Confusion
Leave rice pudding alone, cooked by my mum with a nice skin of nutmeg it is lovely. Nothing like that horse spunk in a can named for the food of the gods. Also, tea (yes, I know its a drink) is simply nasty. When enjoying a scone drowning in clotted cream and jam, I don't want a cup of hot leaves that make me piss till it stings. Artificial sweeteners, whisky tango foxtrot? How can they call it a sweetener when it turns anything as bitter as aspirin? I have also developed an allergy to them, aspartame and saccharine. After drinking a "diet" coke or what have you, welcome to temples in a vice headache time. Also diet coke tastes fuck all like coca cola.
(Turnip_cruncher***"It puts the lotion in the basket"***, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 15:20, Reply)

One of the Girls that I work with
refuses to eat mushrooms, even going to the lengths of not fishing them out of a meal that has them mixed in, or not eating anything that has touched them on the plate. Her reason....apparently they taste like Cum!
(Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez is seriously considering a shorter username, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 15:19, Reply)

I had a girlfriend...
... who wouldn't eat cream or custard and, sure enough, she wouldn't eat man fat either.
Luckily she loved chocolate.
(horace, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 15:14, Reply)

It's a little thing...
...called gnocci. Pronounced "nyo-ki." It's an Italian pasta that has the approximate consistency and texture of lightly chilled slugs. It has a disgusting, slightly sour taste and is filled with what I believe to be a mix of the powdered bones of the stillborn and mashed potato.

How anyone can eat this without gagging is beyond me. So don't eat gnocci, kids- its evil cannot be cured by even the cutest photos of kittens.
(GirnsieBabes- Ring baloney once! Ring baloney twice! Hey-ya, Kutztown sure is nice!, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 14:47, Reply)

Courgettes
There is nothing worse than these disgusting, slimey, pointless collections of snot that combine all the worst elements of cucumbers, aubergines and athlete's foot.

If I ever come across a field of courgettes I will set the fvcker alight and sing while it burns.

Not a fan of lasagne either, to be honest. Overly complex spag bol with a rancid cheesey topping Bleuurgh.
(Kong, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 14:38, Reply)

rice pudding
goddamn all of you whining about celery and offal. Surely it is obvious that rice pudding is the foulest of the foul? Like spunk produced from a camel's salt encrusted bell end. And if it's got jam in it then it just looks like spunk from a person with galloping cock rot. And custard is nearly as bad.
Believe.
(Man Worm, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 14:32, Reply)

Why are all these people whinging about celery
and the fact it requires more calories to eat etc etc. So what?!

Are you all fat sods? Celery contains other important nutrients etc that are dietary requirements. It isn't all about the calories, folk :)

5 points for anyone who can tell me what 'vitamins' are.

You can go back to eating your lard cakes now ;)
( Spunkmeyer, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 14:27, Reply)

seafood.....what a joke
There are quite a few foods i cannot stand, top of the list....

Seafood.....eeeewwww....shudder.....retch...retch...retch

Shellfish, why oh why would you want to eat shellfish? They eat shit, literally, see Finding Nemo..the crabs on the sewage outlet. Yuk.

Oysters, mussels and all the other stuff baffle me once again...shit-eaters. More than anything it's the texture...slimy, rubbery. Nasty in every way and if not cooked properly can kill you...nuff said

Fish - the smell of it makes me puke; really. I will change my route to avoid walking past a fishmongers, if this is not possible I will hold my breath for at least 30 seconds, not easy when you are panicking and walking fast I tell you. The smell of it cooking? ohmygod, it is making me feel ill right now.

There is a reason for this hatred, my dad used to have a lobster business...catching them. In order to attract the shit-eating bastards into the lobster pot you put rotting fish in there as bait. During my hols I was co-opted to assist in said enterprise...this meant putting the rotting fish in the pots and many other nasty jobs.

On the way out to the lobster pots we would drop a driftnet to catch any unfortunate fishies going by which we would pick up on the way back to port. We never caught any porpoises or dolphins don't worry. Once these poor unfortunate fishies had been dragged in It was my job to gut them. The smell of fish guts is indescribable, i had to wear a mask to stop the inevitable wretching. Getting the smell off your hands is almost impossible as well.

I think those experiences explain my hatred; never fear my Dad works for me now and I occasionally wreak unholy revenge on him for the mental torture I endured on that boat.

I am not apologising for the length, ban fishing....now...all of you stop eating fish....now...if you like fish, try gutting one that'll cure you.
(jr_jayr, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 14:25, Reply)

I can't believe I forgot...
Mayonaise.

