The Lanes Monster
I would never have been so gullible to believe such a thing when I was a kid, *ahem* but mini-me did.
I grew up on The Wirral and lived across the other side of it to my parents. Being as they were always helping out, looking after him and generally keeping us fed and warm we were always back and forth. Quite often coming home in the dark.
There were a number of main road options to drive back on, or, roughly a 3-mile stretch of mostly single lane country road we called ‘The Lanes’. It was twisty and turny and empty and dark.
He must have been about 5-6 when the Lanes monster used to strike.
If I was on my own, or with my boyfriend we would mention we are going home ‘THAT WAY’…and look menacingly over our shoulder, greeted by a look of sheer panic/delight on the little ones face.

‘Oh god, I hope THIS time the lanes monster doesn’t get us!’

It didn’t always, it just depended on if it was hungry or not.

At a very dark point we would either stamp our feet or smack the door and scream ‘OH NOOOOOOOO ITS GOT US IT’S GOT US’. as the monster attached itself to the bottom of the car…and wasn’t going to let go…
The general panic (stifled giggles) would last the rest of the 10-minute journey, mini-me doing that clenchy fist straight arms thing that kids to when they are terrified.

Finally we would pull into our road, we lived right at the end of a small cul-de-sac, on turning the corner it would be ‘Oh my god, get ready to jump out the car and run through the gate so IT CANT GET YOU' we would screech to a halt (pretty slowly if I’m honest but to him it felt like Starsky and Hutch) and he would flap around trying to undo his seat belt almost hyperventilating, while screaming and laughing, throw open the door and fling himself across the pavement and through the gate…we had to do the same, before scooping him up in a panic and trying to get the key in the door in time BEFORE IT GETS US.
Only safe after the door was finally closed.

I asked mini-me if he remembered this earlier…he looked at me in total disgust and said ‘Yes. Of course I do’ Nothing like giving your kids memories ey?
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sat 21 Jan 2012, 1:48, Reply)