Festival comedy hats are shit
Imagine your crazy ranting, add some condescension, and a healthy amount of 'convinced I'm right about everything despite the facts proving otherwise'. Remove the bit where you admit you're a psycho. Serve heated for half an hour, bringing back to the boil whenever you fucking feel like it.

Yeah.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:16, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

hug?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:18, Reply)

Stick it on my tab
We'll settle on the 22nd.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:19, Reply)

i'll throw in a pint too

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Boohoo I'm so upset.
Pint plz?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:30, Reply)

Mind if I take this one? No? Jolly good.
*ahem*

Piss off.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:32, Reply)

I CANT BELIEVE YOU'RE SO MEAN TO ME
I DEMAND MORE BEER OR I'LL CRY!
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:33, Reply)

| thought you said you weren't going in the end

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Depends on money
and maybe getting drunk and sending threatening sarcastic emails to the bloke I'm suing last night was a good idea.
Because he's apparently transfered some of the money I'm owed over.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)

uhoh, what did you say?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Pretty much this but a bit drunker.
You haven't submitted a defence, I've requested summary judgment but as I have no confidance you're going to pay at all, I've started a criminal case for fraud against you and I have 3 witness statments overhearing you telling me that you'd protect the deposit, the recipt and your signature on the tennancy agreement. (There's no limited liability in criminal cases)
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:46, Reply)

As long as you didn't swear or nuffink
then he might not realise you were pissed.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:47, Reply)

It was sent at 2am and I spelt "civil" as "civle"

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:50, Reply)

oh dear.
You also spelled confidence, receipt and tenancy wrong.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:52, Reply)

he doesn't deserve spell check.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Have you actually started a criminal case
Or is that a bluff? I am all for you taking on a cunty landlord.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Yeah I've reffered it to some fraud people,
given them the details and what not, I had to give a description of him I enjoyed putting "hair type: none".
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Haha, nice little dig there
An old landlord made ridiculous demands off of me and two mates after we left a house, totaling 3k plus with-holding the deposit.
We fought it all the way to small claims court, where the judge ruled out a vast number of the charges for various reasons, my favourite being the 'receipts for repair work' being invoices from his wife's company with the words "Labour: £1,500" on. Dodgy as fuck.
We were ordered to pay a small amount, basically £100 on top of the deposit (there were some damages and stuff left behind), and the landlord was livid.
He tried to take us back to court again to pay for more repairs and his court expenses, but Rachelswipe helped me with a letter that categorically told him to fuck off, and if he tried I would counter-sue for harassment.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)

oh yeah
i had forgotten about that! god i'm such a bitch.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:00, Reply)

bitch godsend. I cannot thank you enough!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:02, Reply)

yes you can
just keep posting that, periodically, in bold!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:05, Reply)

And if you ever get your technical-trainer-toned tush to a bash I'll buy you a thank-you drink

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:06, Reply)

excellent
mine's a double grey goose on the rocks and a diet coke on the side, thank you! oh, with a straw.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Done
*feels glares from Monty*
It's cool, dude, just a 'thank you' drink.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:12, Reply)

it's ok
monty isn't the possessive type.

it's all the others you have got to watch out for. ALL OF THEM.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Altogether, or one at a time
Makes no odds to me!
Because they'd probably panel me
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:15, Reply)

if you are suitably cunning
you will be able to get them all to fight each other
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Claire Rayner's dead dude.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:22, Reply)

She couldn't take it when she heard of my plight
And willed herself cancer.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:23, Reply)

I know how she feels

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:25, Reply)

you don't need to will yourself cancer
the rest of us have got that covered
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)

It's not a comedy hat
it's just a crocheted rainbow coloured cloche. I like it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:38, Reply)

Sounds fairly comedy to me

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:39, Reply)

you must eat so many lemons...
you can fill in the rest.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)

I'm not bitter about your stupid festival hat

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:44, Reply)

It's not your fault.
It's not your fault. Listen to me son, it's not your fault. It's not your fault.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:51, Reply)

That I don't like your hat?
Or my relationship predicament?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:55, Reply)

I was just trying to make you cry.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Play "Brothers in Arms" by Dire Straits, or put on "The Land Before Time"
And I'll find that this room will get a bit dusty all of a sudden.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:59, Reply)

I've got Sultans of Swing and Jurassic Park

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:12, Reply)

Won't bring the tears
But will bring cheers whenever a dino chomps on a stupid human.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:13, Reply)