Pop festivals.
I've just remembered this one. It's not something you see at any other festival, but for some reason it is seen year after year at a particular site and it drives me fucking barmy.

At least ninety percent of the women will turn up, the day before the festival commences wearing full make up and hair rollers. They will keep these in until about thirty minutes until they go into the festival itself under the belief that it will keep their hair pristine until the bitter end of the weekend. They will then apply make up in a manner that will leave them looking like Jordan's stunt double.

They tell you it's because they want to stay beautiful and dignified all weekend. They then proceed to ruin it by, rather than queueing for the toilets, pissing and shitting where ever they fucking feel like so the entire site smells like a sewage farm.

All festivals, with two exceptions, are fucking great to work at, with crowds who are genuinely absolutely lovely. For some reason, anything that is designed to attract a crowd who enjoy 'popular' music will be full of posers, preener's and drug addicts.
( Muns, Fri 4 Oct 2013, 15:46, 13 replies)

I imagine there's nothing so alluring as a shitfaced heavily made-up dolly bird, squatting against a chainwire fence, coiling out a steamer.
( Ken Oath, Fri 4 Oct 2013, 15:50, closed)

What really amazes me about it all
is that their friends will always help them retain a shred of dignity by holding a coat up to cover them.

They don't cover their exposed genitals as it pumps out the previous days intake of alcohol, burgers and MDMA, but instead, their faces.
( Muns, Fri 4 Oct 2013, 15:55, closed)

Well, toilet belming can be terribly unflatttering.
( Ken Oath, Fri 4 Oct 2013, 15:59, closed)

Well that's my wankbank sorted for the weekend.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Fri 4 Oct 2013, 16:02, closed)

that is a wonderful analogy
poetic...
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 4 Oct 2013, 16:14, closed)

Leeds festival, right?

( rofl harris, Fri 4 Oct 2013, 16:17, closed)

Think of Rob being pissed on, for this example.
I can't imagine they'd be much better but I have no involvement with the company that has that contract.
( Muns, Fri 4 Oct 2013, 16:29, closed)

Ah yes, Leeds.
If it's not the mud, it's the smell of piss. If it isn't the smell of piss, it's the smell of weed. Failing that, seventy thousand sweaty teenagers usually combine to make my nose shut down in protest.
(piston_broke Actually thinks Supermatt is a decent bloke., Fri 4 Oct 2013, 17:12, closed)

and if it's not the smell of piss
It's the smell of burning portaloos, containing burning festival turds.
( rofl harris, Fri 4 Oct 2013, 17:32, closed)

one year, an employment agency eventually found me a stewarding job there after six weeks of continuous nagging
it was perfect,* apart from a few things:

a) you weren't allowed to smoke or drink on site at all, not even during the 12 hours out of 24 that you weren't working, or else you'd get instantly fired without pay
b) if you wanted to go back to the city (e.g. to have a proper shower and a hot meal), you had to use a designated coach which charged £8 per trip, or else you'd get instantly fired without pay
c) you had to keep an immaculate appearance throughout your whole tour of duty, or else you'd get instantly fired without pay (good fucking luck there)
d) the agency took a 30% cut out of your wages, which were only minimum wage to start with**, and if you complained you'd get instantly fired without pay

needless to say I had the last laugh didn't take it, and gave some other mug a golden opportunity to be a dogsbody and get next to nothing for it

* i.e. it paid more than sod-all
** that kind of thing was perfectly legal back then
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 4 Oct 2013, 19:06, closed)

Name and shame
I'm guessing V Festival as it is designed for people who like neither festivals nor music, but then I might be prejudiced because I like the ones that are half-hippy, half-ketamine muntfest.

EDIT: Maybe also Boomtown. Whilst it does have the K-muntfest thing going on, it also has a fair number of scally twats and the stewards do not get to do anything fun. This year there were some whose job was to hide in the woods on the hill and make sure that none of the assembled K-heads decided to skip the path and roll down the hill like some sort of drunken Sasquatch.
(Eukanuba, Fri 4 Oct 2013, 19:25, closed)

First guess is spot on.

( Muns, Mon 7 Oct 2013, 9:19, closed)

When I went to see Stone Roses at Finsbuy Park
They had usual plastic portaloos for the girls but the guys, being able to pee standing up, had an outdoor enclosure full of urinals. This enclosure had a waist high semi-transparent fabric fence to provide some small modicum of privacy. Inevitably, the que for the girls toilets stretched half way round Finsbury Park, so some of the more brazen 'ladies' started using the guys urinal area hitching up their skirts and squatting at any available urinal. I wouldn't have minded, but I find it very hard to pee when I have a STONKING GREAT ERECTION!
(Nitrous Nitrous, Sat 5 Oct 2013, 10:03, closed)