Yellow buses in Bournemouth
I sent the following email (fo' real) to the Yellow Bus company in Bournemouth after a particularly stressful ride to work a couple of years back:


Dear Morons,

which part of 'rush hour' do you not understand? Having had the misery of enduring a number of your services running between 8 and 9am from Southbourne, I would like to place on record my displeasure at having to share my personal space with a-the public in general and b-loads of sweaty grumpy miserable people with their heads in each other's armpits because your ingenious forward planning department somehow neglected to put a big enough fricking bus on the route. You're the people that I see legging it round Asda at 9.30pm on December 24, amazed that Christmas has crept up on you again, aren't you?

Admittedly, I have made some new friends thanks to your service - to be honest, I have been more intimate with people on that bus than I have been with most of my ex-girlfriends - but it is becoming slightly tiresome. It is only a matter of time before one of us becomes pregnant, dead, or worse.

To aid you, I have come up with an invention all of my own, and have attached a basic prototype sketch of it to this email. I am calling it the 'double decker bus'. It is like a normal bus, but with an extra layer (or 'deck', if you will) added to the top. You may notice in my picture I have drawn people with SMILEY FACES and also added in some EMPTY SPACE. Please forgive me if this is an over-use of artistic license, but hey - it's my drawing and I want to live a little.

Anyway, I have to go now - I've just discovered that the small mexican man who gets on in Boscombe is still in the pocket of my suit and I need to make sure that he gets to work okay, which is more than you twunts can be bothered to do.

Hugs and kisses,

Bappage

Picture which was attached:

3.bp.blogspot.com/_R2KwVSpjB-8/Rp6TxRHdIjI/AAAAAAAAAAU/rGIuRUI3KKU/s1600-h/doubledecker.JPG

They emailed me back to say 'We do not respond to puerile and childish emails'

I responded one last time to say: 'you just did'.

End of correspondence. I never got a refund :-(
(Bappage, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 14:46, 9 replies)

this
is one of the best things I've read on here in ages. click squared.
(jennymnemonic, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 15:23, closed)

Would that have been a number 22,
or had they switched to the 1a, 1b, 1c setup by then?

Yellow busses are a bunch of fuckwits, they really are. It was standard practice to have a rammed single decker all day, only for them to wheel out a totally empty double decker at the evenings and weekends. Considering the prices they are charging these days, you could reasonably expect a stretch limo and a titwank.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Fri 3 Sep 2010, 15:55, closed)

It was the 1c
and just after they had changed over from the 22 system. They are brainless twunts almost to a man.
(Bappage, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:31, closed)

Click for the reply to the reply

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 15:55, closed)

Some single deckers hold more.
Can't say in your case because I don't know the busses used -- but some single deckers have only a few seats less than double deckers (if any) and have more standing room, obviously.
I only know because a friend and I made a similar complain and were pointed at the "Seated" and "Standing" numbers.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 20:32, closed)

This gets a click
For the Mexican in your pocket.
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Sun 5 Sep 2010, 9:14, closed)

the picture reminds me of...
those produced by Robin Cooper in his time waster letters.

Click to you.
( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 11:29, closed)

click before reading,
I snorted tea at "Dear Morons"

off to read now
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 15:11, closed)

The three word
reply to the reply sounds like something you couldn't get away with when you're young, but as you're an adult can do as you please.

You get a click for that, and if I could give you two, the second would be for : "It is only a matter of time before one of us becomes pregnant, dead, or worse." OR WORSE?! What poppycock. Superb!
( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 17:11, closed)