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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Alright. Food thread. /Talk doesn't eat food so I'm posting it here.
What meals have you made that sound revolting, but are actually surprisingly tasty? The other day my housemate told me about 'tuna and egg pie'. It sounds fucking grim but it was actually delicious. Eggcellent, if you will.

Food thread, away!
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 2:55, Reply)
Mackerel Chow Mien
I thought at first it was only good because I ate it while drunk and so I made another batch the next day and it was still awesome.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 8:05, Reply)
That sounds vile, but that's what all this is about

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:43, Reply)
You're not going to reply anyway you rude cunt

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 8:23, Reply)
+ chips

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 8:50, Reply)
*hopes it's chips, it's chips*

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 8:51, Reply)
It's lentils, soz

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 8:58, Reply)
*fries circular pieces of oignon*

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:20, Reply)
Oh really

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:42, Reply)
Pork, apple and spinach curry

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 8:39, Reply)
Chutney
I fucking love all chutneys.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 8:56, Reply)
Morning Darth

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 8:57, Reply)
Morning sunshine
Oh I see what you did there
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:03, Reply)
do you "ferret" them out?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 8:57, Reply)
I root them out.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 8:58, Reply)
I find them really quite filling

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:00, Reply)
I get stuffed on them.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:01, Reply)
You like anal intercourse with men.
What? Not subtle enough?
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:05, Reply)
Your mums vag filled with dog food

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 8:58, Reply)
Awww again?
We had that last night...
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Bu tonight, it's Caesar with real meaty chunks in gravy

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:00, Reply)
Mum prefers Chappie.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:01, Reply)
Is she as fit as a butchers dog?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:02, Reply)
She's got a face like one.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:12, Reply)
Cock
Morning all
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:07, Reply)
Holaaaaaa.
Everything copacetic?
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:11, Reply)
You must be reasonably chipper this morning old boy
Now all you need is for Southampton to lose at home to Coventry!
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:17, Reply)
I am.
There is a very small chance that we might avoid the play offs.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:19, Reply)
I'll avoid them by not watcvhing kevball

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:22, Reply)
Typically the team that finishes third is gutted and fucks up the playoffs
Not last season though. Keep playing like you did last night and the horror of a Wembley penalty shootout could be yours
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:23, Reply)
Morning fella

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:14, Reply)
+ tio
teeheehee
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:17, Reply)
Haha

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:20, Reply)
FNM tickets go on sale today
Payday is tomorrow. I will have my fingers crossed for the next 24 hours
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:18, Reply)
morning
crossed deep in a tramp's anal cavity
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:19, Reply)
Hope you are in luck fella

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:19, Reply)

luck my greasy shit pipe by lunchtime
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:21, Reply)
Good strikethroughs today sir

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:28, Reply)
Thanks mate
and thank you again for letting me know about it
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:23, Reply)
My signature dish, the 'bot dog'.
Nom nom nommity nom.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:21, Reply)
I'm still lolling at my joke

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:22, Reply)
I'm sure you are, you drooling simpleton.
Everyone else is lolling at your simian features and heavy, neanderthal brow.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:24, Reply)
I'm not sure if I can top it today, but I'll give it a good shot
watch this space!
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Here's hoping!!!!!!

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:34, Reply)
+between my ears

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:39, Reply)
Sounds delish.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:23, Reply)
Sounds shit

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:24, Reply)
I know.
I was being sarcastic.
How's tricks?
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:24, Reply)
Is Sportscow a prostitute?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:26, Reply)
I was young and needed the money
money cock
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:27, Reply)
It's a cross most people have to bear at some stage..

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:30, Reply)
No bears were involved

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:30, Reply)
Jealous.
They were involved when I had to live with it.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Untricky
My back has gone tits again. No sleep since Friday (The Beastie Boys etc...) and an appointment at the docs at 11:30, carefully avoiding the doc who saw me last

Me: "My back is killing me and I can't sleep"
Doc: "So what do you want me to do about it?"
Me: "......"

