Helicopter or not?
Let me turn the clock back a year or two to the induction day to the primary school for my son. I turn up with a group of other parents to listen to the class teacher explain a few things about what they will be doing, sign certain forms, learn what we need to send them to school with and look at the shiny toys they will get to play with etc etc. The whole meeting is going well until the teacher starts to wind up the whole event by asking the group “Any other questions?”. I was going to ask if I could play in the sandpit/ waterwheel combo in the corner but I totally forgot after hearing the next exchange from a certain group of mothers.


“What do we do about medicine?” Asked mum1
(Before teacher could answer she was cut off by mum 2) “Yes my girl T has to take 5 different vitamins a day and will only take them from me I will have to come in myself to give them to him”
Me: (Whispering to the wife): Is it me or has this become some kind of bidding war for craziest parent
Mum 3: What if they injure themselves will you call me I like to tend to P’s injuries myself
Teacher: Erm… only if its something major, one of the forms you filled in earlier was to allow us to administer any basic first aid such as plasters on cuts etc etc)
(Before Mum 3 can reply she is cut off by mum 1)
Mum 1: My son can only eat if you sing to him
Mum 2: Mine is allergic to milk or anything that looks like it
(Me Thinking What other drink looks like Milk? He’s not going to be fed a pot of glue is he?)
Mum 4: Ah I didn’t like to mention it here but I have to cut my sons dinner up for him (Turns out anyone else would cut it too big for him) and he still breastfeeds so I will need to arrange to come in twice a day.
(Class falls silent somewhere in my head an electronic buzzer goes off with some bloke yelling we have a winner of this years crazyparent)
Teacher: 0_0
Me: Jesus Christ (Not a good thing to say in a Church School and kind of set my reputation up for the rest of my sons primary school life)

Turns out that the breastfeeding had to stop when the kid of Mum 4 started biting her when feeding. She still goes to school at set intervals each day to cut up his dinner and to bottlefeed him with breastmilk though. He’s 8 in October.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 11:19, 21 replies)

This has to be a joke
Please say it ain't true!
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 11:57, closed)

Sorry
I am afraid that it is true. My wife (A long time lurker on this site) read through the QOTW and reminded me of the incident at the weekend.

I'm grateful that my son dosent really hang around with the kid of Mrs Breastmilk
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 12:12, closed)

That kid is going to be one screwed up kid.
I don't understand the rational for breast feeding so long as recommended by some of the crazier and more rabid members of the Leche League. It is so far removed from any natural scenario to be totally insane. If he has younger siblings are they all fighting for the teat with the weakest dying as he/she can't compete?

Very weird (and I do think breast feeding is by far the best food for babies)
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 13:19, closed)

"...can only eat if you sing to him."
I'm struggling to believe it...but part of it reckons it could be true given the rubbish some parents come out with these days.

Either way, I'm going to click it because it made me laugh. Did you ever get to play in the sandpit in the end?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 12:08, closed)

Got to play with it but not as long as I wanted......
I had a chance to play with a water wheel type object and also a sieve.

It ended earlier than I wanted it to as my missuis told me I had to act my age for once.

Spoilsport.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 12:17, closed)

I would have argued
that it's important to play with your children.

_{Not in that way, you sick bastard}
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 12:24, closed)

I would have but..
It was hard to use that excuse, my kid was outside in the playground on the slide with his mates (He knew them from nursery.

I was just dicking about on my own.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 12:30, closed)

In which case
I would argue that...um...you think it would be a stimulating and educational toy for bison jnr and you're just testing it for exactly those purposes. Not just because your inner child misses playing in sandpits.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 12:35, closed)

Dammit
I will use that next time I find myself in a similar situation.

My daughter is due to start at the same school in January so I hope it will be then.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 13:00, closed)

when you take her
wear shorts and bring a bucket and spade. keep looking longingly towards the sandpit.make little squeeky noises. then when the teacher is in the middle of her talk, just slowly edge away until you are sat in the sandpit. then build some castles and a moat so no one can take you out.
(danglesmurf, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 8:29, closed)

The humble sieve
is a massively underrated plaything.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 11:56, closed)

Yes yes yes.
Win.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 12:48, closed)

And *click*
There's nothing like parents meetings to make you feel sane.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 13:17, closed)

click!
ftw.

especially the singing bit.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 13:59, closed)

Jesus CHRIST !!!
JEEE---SSSSUUUSSSS CCHHH-RRRR-IIIISSSSTTTT !!! This should win by a country mile, mate. This is both funny and scary in equal measure. Cheers.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 14:17, closed)

Does she cut up the breastmilk?

(MrTerrorbag kills the elderly to save the economy., Tue 15 Sep 2009, 15:26, closed)

I reckon...
And I could be wrong about this, but it's to do with educated, ambitious, competitive parents, who have kids later in life (say, post age 35)who act like this. You don't catch teenaged/early twenties parents doing this...

*Click* Though, if only for the ace-sounding waterwheel sand thingy!
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:31, closed)

mostly because
teenaged parents are too fucking thick to know what the hell they are doing, hence the baby in the first place, never mind being competitive with their children (except in a ridiculous names contest of course)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 18:50, closed)

On hot days
...she should freeze her breast milk onto a stick and HEY PRESTO! - a tasty bitty ice lolly
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 22:17, closed)

Do you live in Disturbia?

(Scritty Bakerman., Wed 16 Sep 2009, 8:12, closed)

Oh. My. God.
This is fucking scary...but I agree with the sandpit idea up there ^^
( snee held his breath since, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 9:49, closed)