My mother in law told me that she gave her husband a blowjob whilst he was driving.
I met my wife in a bar in North Soho, the champagne tasted odd though.

Nah not really, I picked her out of a mental, frigid, stress heads catalogue
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:29, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I have the subscription for that...

( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 15 May 2012, 11:30, Reply)

I was their cover girl for a while

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 May 2012, 11:32, Reply)

Which months?...

I'll see if I can wipe down dig out a few back issues
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 15 May 2012, 11:33, Reply)

According to my dad, my mother was marketing manager for them

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:35, Reply)

I think he might now have some clue as to her frigidity towards him...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 May 2012, 11:36, Reply)

The possibility of spawning another Boyce?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:38, Reply)

This was his defence for having an affair.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:38, Reply)

I'm going to have and affair as soon as I can find a hot, young, nymphomaniac, who loves to give head and likes it up the arse.
They must also know the correct ingredients in a pasty.
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:40, Reply)

or you could try to fix your marriage like an adult
you know, instead of going I WANT SEX MORE TYHAN ONCE EVERY SIX WEEKS

how about you take her out somewhere nice, away from the kids, treat her to a spa day and a trip to the salon, try to be 'sexy' (whatever her definiteion of that is) and see what happens when there's no pressure or kids?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:42, Reply)

Plus if his wife and mother of his children doesn't find him attractive, why would other women?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:45, Reply)

*coughSIMONWESTONFACEcough*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:46, Reply)

bitches be crazy

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:47, Reply)

Its been shit for about three years
You don't think i've tried all that shit?
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 12:16, Reply)

Give her loads of drugs.
MDMA and cocaine should loosen the old waistband.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 12:19, Reply)

I got in shit last night because I said once every six weeks is not normal
to which she said it is and her sister and mum agree. To which I pointed out that less than 10 times a year is classed as a sexless marriage and asked her what happened to the girl that used to meet me from work wearing a coat with nothing on underneath. She stomped off as usual and then pretended nothing was wrong again in the morning.
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:38, Reply)

maybe if you weren't so shit in bed and unattractive she would want to sleep with you?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:40, Reply)

I has crossed my mind
but then three days ago she told me the main reason she wanted to marry me so quickly was that I was good in bed. Which was great for the ego but didn't help considering I haven't even tried out my newly healed nuts yet.
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:42, Reply)

yeah but how long ago did you marry?
you need to change it up
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:43, Reply)

5 years ago
You're probably right, you're always right.
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:45, Reply)

its true, i am
its why i'm so wel liked
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:46, Reply)

Sounds like she might be overstressed and a bit depressed.
Have you tried switching her off and back on again?

Or, slightly more seriously, have you tried asking her how she feels, making sure she knows you have no ulterior sexy motives? Could she possibly have a touch of PND from little Darth Vader's birth?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 May 2012, 11:43, Reply)

Your saying he should just force her, right?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:46, Reply)

Or as PJ would prefer to put it:
Use the force.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:47, Reply)

hahaha 10/10
Get your 'shite sabre' out
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:48, Reply)

That's not Kroney.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:51, Reply)

My mate Fraz had sex with his Mrs the other night
...and he reckons it was the first time since sometime in 2010.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 15 May 2012, 11:43, Reply)

...when he was still in prison

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:49, Reply)

Suggest anal, that'll work

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:47, Reply)

Road noshes are brilliant.
You get a thumbs up from lorry drivers, who can all see through your sunroof.
( Kroney, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:42, Reply)

Never had one
I think I need to get a drivers licence first as I don't think Dominic my driving instructor would be up for it.
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:43, Reply)