Holy Jebus, this stuff is the bane of my life. To illustrate, using mock SQL:

SELECT SANDWICH FROM [ALL_SHOPS]
WHERE MAYO_CONTENT = 0 AND CHEESE_CONTENT = 0

...returns no results. Why is it that sandwich makers think that everyone wants to eat their chicken and salad with a big dollop of jizz all over it? It turns almost any food into an oily, slimy, sickening mess and it's unspeakably foul, in fact I'm dry retching thinking about it just now. Fuck mayonaise. Fuck it up its stupid asshole.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 14:20, Reply)

Shock Horror!
I cannot stand cream of almost nay type, or custard It jsut feels too gooey 'n' stuff now who wants that in their mouth? especially custard which tastes like rank 1 month old stale bananas.

Eugh
(Rychan, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 13:34, Reply)

And another thing...
...what's the deal with Butter Beans? They look like those polystyrene packing chips and woull hazard a guess that they taste like 'em too.

Perhaps when we've exhaused the world's supply of packing foam, we can look forward to opening our Hi-Fi boxes crammed full of butter beans.
(Captain Fishy, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 13:29, Reply)

Devine Dog poo
Yes she really ate the dogshite, she was stoned.

Anyway, other horrible food, LARD, horrible greasy slimy raw pig fat.

Cambells meatballs, fucking strange little greasy lumps of slime and minced eyeballs.

Oh and Kentucky fried chicken, more like deep fried street pidgeon! (With added cigarette ends!)
(Finn_coyote, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 13:24, Reply)

pink flamingos
i always think of that bit in "pink flamingos" where Divine eats dog poo. Don't know if its real or not but it makes me gag, whatever im eating.
(callipygous everytime I kill a hitchhiker, God masturbates, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 13:19, Reply)

BATTENBERG CAKE
Was invented by Hitler's granny.

Seems terribly complicated baking just to keep the old dear's happy at coffee club.

Its FACT that like hundreds and hundreds of years ago Hanzel and Gretel are so much Batterberg cake they fucking exploded and their remains were eaten by BEARS and shit.

Nasty.
(Bowling_for_Maybelline I know a Malteser when I hear it, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 13:14, Reply)

Asparagus
I really, REALLY hate asparagus, I don't know why its just I swear they're the devil spawn...
(soupeh came out of lurking on, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 13:05, Reply)

hmmm....
My dad used to travel a lot, and as a result, would come home with various new recipes to try out. i have many here, but the most memorable was from my young childhood...

picture it. we're sitting around, waiting on mince n tatties (we're scottish) when dad walks in and hands us all plates. i look. i look again. it seems dad had been to spain or something. There, sitting on the plate, were whole baby octopus'. they sat, tentacles wrapped round them, glistening on the plate. The thing i recall most is my sister saying "they're looking at me....THEY'RE LOOKING AT ME! AAAAGH!" needless to say we never had that again.
(alchohol, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 12:59, Reply)

Mushrooms
Specifically cooked mushrooms.

Y'know, when they go all black and slimey and don't look so much like food but some pus-filled, cancerous baboon's testicle.

And they smell the same too (not that I have smelled a pus-filled, cancerous baboon's testicle).

BLEURGH!
(SpangleDangle >->)))'>, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 12:59, Reply)

Bad Food
Cookery programs should be taken off the air with immediate effect, as they have the evil side-effect of making your girlfriend/wife/mom/live-in cook put something odd in your favourite meal all of a sudden. Like a big lump of ginger that I wasn't expecting that made me sick curry through my nose. Mmmm I'll just have a nice cup of tea - what's that NOOOO!!!! sweetener instead of sugar!!! evil! It feels like there's a sticky film in my mouth that tastes kind of odd and sour (oo-er missus).
And whilst I'm on the subject of things that taste like a poo, all organs are wrong. Broad and runner beans are wrong. Sour Cream? Don't get me started. Basically anything that sounds like it should be on the floor should not be in your mouth.
(lemonymillenniumbaboon, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 12:58, Reply)

Cucumber
There's only one use for cucumber, and it's definitely NSFW...
(Tiny Clanger and his vibrating badger of DOOM, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 12:57, Reply)

Scones
It isn't so much a dislike of the taste or texture but more a fear of them.

Me and the (now ex) missus in a tea room in Lincoln, I get a scone and a cup of tea. Cut the scone open to see a massive juicy raisin. Yum!

Except it wasn't a raisin.

It was a fucking big bastard beetle. I went a bit green, took some deep breaths and complained and to the day I die I will not believe what they said to me.

"Oh, that doesn't happen often. Would you like another one?"

