I realised people were putting together records/charts
So in the interest of democracy I thought I better add my tuppence worth.

But I shan't just name and shame, like all good b3tans/ards I need to state my reasons. Nobody likes to see a list on qotw.

First up, is the reason I have to wear mittens at work lest I tear my own eyeballs out. Every day my soul is corroded by this worthless cretin simply because she appears regularly on a popular radio station. If only I had the power to choose the station in this office, but sadly I am impotent. Extreme ear torture that is surely employed by the CIA.

I am talking of course about Fearn fucking Cotton.

The thing that first strikes you is the way she speaks. You can just hear the painful, desperate contrivance at sounding intelligent but at the same time kooky and quirky. Waaaaow! I remember hearing one show at Christmas she came in all hungover because she'd been partying with celebrity A and celebrity B and all the nerds on the prior show were swooning, picking their jaws off the floor OH FEARN WHAT ARE YOU LIKE!?

Worst of all is her unwavering love for all new music. "And this is the new song from The (insert crazy band name here)'s, it is just ABSOLUTELY AMAZING, the best song I've heard this year, I saw them live last week, they are just fantastic.. Really Fearn? Every song you put on is the best song this year, where does it all end?

But she also likes to put across her deep, intelligent musical knowledge. She had the gall to play a song by my favourite band The Clash. She put on Rock the Casbah, and after the song was speaking to a colleague with the obligatory "Oh they are just amazing" (amazing, amazingly being the only adjective she knows) and to prove her punk credentials/knowledge, and this is where I found out what a fraud she is - "you have just got to listen to classics like London Calling and Should I Stay Or Should I Go..."

If she stopped at London Calling I could give her the benefit of the doubt, since it is a classic album. However in the context that she was listing single songs, I can just tell she googled "Clash singles" or something similar and came out with the first 2 songs that popped up. A real fan would perhaps moot something like White Riot, or White Man in Hammersmith Palais if talking of single songs rather than the radio hits. YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW ME OR THE CLASH FEARN SO FUCK OFF, GET A DOZE OF FANNY CANCER AND DIE.


I am seething here, so I'm going to leave my next entry to another time.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 9:55, 10 replies)

You sit on that fence.
It's your right.

I was quite pleased with my 8yo nephew the other day, who started telling me how much he likes Guns Of Brixton, and said sincerely, "Yeah ... I really like drums, and I really like heavy bass, but I also like rock. That's what I like about The Clash."
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 10:02, closed)

Ah excellent
That is fine taste for an 8 year old! Is this the guy who likes Bankrobber?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 10:20, closed)

The very same.
He'll go far with taste like that.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 10:34, closed)

It seems that Fearn Cotton is the new Jo whiley.
You could replace Fearn's name with Jo's in your rant and it would still ring true.
( BindiBaji, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 10:12, closed)

At least Jo Wiley's got a sexy voice
Even if she does look like a crack whore, with a little imagination it's possible to crack one off to her show.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 10:17, closed)

I've never had a wank to a radio show.
Anyway on average she mentions Travis every 10 seconds so you best be quick.
( BindiBaji, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 10:39, closed)

You have not lived until, after the Today programme on Radio Bore
You shoot your load to the chimes of Big Ben heralding the news.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 10:46, closed)

If that is the case
She can bugger off as well.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 10:20, closed)

She one of the presenters for the BBC's glastonbury coverage.
I love watching Glastonbury if I can't make it myself.
But evrey F'ing presenter going on about how wonderful and magical it is every 5 seconds get on my tits. I know it's good you can tell it's good by watching it on the TV. The presenters incessant dribblings make me want to have a shit right in the middle of their cocking acoustic mushroom garden.
( BindiBaji, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 11:03, closed)

English Civil War
That's the best Clash song in my opinion.

My taste in punk leans more towards Conflict, Discharge etc. but I always find time for Buzzcocks, Clash and like.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 11:11, closed)