So I got burgled...
... and the scrotes got away my with phone. And my wallet, containing all my cards and my cash. And my house keys. On Easter Sunday morning.

So now, I'm stuck in a house I can't leave because a team of scumbags have keys to it, a car I can't drive but can't let out of my sight because etc. etc., no money, no method of getting any money, and nobody is in at the bank for next few days. I have a major security problem, and I need a locksmith asap.

So I of course ring my excellent home insurers, who take all the details, take my crime number (thanks, cops!), and go through everything I need. It's all going great. Then...

"When the locksmith arrives, you'll need to pay him £160, then claim it back from us." Uh-oh.
"Well, will they take a cheque without a cheque guarantee card?"
"Oh no, sir, it has to be cash."
"Really. Well, that's going to be a problem, since, as I might have mentioned once or twice over the last forty minutes we've been talking, I've been ROBBED, and they have my wallet with all my cash, and all my means of getting cash, and in any case I can't leave the house because I NEED A LOCKSMITH FIRST."
"Can you call your bank?"
"It is Easter Sunday. Even B&Q are shut, ffs."
"Well, the locksmith has to be paid or they won't come out."
"Can't YOU pay them? Isn't that what I, y'know, PAY YOU for?"
"No, you have to pay them, then claim it back."
"I CAN'T!!!"
"Then we can't help you."

Over the course of the day, I had that same conversation three times with increasingly senior representatives of the insurance company, increasingly unable to believe that nothing like this had ever happened before ever in the history of burglaries. But apparently not. There was no way round it, and their considered response was "You're on your own."

Happy ending - I called a local locksmith myself and gave him the gist. He came out within the hour {EDIT: and said it would be fine, he'd just leave me with an invoice and I could pay him when I "got sorted out". I said "Is Sunday usually busy?", and he said that he wasn't in fact supposed to be working, but I sounded like I was in trouble and needed help. So he got a tip on top of the cost of the locksmithing, and I recommend him to everyone I know. Top bloke.

Nobody I know uses that insurance company any more though...

tl;dr. Insurance companies are twatrags.
(SonofRojBlake, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 19:03, 13 replies)

What was the company so I can also not use them...
plz
( rjmrjm, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 19:08, closed)

As above.
Information like this needs sharing.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Feb 2012, 19:55, closed)

But you had no money to pay/tip him.
What did you do - bake him a cake and suck him off?

I like your story, by the way. Insurance companies really are cunts.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 19:19, closed)

Oh yeah, I left that rather important bit out
... when I explained it to him on the phone, he just took the address and said he was on his way. When I said I couldn't pay him, he just said "No problem. I'll leave you an invoice, pay it when you're sorted out." Diamond bloke.

I couldn't possibly name the company. I can't see that being within the law, on the whole. Which is to say it might not be legal. In general.
(SonofRojBlake, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 19:32, closed)

Nicely done.
Best not name them, though. Or you'll need a massive umbrella to protect yourself from the legal shitstorm that they'd rain down upon you.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 20:24, closed)

Unless...
..it's all true, in which case they don't really have a shitstorm to rain down.
(Kyzia was here on, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 22:21, closed)

Actually you are completely within your rights to complain about a service in a public forum.
Otherwise review sites wouldn't exist and everyone would be getting fucked over due to enforced ignorance. Or something.
( mookay immune to icons since, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 3:56, closed)

You're no fun,
are you?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:30, closed)

They probably thought it was your fault for letting yourself get burgled in the first place.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 19:38, closed)

Home insurance and crap locks
Had a cretin try to break in earlier in the year, despite there being an alarm on the house and despite me being in and not answering the door. He took a run at the front door and tried to shoulder his way in. Fortunately, the response to the last twat who managed to get in was to embed a lump of angle iron in the door frame and mount the strike plate on it, so the door didn't budge (hope the fucker got himself well buised up in the process).

Anyhow, I went on a little security drive and started looking at upgrading locks in the short term, upgrading to UPVC doors, and installing some cameras. So I starts doing a little research.

Y'know those cylinder (Yale) locks you have on your front door? Well, they're shite. Turns out you can take a specially cut key that you really don't need much talent or skill to make and be inside in a matter of seconds. It's a design flaw that locksmiths have known about for something like 80-odd years. Go search on Youtube for "lock bumping"; it's rather alarming.

It turns out that some insurers put clauses in their contracts which stipulate that you have to have locks that comply with some British Standard or other. Look at the packaging for locks that comply with those standards, and you find they mention lock picking, cutting and drilling (despite the fact that most household burglars are unlikely to do any such thing because they take to long and create too much noise) but there is no mention of bumping. Try claiming where there is no evidence of forced entry. Must be your fault they got in, so we're not paying.

Another form of clause is that on a wooden door, you have to have the normal nightlatch plus a mortice lock. That makes it a bit harder to get in as the mortice locks cannot be bumped, assuming of course that you use it. I've heard tell that insurers have gotten difficult with people who have claimed after a burglary (or tried to) when they have an alarm installed but it was not enabled at the time. It's actually the reason that I never declared my alarm on my insurance, although they now say that it has to be one installed by a professional company (stupid logic on their part; I understand how my alarm works and is installed, so I can be a complete cunt and make it do things that no other alarm system would ever do). No doubt that going out and leaving the nightlatch locked and deadlocked but not the mortice is something else they're liable to use as an excuse for not paying.

Of course, the get-out clause on the mortice lock is UPVC doors where it's OK to have just a Euro Profile cylinder lock securing the whole door, even the multi-point locking system. This is odd considering that you cannot upgrade the security on these doors due to how they are made, and the fact that Euro Profile cylinders are complete pants. How to they get past your UPVC door? Simple. Just snap the lock in two, push the other half of the lock through the door and turn the cam inside the door. Access in seconds again.

So why the fuck are they getting us to install this crap? It's tantamount to saying "You might as well just wipe your arse with your policy 'cos that's all it's good for" as you wind up getting screwed over for doing what they told you to do in the first place.

What a bunch of cunts they are... and don't even get me started on car insurance!
(An eejit passing by in a purple satin skirt with sparkly bits, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 20:05, closed)

Lock bumping
Luckily there are more and more anti bump lock barrels out in the market now.
Not all cases require a new lock, anti bump or bump resistant barrels can be bought from your (reputable) locksmith to replace the existing barrel. Its worth doing as, like you said, lock bumping is a piece of piss if you know what youre doing.

If that fails buy a dog the size of a hyena.
(technocore, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 3:06, closed)

Or move to somewhere that isn't a complete shithole.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 22:27, closed)

You can buy bump-proof euro profile cylinders btw, they're very expensive though!
( Alex Save a Tree, Eat a Beaver!, Tue 28 Feb 2012, 16:12, closed)