresol, translated the elf and hobbits bits, and worked out the mirror trick :)

I had days and days of fun making this. Was brilliant fun.
(Thu 2nd Oct 2014, 2:42, More)

» Drunk Shopping

a 1920's masonic fez
Has a neat sphinx head and jeweled tassel on it.

Wore it to the storage unit one time, got 33% off cardboard boxes ever since.
(Sun 13th Apr 2014, 1:58, More)
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