b3ta.com user CUNextTuesday
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» Heckles

Heckling is abusing someone on stage, not shouting at a movie screen, you muppets
was a a comedy show in Auckland, the comedian told a funny story about a dwarf. Suddenly a dwarf shouts up from the audience, something about it not being funny etc.

To give the comedian his due, he said didn't see him down there, to much amusement (to me anyway).

The dwarf replied that it was his birthday and he had spoilt it.

The comedian feeling a little guilty now then proceeds to get everyone in the audience to sing happy birthday to him.

the only thing is, noone knew his name, and the place erupted, when everyone sutterd then completed the line, happy birthday, dear....dwartf!...

hahaha, had to be there etc.
(Mon 10th Apr 2006, 4:22, More)

» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

TA intelligence...
2 stories from the TA days:

American troop of reserves joined us for an exercise. Part of the weekend involved live grenades....

the first idiot tried to pull the pin with his teeth, and promptly pulled out his 2 front teeth. If this wasn't bad enough, there was a wall we all stood behind to absorb shock waves when and shrapnel incase a thrown grenade didn't get thrown far enough over the wall into the range....

well one bright lad pulled the pin, and dropped the grenade over the top of the wall...naturally we all ran for it, the wall was badly damaged and he spent the rest of the weekend cleaning out the karsi...

but the best must go to the leader who when leading his troops out of a helicopter, the chopper swooped down to survey the land for a suitable landing spot, the said idiot in charge thought they had landed and jumped to his death fro 50 feet up,

dirka dirka indeed...

thank god these people were only pretend soldiers, god help us if they were ever deployed into real combat..
(Mon 27th Mar 2006, 0:38, More)

» Your Revenge Stories

Sacked revenge...
When y sis was unfairly sacked for being a slacker,she went to the company office when they were on a 2 week summer shutdown, and scattered heaps of grass seeds through the letter box onto their lush carpet, and doused with water from a water bottle...left a nice lawn for when they came back to work..
I also sent gay porn to the home of her married boss while in Amsterdam
revenge is sweet!
(Fri 14th May 2004, 6:55, More)

» Greed

When I was about 18 a group of us congregated at the local pub. With us was Gary Bricknell, who was a famous tightarse amoungst our group.
It happened to be his birthday, so we did not mind too much that yet again he had forgotten his wallet.
So we all had a whip round, and offered him all the cahnge we had between us (probably about 20 quid (back in good 'ole '87 that was still not much cash)
All Gary had to do was eat a cigarette. Always game for any dare he consumed the cigarette, then ran to the bogs to chuck up.
Unfortunatly he did not eat the butt so we all took our cash back.
Payback time for Gary :)
(Thu 21st Apr 2011, 1:22, More)