Stuff:
I can strip down and clean the SA-80 combat rifle. It's a proper piece of crap and I'm astonished anyone managed to shoot anything with it.

I can take a '1 pint bath'. Proper rank that is.

I can skin, clean and prepare a rabbit and cook it and usually (dependant on size of rabbit) also end up with some nice fingerless mittens. Or a rabbit glove puppet to entertain the kids with...

I know how to use an axe properly as well.

However, I'm now a director in a major investment/management firm. In the event I have to use all of these skills at the same time you had better be more concerned about the downfall of society as we know it...
( Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 16:18, 25 replies)

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( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 16:24, closed)

back in the knife drawer Mr Sharp

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 16:36, closed)

Back to lurking and telling shit stories duckman.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 20:39, closed)

0-o 0-o
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(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 8:15, closed)

at the risk of sounding thick
What on earth is a one pint bath?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 16:35, closed)

:-|

(Beelzebub's Ball Bag is pleasuring your wife on, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 16:37, closed)

You know when you pay philipino whores to shit on you in a bath?
It's a bit like that only you cut off your genitals and put them in a pint glass instead.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 16:44, closed)

if you had to do it for real
you'd probably prefer this option.

Unless hygiene is not your thing.
( Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 16:55, closed)

You think I would probably prefer to castrate myself and have the gory offcuts shat upon by a whore
rather than have to wash in a small amount of water?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 17:12, closed)

You mean
you wouldn't?

you should try it.
( Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 17:16, closed)

No
He's saying you'd just prefer that to washing doc
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 17:29, closed)

allegedly
you can do all your personal hygiene needs in a VERY particular order with one pint of water.
In certain unfortunate circumstances you need to know this order.
( Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 16:54, closed)

Teeth first, arse last, I'd imagine.
In fact, I'd hazard:

Teeth
Face
Hair
Limbs
Pits
Balls
Feet
Arse

Am I right?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 16:56, closed)

You're wanking as you type this, aren't you?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 17:03, closed)

Yup - both hands.
I've switched the speech recognition on.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 17:07, closed)

I call shenanigans.
Directors of major investment/management firms do not read b3ta. From my experience, few of them can actually read.
( argyleblanket The man on the roof works for me, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 17:36, closed)

i concur with your call of shenanigans
hold on while i go grab my broom
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 17:54, closed)

The L85A1 was shit, but it has improved
I've also shot a rabbit with one, although after at least 100 rounds of 5.56 between the 6 of us, there wasn't much left to skin
(Kip, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 18:11, closed)

The American method of hunting catching on then?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 4 Jul 2011, 23:34, closed)

something like that,
we were on the range in Winchester, getting prepared when a bunny sauntered onto the range about 70mtrs away, a little wink from the Sergeant, and it was fire at will.

My mate was in 2 Para and managed to kill a sheep with a GPMG on a moor somewhere, totally by accident though.
(Kip, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 10:57, closed)

killing anything with a GPMG is by definition an accident.
You just start aiming somewhere below and left of what you want to hit and then pull the trigger and pray.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:52, closed)

I had a loaded* SA-80 pointed at my belly last year.
If I'd known how crap it was I wouldn't have clenched my sphincter quite so tightly.



_{* the chatty Royal Navy guard on the deck of HMS Ark Royal coughed and blushed and hastily swung it away from my beer gut when I quietly asked, "is that thing loaded?"}
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 0:14, closed)

Its crapness was more due to its propensity to jam in sandy/dirty/cloudy/anything other than 25 degrees and pleasant sunshine conditions.
Oh, and the magazine release catch is on the left side of the body and early versions weren't recessed, so anyone right-handed running with one could accidentally release the mag, say in the middle of some woods, without knowing it. This goes down well with senior NCOs.

Mind you, it still wasn't as bad as the L98 version given to cadets. It jammed so often it might as well have been made of soft fruit and sugar.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:50, closed)

I can attest to this
Having been a cadet and having spent more time on field exercises attempting to clear the bloody thing than actually shooting*.

*blanks, naturally. Insert joke here about infertility etc.
(Sir Itchalot has a very self-referential signature, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:58, closed)

"However, I'm now a director in a major investment/management firm."
You also remember how to tell 100% made up facts.

*click* ... for "...SA-80 combat rifle. It's a proper piece of crap and I'm astonished anyone managed to shoot anything with it."
(iamdoingapooasisignup, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:22, closed)