How are you miss?
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:26, Reply)
I am good. Fantastic even.
I got given a two week placement working in the allergy labs under one of my professors over the winter break. As far as I know, no one else on my course has been offered this so I'm pretty stoked.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:29, Reply)
Woo, congrats!

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:30, Reply)
I like this!
Go you!
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Thanks. :D
I'm a bit excited. It's unpaid of course, but it's a great opportunity and will hopefully give me an edge over other people when I'm job hunting.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:32, Reply)
'merde a la table cafe'
Una Stubbs served it to me.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:22, Reply)
Give us a clue Monts

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:23, Reply)
LOL

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:26, Reply)
erm...
Lay Out Log

*sounds like*
*film*
*3 words*
etc...
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Glastisch Scheiße
Served with a nice Gewurztraminer.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Or a curried Bisto if you're unlucky.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:28, Reply)
Sounds like a midlands delicacy
"We're out of Bovril"
"Nivvor moind, Oi'll do you some curried Bistow"
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:33, Reply)
Oww yiss.
Loovlay.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:34, Reply)
?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:34, Reply)
O, yes please, two sugars.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:47, Reply)
French cuisine
Is so much more sophisticated than the British
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Hahahaha

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:43, Reply)
After watching Monty's favourite British, space based, TV show
I made triple fried egg sandwiches, with chilli sauce and chutney.

Fucking gorgeous!
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:23, Reply)
The Sky at Night?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:24, Reply)
Oh fucking hell, must you bring that up again?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Red Dwarf rules.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:28, Reply)
Check this out everyone!!!!!
'WHAT THE SMEGGING SMEG?????!!!!!!!'

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Positively Wildean.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:29, Reply)
Don't get me wrong, I do like quite a number of episodes of it
Others haven't aged well at all though
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:30, Reply)
Theme tune: bent
Actors: shit
Plotlines: pathetic
Sets: shoddy
Smeg: 1000,000,0000,0000,000000000,0000000
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Chill out, Iron Balls.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:49, Reply)
Which do you want me to do first?
Chill out, or iron my balls?
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:51, Reply)
The Sandwich or The Sky at Night?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:32, Reply)
Anything to do with Red Dwarf
Everytime anyone does, we get this - www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1598192

Also, I'm still yet to try one of those sandwiches.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Shall I bring up my nuts again instead?
They are black and purple this morning and feel like someone is standing on them
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Urgh.
What happened?
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Someone stood on his nuts.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:38, Reply)
he tried to teabag a waste disposal unit.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Extreme teabagging

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:40, Reply)
I'm not sure
So I'll let these guys explain
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:40, Reply)
oh urgh, I didn't want to know that.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:40, Reply)
I know, I shouldn't have asked..

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Ahh, I thought as much.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:41, Reply)
And rightly so.
It's 'smegging' awful.

Craig Charles has only been funny twice in his life

1) When it came out that he was a cocaine crazed rapist
2) When the anecdote about his 'crack and wanking' crazed taxi ride from Manchester to London came out

AWOOOGA!!!!!!
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Just because that miserable shell of a man doesn't like something
it doesn't mean it has no value.

Despite him saying that it doesn't.

It's ironic really because I had Monts down as a bit of a Rimmer.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Yeah, well...
YOU'RE GAY!!!!
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:40, Reply)
sick burn

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:41, Reply)
I know. I'm well chuffed.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:42, Reply)
I'm shaking my head at you.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:42, Reply)
In a 'oh man, how do you it?' kind of way.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:43, Reply)
uuuhhh... yeah... exactly that way.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:47, Reply)
Thought so.
Listen, if I knew, I'd bottle it and sell it!!!
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Haha

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:41, Reply)
He is half right though
When I was 11 years old and sneakily staying up late to watch it, it was one of the funniest things I had ever seen. As I got older and they continued to make further series of it, it got progressively less and less funny.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Any adults still finding it amusing should take a look at themselves.*
*and if they are wearing a Red Dwarf t-shirt, should delete their accounts and kill themselves.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:45, Reply)
I'm happy to do it for them if it speeds things along.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:47, Reply)
Monty, earlier...

