Jumpin' Jack Flash and Elenor Rigby
I remember as a kid watching this epic film starring Whoopi Goldberg. I thought to myself how amazing it would be to meet people without having to make eye contact and smile at the right times.
Then the call came, Hansdown, we have the internet.
It was going to be my first time on this untamed, mystical beast.
Compuserve was the order of the day and in particular 'chat'.

I rushed over.
The modem made shit fit sounds but I was a kid of the 80s and could handle the weird noises computers made - usually when the game started.

She was Swiss and friendly. I found that out because I hadn't legged it. In classic Alan Partridge style (I was so street) we started talking chocolate bars.
This kind, flirtatious girl offered to send me Toblerone from Switzerland. Well fuck me dead, a gesture of kindness and affection.

Sat in my chair I had lost all composure if I'm honest. I was transformed back to the excited 6 year old who would run around the house like a gurning epileptic just at the prospect of having chips for me tea.

She asked for my address. Crikey, stranger danger? Fuck it!
"I've just stuck the toblerone up me, and now it's in the post" Only the small bar then. Bitch.
Rather like the chocolate delight winging it's way to me, I was crushed.
This wonderful new device, this great opportunity for me to be me and to have real meaningful relationships not founded on abject fear had been torn from me as quickly as it had enticed me. I had entered the land where all the lonely people belong.
(Hansdown, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 5:33, 6 replies)

You fool, Toblerones are Swedish.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 8:40, closed)

and swedes don't even have fannies

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 8:53, closed)

The mountains on the box are the alps. It's definitely Swiss. I'll put a tenner on it!
(Hansdown, Sat 24 Mar 2012, 10:31, closed)

irlol+click

(Natrix, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 9:29, closed)

You missed the chance to shag someone with a triangular twat

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:30, closed)

When I was a new mum...
I was looking for all things baby-related. Clicked on a chatroom, "Mommies with Milk."

It was not what I thought it was.

No, thank you, I do not want you to send me pictures of ...
( kila is reading clocks upside-down as usual, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 10:39, closed)