The Penis Book
When my friends and I moved into our current abode, the place was in a bit of a state. The agents hadn't got round to sending the cleaners in since the previous tenants had moved out - of course, having turned up at the door with all our stuff, we didn't really have anywhere else to leave it, so we moved it all in anyway, on the promise that the cleaners would be sent round a couple of weeks later.

So, after humping all my crap into my room, I began to investigate all the potential places I could put it. Here I find a chest of drawers, there a wardrobe...ooh, a bookcase. Very nice.

Of course, the previous tenants have left a few bits and bobs lying around; mostly leaflets or bits of disintegrated magazine. I went to put some stuff on top of the wardrobe and found out what else they'd left:

A mint condition copy of The Penis Book.

Apparently this doesn't count as pornography (though it would certainly be NSFW), just a literary celebration of the male genital organ, with lots of helpful pictures.

I refuse to 'read' it. A quick glimpse at a page at random told me all I needed to know.

Of course, we all laughed and decided that we should use it as a house punishment - anybody who does anything sufficiently stupid should have to read a chapter of this book.

What disturbed me more was the reaction of guests to it. We left it on a shelf in the living room with several other books, and everybody who came to visit seemed fascinated by this book and insisted on having a flick through - men and women alike.

Of course, when family members came to visit, we decided it better to hide the sausagebook. So, in a twist ironic to this qotw, it's been lost again, as I can't remember where I hid it. Though I think it may be in a cupboard behind my housemate's rice and pasta. He's in for a surprise at some point...

Apologies for length; I believe some of the specimens in there are gargantuan.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 10:21, 6 replies)

In the kitchen...
"Pass me that cookbook please.....no, I said cookbook, not cockbook" ;P
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 11:16, closed)

Pffft!
I nearly sprayed coffee over my keyboard. Wish I'd thought of that one...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 11:21, closed)

"So, after humping all my crap in my room"
YOU DID WHAT?!
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 11:52, closed)

Moving house is supposed to be one of the most stressful experiences in life
So I thought I might as well get in a bit of 'relaxation' while I was doing it...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 11:58, closed)

*click*
For making me look a right pillock in front of the boss. This:

"Of course, when family members came to visit, we decided it better to hide the sausage"

I'll have to get him to read B3ta - only then will he understand...
( snee held his breath since, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 12:15, closed)

A click
For hiding the sausage book making me titter
(Puddle of Sugar was still wallpapering on, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 17:00, closed)