It was the dead of night…

I silently slipped up behind the little Fiat car and made sure no-one was looking…

I had rehearsed this moment over and over again in my dreams. Sure, some of the more ‘orthodox’ squares might think that my love was unnatural…an abomination…but as I popped the hubcap off and began to turn the cross spanner I knew it was the real thing…

Carefully prising her away from the brake discs was a delicious torture for both of us…and before long I was sprinting along down the road, jumping and whooping with ecstasy as she rolled along by my side until we reached my flat.

Once we arrived I breathlessly ran in and locked the door… We were together at last, and we were going to do things right. As we went into the bedroom there was one more thing to do to make it perfect…

After feverishly stripping nekked I reached into my dunghamper drawer and pulled out two huge black curly wigs. One was for me…one was for her.

I slipped mine on and could hardly contain my spurt reflex as I positioned hers in place…

But as I looked at her I instantly realised I could go no further…my previous ‘diamond cutter’ of a stonkie now subsided to flaccid, button mushroom proportions. She looked far sexier in a huge curly wig than I ever could. I simply wasn’t good enough for her…she had beaten me…I could not mess with perfection.

There was only one thing left to do.…

I set her on fire, wellied her out of the window and watched as she smashed through the windscreen of a passing unmarked Police Vauxhall Vectra.

I think my subsequent arrest, beating and imprisonment was a blessing in the long run….because I learned how to discover normal, non ‘car-part-and-hairpiece’ related love and vowed from that day on I would never let a...

…

You know what’s coming…it will be in the reply…

...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 1 Sep 2008, 14:55, 16 replies)

Noooooooooooooooo!

( Cawl, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 14:55, closed)

and now... the punchline...


...


"Wheel, (Yugo)...out-weave me."



I am so....so very sorry.


Edit: Fucking hell Kaol...are you always that quick?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 1 Sep 2008, 14:56, closed)

Yes I am.
That's why I've got many, many more first posts on new QOTWs than anyone else.
( Cawl, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 14:58, closed)

Jesus Tapdancing Christ
...and it's only Monday. Can it possibly get worse than that?
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 14:58, closed)

Are you
Frnakspencer's love child?
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 15:00, closed)

@Legless...


I wish!

Edit: If I could chosen, I would have been the result of an abandoned experiment in chemical warfare, time travel, and a rather boozy threesome between yourself, Frankspencer & Rachelswipe...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 1 Sep 2008, 15:01, closed)

Where the hell do they come from.
Are you 90% pun instead of water like the rest of us humans.
( girlinthehole, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 15:04, closed)

BGB...
I think humans are only 70-80% water...

Put the bottle down, we don't want a puddle on our hands...
( Cawl, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 15:07, closed)

@Kaol
Thank you for correcting me yet again : )
( girlinthehole, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 15:09, closed)

No problem
I like having a hobby :p
( Cawl, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 15:10, closed)

Oof!
I thought that's where you were going.

I hope your talent for dodgy puns never runs dry!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 15:12, closed)

But Yugos
aren't Fiats...


Yes, I know they were based on old Fiat designs, but that's not really the point.
(dxg, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 15:39, closed)

FFS
Pooflake, oh Pooflake. You must be phenomenally bored today to come up with (fnaarrrr I said come) such punnosity on a Monday.

"Click"
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 16:19, closed)

re...and it's only Monday. Can it possibly get worse than that?
ah the clang of a gauntlet
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 16:32, closed)

I had no idea
where that was going .... so,

*click*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 1 Sep 2008, 18:14, closed)

sweet dancing grandma!
*bangs head onto desk*
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 20:03, closed)