Bush porn
As a kid, the only access I had to porn was "bush porn". The discarded jazz mags left, for some unknown reason, beneath bushes.

When I used to find these golden treasures I would rush home to knock one out as soon as the coast was clear.

It's not the same, nowadays. The internet has ruined that innocent(ish) joy of finding a dog eared copy of Feista by inundating us with Anal Rampage 12, Spam Javelin and all the rest, available at the click of a button.

I miss those good old days, where the joy of finding these hidden treats would outweigh the pleasure that it was to bring you.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 18:11, 16 replies)

I agree
To be honest I thought with Bush Porn you were going to state an onanastic love for George Dubya.
( Trollman, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 18:30, closed)

Like you never did to one of his news conferences, liar.

( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 19:40, closed)

I was also confused by this.
I thought he meant the kind of porn where the women have crotch-wigs expansive enough for Livingstone to get lost in.
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 21:51, closed)

That's what I was thinking
I never found porn in the bushes as a kid, or anywhere really. If I wanted some, it involved walking around with some friends and finding the dodgiest looking corner store, usually run by Indian folks. For some reason they never seemed to mind selling it to 14 year-olds.
( Ithyphallophobia, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 0:49, closed)

Aaah, pre-internet porn.
The best I managed was on a family holiday to Las Vegas, where I managed to sneak some flyers for local 'chorus-line girls' *ahem* into my luggage on the way back home. :)
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 19:36, closed)

you missed out sir
I think that the government quango responsible for distributing copies of Razzle, Escourt and Men Only must have got the can back in the late 90s.

There is nothing quite like finding layby, busy, or woodland porn.
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 14:29, closed)

Aye, them wer't'days...
Watching out for white dog poo, whilst trying to be as stealthy as possible, searching the bushes for porn.
My brother once found "Miss Nude America" on VHS in a hole in a dry-stone wall -- fuck knows who put that there and why...
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 20:43, closed)

I'm of the view that the growth of easily accessible internet porn is responsible for the obesity crisis.
When I was a lad me and my mates would walk MILES round the countryside on a grot-hunt.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 21:31, closed)

I found a stash of about 30 grot mags cunningly concealed in a carrier bag by a hedge when I was about 14.
I don't know who dumps 30 grot mags in a carrier bag next to a public path, but bloody hell, if they were coming back for it later they would be sadly disappointed.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 21 Feb 2011, 22:18, closed)

Only once
Have I ever found a porn mag, and as i was only about 8 or 9, me and my girly mates giggled over it for a while then I put it into the post box at the end of our road.
We hung around to wait for the box to be emptied and giggled a lot more when the postie glanced around then slipped it into his jacket
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 23:49, closed)

It wasn't that long ago
I came in just on the tail end of the "hedge porn" days, as broadband internet was rather late in coming to my part of the country. I still remember the excitement of a find...
( MatJ LOOK, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 0:38, closed)

A mate of mine
used to clear out sub-stations for a living. Basically, it involved clearing up dog shite and people's rubbish.
One find though, involved a large stack of jazz mags, a bumper sized pack of Tesco's own bog roll, hand cream and a tent.
I think some kid must have created his own (almost secret) wank emporium.
(dchurch bah, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 7:43, closed)

Ah, hedge porn...
Those were the days...
*wipes a tear*
*clicks*
( snee held his breath since, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 8:10, closed)

Richard Digance!
Welcome to B3ta.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:08, closed)

It's surprising im not gay
My first view of bush porn, was a raggedy old copy of readers wives. The "model" in question was a pensioner with the most massive, wrinkled old vagina I have ever witnessed. The image still haunts me to this day. *shudders*

Thank god for the internet, although my main worry there is, there is going to be a hell of a lot of kids around that think that porn sex is the way you do it and wonder why they can't keep a girlfriend for any longer than 5 minutes.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:37, closed)

grot haul
A friend and I once found a massive haul of discarded jazz at the local bottle bank. Somebody had literally dumped a lifetimes work next to the Oxfam clothing bin in three oversized bin bags; almost as if they'd moved in with their missus and realised there was no hiding place big enough for it all.

There was tons of the stuff running the full length and breadth of pornographic taste; from "girls of page 3" to "hardcore danish rug munchers". There were even a few tatty VHS tapes.

We loaded the lot into the back of my mates battered Fiesta Popular and then spent the next two weeks sending it around the Thames Valley through a distribution network of horny teenagers. We felt like Robin Hood. If Robin Hood was Paul Raymond and drove a shet green car.
(mcgriffto, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 10:32, closed)