» Mugged

I undid a mugging once
Walking home from the tube station to my flat, a Chinese guy sprinted across the road towards me shouting "Help! Help! I've been mugged! He took my phone!". I looked across the road in the direction he'd come from, but couldn't see anybody there.

I didn't really know what to say, so I reached for my phone with the intention of calling the local rozzers. As I did so, the "mugger" sprinted across the road and handed the stolen phone back to the Chinese guy with a "It was just a joke. I was just joking." The mugger then runs off again.

I look at the Chinese guy. He looks at me.

Me: "OK?"
Him: "Err .. yeah. Thanks."

I must be scarier looking than I think.
(Fri 16th Jun 2006, 13:16, More)

» Misunderstood

bless the scotch
When I worked in a hardware shop a guy with a fearsome Scottish accent asked me for a "may strap". We had all kinds of straps, but I'd never heard of may straps.

After much puzzlement the gentleman explained that he wanted a may strap to catch mace (mice) with.
(Mon 10th Oct 2005, 14:25, More)

» I met a weirdo on the interweb

2600
A very long time ago I went to a 2600 (Google is your friend) meet. We met up in the basement of the Trocadero in Piccadilly before moving on to a local bar.

I met a guy who insisted on calling himself "Dot Matrix" (Dot's a girl's name, isn't it?). He "borrowed" the battery from my brick-sized Mercury phone and I never saw him or it again.

That is all.
(Mon 20th Mar 2006, 14:02, More)

» Toilets

Explosive
Many years ago I worked in a Victorian era shop, complete with Victorian era plumbing. Above the shop was a small area with a toilet and above that a small flat with another toilet - we referred to the toilets as "trap one" and "trap two" respectively.

One bitterly cold winter the pipes that carried the effluent away became frozen, resulting in a severe backing up of material in trap one. So, we did what anybody would do under the circumstances: we used trap two until that became dangerously full too.

Eventually the thaw came - but, unfortunately, this didn't result in a graceful drop of the toilet water levels, instead it produced an explosive discharge. The first we knew was when a large section of the ceiling plaster came down on the shop counter followed by several gallons of a liquid that was mostly water.

When I opened the door to look upstairs I was greeted by a miniature tsunami of effluent coming down the stairs being surfed by several week old turds.
(Mon 5th Sep 2005, 15:46, More)

» Useless Information

Arsenal
I live in Woolwich Arsenal. I do not like football.
(Fri 18th Mar 2005, 16:00, More)