b3ta.com user Om Nom
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» Theft

Businesses across the globe....
....would like to point the finger at B3ta. The amount of company time stolen by this website is unbelievable....!
(Thu 7th Nov 2013, 23:28, More)

» Bad Dates

How to turn a good date into a bad one in 5 seconds flat....
I've done many jobs in career and looking back on my C.V I can be proud of what I've achieved. I've helped created new products which are used in industry, I've helped keep the utilities of the UK running and helped make sure that hospitals kept running. In short, career-wise, if I were to stop now, I can look at my C.V with a modicum of pride.

The same cannot be said of my dating life. That, people, is a mess that not even Aggie and Kim could clean up. I very rarely, if ever, ask a girl out. I used to get rejected for all sorts of reasons. Some of the zingers I've had over the years are too short, too tall, too old, too young, too ugly (at least she was honest), too smart (never been able to figure that one out, so I can't be THAT smart) and, my personal favourite, is this story.

I met a girl (let's call her Alex, not her real name, obviously) at my laundrette. She had gorgeous long blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and a smile that was the very defintion of the word "Beauty". I had to ask her out. I just HAD to. So, I got my small talk mouth on and went to work. I started off lightly ("washing machine broken? or is the 'elegant' decor that brings you here?") the progressed to the bigger guns ("So what you reading?"). I never said it was a sophisticated approach, just functional. Eventually, I managed to pluck the courage up and ask her out for a pint. Keep it informal. I asked and the girl from Del Monte she say "Yes!".

The day of the pint came round. I dressed causal (Jeans, Converse Baseball trainers and a black T-shirt) and headed to the pub. There she was drinking a vodka and lemonade. She smiled that smile again at me. I couldn't believe my luck that I'd got this lassie to come for a drink with me. I sauntered over ordered a round of drinks and we sat down. Now more talking. We chatted about music, films, travelling, you know, all the usual topics. Conversation was fluid, she even laughed at my rubbish jokes ("Sorry about your dog being poorly, that's 'ruff'"). Had I found my one true love? No. Because the next topic of conversation was about to bring all of this smashing into a Parisian tunnel wall, Princess Diana-stylee.

Alex: So are you into football?
Om Nom: No, not all. I support Newcastle United.

Seems like an innocent enough comment, right? WRONG! If I'd have gone out and committed the appalling Rwandan genocide again in front of her eyes, that would have been more forgivable than that previous comment.

The pint ended 15 minutes after that, we shook handed, said our goodbyes and I handed her my phone number "in case you want to hook up again as this was pleasant". Didn't hear from her for weeks. "What went wrong?" I kept asking myself. It went so well. I saw her again in the high street and said hello. There was a bit of small talk, but I had to ask her why I hadn't heard from her again. She gave me her answer...

Alex: You were really nice and funny, but I'm a Sunderland supporter. There's no way I could date a Newcastle fan.

And there, folks, is my favourite reason for rejection and why that was my worst date. To mess a date up because of the team I support is something I couldn't have possibly fathomed in a million years. I screwed a date up because I support a bunch of black and white donkeys who keep missing relegation by the skin of their teeth.

Since that episode, I vowed never to ask another girl out again as I couldn't deal with that level of humilation again. I often wonder "Am I mad"? Is this a phobia I should get over? Until I read a quote from the ever-funnyman, John Cleese, who said "An Englishman's greatest achievement is to go from cradle to grave without ever making a fool of himself."...
(Sun 20th Oct 2013, 11:34, More)

» Fancy Dress Failures Pt 2

These aren't the fancy dress failures you are looking for....
Although not strictly speaking the kind of fancy dress you're on about, I find seeing famous people with stupid clothes on equally funny. At least, people dressing up for a fancy dress party have some excuse for looking dumb. These celebrities did it for no other reason that for publicity!

There's this..


and this...


Oh and don't forget this...
(Thu 31st Oct 2013, 23:53, More)

» Lego

I'm not into Lego that much...
...I'm more of a Breasto kind of guy.

(Yes, I know it's lame.)

Look, I know you can make some wonderful things with Lego. But build a good QOTW question with it? I'm sceptical...
(Thu 24th Oct 2013, 15:28, More)