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Getting fit should come with a health warning, warns PJM. "In my pursuit of the body beautiful, I've broken three exercise bikes and two running machines, concussed myself and, most distressingly, bruised my testicles." And he's yet to try and get out of his contract...

(, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:45)
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I'm kind of
a health freak. By this I mean, I am very vain and love being very well muscled and toned. I smoke a lot, drink a lot, used to take a variety of substances but got a bit bored of it, I eat terriblly (Student budget. Hurrah! Hobnobs first week after money comes through, beans afgter that), consider a reasonable breakfast to be "Beer and multivitamins). I also happen to climb frequently, work out for between 90 mins and 2 hours a day, walk everywhere, attend gymnastics occasionally, and dip into various other sports randomly. I want the best of both worlds.

I don't attend to gym very often now, as I have my own set of weights, and prefer rockclimbing anyway, but I've seen some odd ones in there whilst I did.

After a while, I learnt the times of week to avoid my local gym, as they had an "At Risk Group" for people at risk of heart attacks. 3 times a week, lardy cunts wrestling away with the machines, sweating, panting, and spending a lot of time pretending to be queuing to use the water fountain.

Avoid the times set aside for free entry if you're on the dole. It's not that the scum who come in there are nasty, they're actually quite friendly and give good advice as a rule. It's just that they are so horrendously built that you feel genuinely ashamed. You toil away every day, and they seem to only come during cheap scroungers hour, yet they could clearly rip you limb from limb.

Go when other people are at work. Non-students/slackers are often at work 9-5, so try and get your gym session in during this time if you can. People who work 9-5 are often post-menopausal women, who tend to sit on the abdomninal isolator and not do anything, or serious looking business men who are dying inside and are coming to the gym after work to avoid going home to the wife who doesn't love them and the children they don't understand anymore.

Find a gym with a free swim included. Going to the sauna after a workout is a failure, saunas are full of obese, naked men. See many people who are actually toned or wellbuilt in there? Nope? That's because we're doing exercise instead of trying to lose weight without doing anything. Swimming afterwards is a better warm-down, more relaxing, and has the added benefits of making people stare at your tattooed feet.

Being well built is deceptive. Whilst I am rather ripped, I can't run more than 400m, am generally tired (Probably related to diet), and have constantly aching joints. (Mostly fingers, neck and back. Wrist as as wlel atm due to an RSI. Piano, not wanking. I'm doing grade 8 this year and my body felt an RSI woudl help with this)
(, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 0:07, closed)
Ripped and musical, you say?
Do you need a stalker at all?
(, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 0:44, closed)
You had me at grade 8.
That by itself is an achievement (I managed to fail it 2 years in a row before getting through on a merit level... Stupid aural section)... have a click.
(, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 11:19, closed)
"serious looking business men who are dying inside and are coming to the gym after work to avoid going home to the wife who doesn't love them and the children they don't understand anymore."
This is a beautiful piece of prose. Well done.
(, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 12:20, closed)
heh
I'd entirely forgotten that I had written this, considering how drunk I was at that point I'm somewhat amazed at my coherence and general eloquence.
(, Sun 12 Jul 2009, 13:51, closed)

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