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:43, Reply)
SMEG OFF, JEFF!!!!!!!!!!

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:45, Reply)



Offs......
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:46, Reply)
RIMMSY, BIG MAN.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:48, Reply)
You know the internet, right?
You know those things that cover the branches of trees, right? The green, flat things?
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:50, Reply)
Caterpillars?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:53, Reply)
Stick insects

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Leaf insects?
do you have them there?
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:56, Reply)
bloody everywhere

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:57, Reply)
awesome.
I think they're cool.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:58, Reply)
The ones we have here aren't flat.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:58, Reply)
Until the 8 year old bert got hold of them

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:58, Reply)
What? My Nuts?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:02, Reply)
it's my fridge!!
only mine is pink.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:24, Reply)
You have a pink fridge?
surely that's taking it too far?
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:25, Reply)
yep, that's what started it all!
it's not as bad as it sounds - it's a pale pink, and the rest of the kitchen/dining room is all white walls, grey units, wooden floors, glass table, chocolate suede chairs etc. then other people bought me pink things to go with it, like the pink retro radio or the pink egg timer.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:35, Reply)
But I wasn't talking about Red Dwarf

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:57, Reply)
The Sky at Night.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 9:58, Reply)
Space 1999?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:01, Reply)
Exactly

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:02, Reply)
Wowee
Chilli sauce and chutney, have you ever tried chilli jam?
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 13:44, Reply)
It was another slow day in the Land of Off Topic.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:04, Reply)
its alright, i'm here now

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:05, Reply)
What is you employment status?
What do you do for a living?
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:06, Reply)
what the fuck has it got to do with you you nosey prick?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:07, Reply)
Ahhhhh OK I've worked it out from that

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:09, Reply)
cool, i'm glad we can be friends now

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:10, Reply)
In reference to the last thread
similar www.kineticnorth.com/Games/MarryShagKill/Default.aspx
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:09, Reply)
You have to click b3tans on the right.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:10, Reply)
oh man i'm really disappointed you can't choose kill for them all

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:10, Reply)
roflcopters,
just keep going until you get one of the three passable girls.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:11, Reply)
oph fuck is that what Sammi really looked like? i had no idea the reputation had grounding

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:12, Reply)
Yeeeaaaahhhppp
she has an annoying voice as well.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:13, Reply)
shes had surgery and stuff now, looks normal.
She's actually alright.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
They're all blokes
What about the 3 or 4 of us who aren't homos
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:13, Reply)
There are girls as well, but you don't get to filter between the two.
Keep clicking randomly.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:14, Reply)
I found Clenders
She's the only lady so far, I keep get Gronkpan over and over, what is it telling me!
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:16, Reply)
You can just look at all the pictures by clicking profile images on the right
and flicking through the drop box.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:20, Reply)
I keep getting rnuk.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:21, Reply)
He looks like a lesbian.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:22, Reply)
It's a little scary, true.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:23, Reply)
bloody aussies, so inebriated they can't even spell drunk

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:22, Reply)
I so wish I was that drunk.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:24, Reply)
oh good lord have mercy

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:20, Reply)
Suddenly I feel really handsome

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:23, Reply)
go and have another look at the bristol bash pics
that'll cure you
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:25, Reply)
You need to put comments on your FB pics!
I don't know who everyone is!
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:27, Reply)
the fat one is rachelswipe
the chubby one is jeff
the large one is BGB
B3th is the one on the portly side
and davros's granddad is a chunky lardo
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:36, Reply)
it's funny because
oh wait. no it isn't.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:37, Reply)
And let no one doubt that you were there.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:37, Reply)
to be fair
he didn't have a pop at you. and you're the fattest one of the lot.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:38, Reply)
He was very kind, just calling me chubby.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:38, Reply)
yeah but given how enormously fat you actually are
that was a compliment
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:44, Reply)
That's why I said he was kind.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Using the standard B3ta fat measuring system
Jeff registers as 6.2 fat ballbags
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:46, Reply)
i'm a 4.9
but only cos i keep sitting on my fat ballbags
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:47, Reply)
i watched from a distance like a martian in war of them worlds