Would I bollocks.
( Spunkmeyer, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 12:55, Reply)

Another discrepancy:
The smell of vanilla extract and the taste. My mother, god bless her little pea brain, once fed me a spoonful of the stuff to teach me that not everything that smells good will taste good. I think it was to warn me off antifreeze and the like, bit I only became suspicious of mom saying, "Would you like to taste this?"
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 12:40, Reply)

Another quick one while I think of it...
Herbal teas.

You know, those fruit-flavoured things that your girlfriend buys because she's trying to give up caffeine? You pour hot water on them and they smell delicious, like sweets or blackcurrant cordial or something, but when you try to drink the stuff the taste is absolutely rancid. I've never come across such a blatant inconsistency between smell and taste anywhere else in the culinary world...Why do people drink these foul brews?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 12:27, Reply)

Actually
ive just remembered! Once we were having brocolli for dinner, which we grow ourselves. I had just gobbled up my fair share, when, cue my sister
"Dad what the fuck is this?"
cue dad
"I think its caterpillars"

I HAD JUST EATEN A LOAD OF DEAD, BOILED MAGGOT LIKE CREATURES! But no butterflies in my stomach after tho. -*tumbleweed*- yes im sorry it was an appauling joke.
(javier, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 12:21, Reply)

In tesco
they have some fruit juice named after a cartoon charatcer. From Winnie The Pooh. Now, its called Roo Juice, but you really know that they wanted to call it...
(javier, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 12:18, Reply)

The red terror
All the ladyfolk of my family have this obsession with boiled beetroot to the extent that they will have girls' nights in to watch a suitable girly film like Gone With The Wind, and sit around eating the stuff together.

I assume. I have no idea what else goes on because as soon as a pan of beetroot goes on the stove the smell is enough to keep me away from the house, retching and choking, for days on end. I've heard from friends that in certain areas of Australia they serve beetroot with everything; that surely must be hell.

Oh, and cheese. Besides beetroot, cheese is just about the worst thing ever.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 11:54, Reply)

Didn't mean to be self-righteous!
Just wanted say if needs must etc. Parents told me terrible stories of wartime rationing - and yes they said they'd never eat that crap again!
Anyway, on the subject of insects, I just remembered that I have a certificate at home from a restaurant at Victoria Falls proving I'd ate 4 mealy bugs! A bit nutty flavoured and gritty but not the worst thing I've ever consumed - see the squid ink bladder story on page wherever!.
I beleive you can get tinned locusts in chocolate in Africa.
news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/animals/newsid_2144000/2144962.stm
(Doctor Evil, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 11:31, Reply)

Tofu is fermented soy-bean curd.
A couple of people have asked about it, and/or nominated it as a hated food.
In my experience, most people who won't eat it:
a) don't know what it is
b) think it is "only for vegetarians"
c) are rampantly anit-vegetarian
d) have only ever seen/tasted it when it hasn't been prepared properly.

Why not broaden your mind and try something new? Cooked in the right way, it has a wonderfull texture and picks up the flavours of sauces, like teriyaki, perfectly. Simply using it to replace the meat in any recipe will result in a disaster (better to use Quorn for this).

The only inedible foods I've come across are:
Squid: tastes okay, but requires hours of chewing
Oranges: nice, but the juice drains away and leaves a pappy mess in my mouth
Liver: tastes bad, but being offal doesn't mean you can't eat it (kidneys are great, as is haggis)
Tuna-pasta-bake: only when made by my dad, everyone else's is okay, but I tend to give it a wide berth, just in case.
I think i'd draw the line at eating insects, and I'm not so sure that I'd want to try tripe either (probably goes back to my childhood aversion to any fat or gristle in my food - I'd throw up if I bit into any, so used to disect sausages before I could eat them).

This QotW is making me alternately hungry and annoyed at people for slagging of some of my favoured foods (brussles, celery, marmite, cheese, kidneys...)

Edit: forgot to mention Veal - what's the point? Tastes like beef, costs twice as much. Nevermind the fact that its even less humane than ordinary beef. Ate this once when hurried by the waiter (so I ordered from the top of the menu). Seriously underwhelmed by my dinner.
Instant Mashed Potato - Again, what is the point of this? I'd eat this only under protest/rationing.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 11:29, Reply)

self righteous
and by the way sorry custard....I wholly agree with you about the self righteousness of said member
(monkey_holding_peach, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 11:25, Reply)

vegetarian intestines
when I was in Taiwan i saw a packet of "Vegetarian Intestines" in a supermarket
(monkey_holding_peach, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 11:23, Reply)

Quorn
A 'meat substitute' made up of fungus grown in a vat. I'm not even sure that can be classed as food.
(dulancs, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 11:15, Reply)