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:40, Reply)

No one could have dreamed we were being scrutinized, as someone with a microscope studies creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. Few b3tans even considered the possibility of life in Quintens head and yet, across the gulf of space, a mind immeasurably inferior to ours regarded this Earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely, he drew his plans against us.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:44, Reply)
i'm going to land my space tube in your backyard and fuck shit up

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:46, Reply)
sounding pretty gay right here

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:46, Reply)
you like the thought of me and another man, don't you swipe?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
oh yeah
the thought of your neckless space tube jabbing into his hairy poo chute has got me frothing at the clopper like a washing tablet in lemonade.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:51, Reply)
this is your most erudite post of all time

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:51, Reply)
it's the stuuuuuuuuuuuupid app on my ipad
i wanted to create an album for it, but it would only let me post them on my wall.

however, it did let me play with the colours. that's why kroney looks so much more dashing in his sepia pic!
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:36, Reply)
On my iPhone you go to your photos bit
And hit the plus icon I the top right hand corner. You tag by going to the photo and tapping it. Unless we're using different O/Ss and therefore different apps, it should be the same procedure.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:42, Reply)
mine is something shit called "my pad"
it does not have a plus icon...
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Go to the app store
And get the proper Facebook one.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:46, Reply)
Ahh, THATS Kroney

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:42, Reply)
THATS THE (embarrassment to our education system) JOKE?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:46, Reply)
Link?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:27, Reply)
just look on my wall, they're all on there
there are more, but transferring them from the bb was such a ballache (sorry, couldn't resist!) that i'll do the rest later.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:37, Reply)
I can't see them :(

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:39, Reply)
Are you on FB?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:42, Reply)
I am yes

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:43, Reply)
But you're too good for the rest of us?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:51, Reply)
He's got oak flooring
so that's a yes then
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:59, Reply)
+in his 1 shelved cupboard

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 11:01, Reply)
Awww! you've totally unfriended me (or I've forgotten your real name)
That's it I'm going to not talk you you and generally sulk, you horrid meanie.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:47, Reply)
i havent!
you've just forgotten me.

i think i've only ever deleted one cunt from fb the whole time i've been on it.

oh, and al. but that was just because it seemed like everyone else was doing it, so.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
Nope, I've remembered you and you'r totally not on my list of bestest buddies
Right, this means War.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:51, Reply)
how very strange

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:51, Reply)
So you say.
It'll all part of your devious plan to something something... Now, how to handle this like a mature adult..... I know I'll ask Al, he knows how to do these things.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:53, Reply)
+badly
+baldy
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:55, Reply)
Most people didn't get to choose their pictures.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:25, Reply)
Le visage beau.
As your lot would dit.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:27, Reply)
oh god i've been invited to see a play in which sasha plays a lesbian in a swim suit
oh god
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:55, Reply)
also, you get a free chilli after ? :/

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:55, Reply)
the recruiters are now after exculsivity on my CV =/
Well, a couple of them are. That's not how it works is it?
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:55, Reply)
They just all want the fees, is all
Don't go exclusive
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:57, Reply)
Tell them no
They know you're going to move quickly and they're trying to secure the commission for themselves. You're not a house, you don't get taken off the market because somebody shows an interest.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:57, Reply)
Tell 'em "bollocks!"
Exclusivity is all on the side of the recruiter and gives you no benefit. I've been asked for exclusivity before and replied as above. Unless they can demonstrate a benefit to YOU of exclusivity as I said before - Tell 'em "bollocks!"
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 10:59, Reply)
Are you bollocks parrot?

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 11:00, Reply)
Nope!
I just think it's one of the better expletives - it can be used so many ways.
(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 11:04, Reply)
cheers all, thought so.

(, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 11:04, Reply)

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