My much missed Nan
Offered these words of wisdom, which have stuck with me.

"If you ever meet people off the internet, make them fairy cakes decorated with magenta cocks."
( wanderlust, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:26, 60 replies)

Oh......!
So you're Leanne(sp?)?!

I couldn't figure out which b3tan you were last night.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:30, closed)

Yups.
That's me :)
( wanderlust, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:33, closed)

photos to follow
when I get 'em on flickr. They were ace.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:33, closed)

Hiya Auntie Sandra!
How are you doing?

@wanderlust I feel as though I may have neglected you last night, allow me to rectify this by ensnuggling you to death via B3ta.

*ensnuggles*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:35, closed)

Oh, that reminds me...
Bert has very firm buttocks. Like mutton.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:42, closed)

*grrs*

They're like a couple of babies trying to wiggle their way out of bags of fresh meat.

*bounces 50p off buns of steel*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:44, closed)

@Bert
Thank you for the ensnugglement.

I didn't feel neglected though, Ancrenne was giving me more than enough love.
( wanderlust, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:46, closed)

*gawps*
You and Mrs ancrenne are very lovely ladies, next time there will have to be some real-life ensnuggling.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:47, closed)

It's weird, I met the likes of Bert, Al, CHCB, Kaol and Enzyme...
Yet I don't feel all that "omgomgomgomgomg" about it.

you bunch of let downs, you
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:50, closed)

Why would you feel omg about it?
We're just internet pplz.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:51, closed)

You're
famous internet peoples.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:51, closed)

Yes,
yes, I am. Indeed.

You should have asked for an autograph, I'm famous for my art.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:52, closed)

I'm not sure it would be appropriate to hang your art if family visited,
but thanks for the offer.

I've still not completely decided if it was an actor or you there last night. I was trying to find a hidden camera for him to deliver to you so you could tell everyone about what happened.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:54, closed)

Nope, it was definitely the real me
but by the time you'd got there I'd already used up most of my inappropriateness on chcb and Enzyme
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:56, closed)

Ah, roight, okay then. Couldn't they produce their own? ;)
What order did people arrive in then? I know one or two people got there VERY early and then pretended not to be there... But I'm not quite sure on the order.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:59, closed)

It went
Me, then chcb and Enzyme, Madam Marlboro, then al, then you, and everybody else.

I was sat by myself like a right prune for about 15 minutes!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:06, closed)

Ah roight.
I'm guessing you said hi to Enzyme and CHCB rather than the other way round?

I can't believe how shy I was, I popped my head round the corner about 4-5 times before Wanderlust introduced us. :P You should have made the carnations more obvious.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:08, closed)

I was wearing mine in my hair at one point
and tried to insert it into my flies.

It was chcb who approached me, she was going to shout 'SEXMONKEY!' across the bar til Enzyme stopped her.

You shouldn't have turned up so late!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:12, closed)

shouting sexmonkey
would have been amazing!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:13, closed)

Aww, why did Enzyme stop her? That's stupid.
I did arrive earlier, I was there at like 7:05. I just didn't have the guts to approach you so I waited outside talking to the rather irritating security guard who speaks 5 different languages waiting for Wanderlust.

It took me about 15 minutes of his accented ramblings to work out that he was talking about football. I'm such a crap male. :P
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:16, closed)

Football is all of the crap.
Enzyme didn't really stop her, she was tempted to, but I don't think she had the balls.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:17, closed)

Ah right, furry muff.
Next time...

*plans to get there early and have selected a crude name for someone to shout across the bar*
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:21, closed)

Let's go to Soho
and shout 'Gayer!' across a bar.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:22, closed)

@Gayer
I liked that security guard. I was going to ask if I could touch his face, but I thought he'd think I was weird. So I didn't
( wanderlust, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:23, closed)

I'd say I'd happily shout something across the bar
and in theory I would

but I don't really like drawing attention to myself...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:23, closed)

I didn't see the place properly when I first showed up
and thought to myself, 'why the hell is there a doorman at that bakery?'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:23, closed)

don't doubt my balls!
*makes angry retard face*

I'm on the train looking at all the pictures of you guys and touching myself inappropriately (well, scratching my arse).
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:26, closed)

I love that angry retard face.
Don't clean those fingers til the next bash now, I want to lick them.


......what?

EDIT OOOH! OOH! OOHH!! I love the way you say Burt, please record yourself saying it so that I can sex myself listening to you.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:28, closed)

hmmm
*suspicious*
That's not what you said last night. You said I was too much like your auntie Sandra to be sexy. I had to get my magenta cocks elsewhere.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:34, closed)

*wiggles eyebrows*
No, what I said was that I was disappointed because you look like my Auntie Sandra, so I can't find you attractive :C

But I didn't say my Auntie Sandra's not sexy.

*incests*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:37, closed)

Fuck carnations
Squirting flowers FTW!

@bert: But can you do a handstand while clenching a tuppence between your buttocks?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:41, closed)

I can't do handstands
and my complete lack of an arse isn't all that firm, really.

@CHCB I'm now reading all of your posts imagining that lovely Norn Irish accent of yours, it's so cute!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:47, closed)

I'm suprised CHCB has kept her accent
as from what I understand she's been out of Ireland for a while now.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:49, closed)

You can take the girl
out of Norn Ireland, but....
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:50, closed)

But...
You can't sex 15 people in the leg in one night.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:53, closed)

@Gayer
Are you suggesting that it's fake? You think she's putting it on?

Are you accusing her of actually being an upper class WI member called Marjorie who merely masquerades as an internet filth purveyor?

Well I never.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:53, closed)

Uhm...
*bludgeons*
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:56, closed)

I'm not allowed back to the WI
after that wolfbagging incident.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:58, closed)

They're all bastards anyway, CHCB
You're better off without their Battenburgs and their shawls.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:01, closed)

What's the WI?

(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:07, closed)

Women's Institute

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:08, closed)

Ah, never been there.
My nan's become the president of a soroptomist's club, I got confused and thought she said chiropodist :P
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:09, closed)

^^
Is that like a chiropodist?

*ducks*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:11, closed)

I just had to look up what wolfbagging is.
Now I can't stop thinking about pork :(
( wanderlust, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:12, closed)

What do you mean, K2k6?

(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:15, closed)

Bah
Bastard ninja editing. Enzyme's got a lot to answer for.

And I'm not talking about last night, either.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:16, closed)

*Sulks*
I really wanted to come.


Bloody people with illnesses.



Sounds like you had a cracking time...I'm looking forward to the photographs!!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:17, closed)

What are the questions he has to answer?
And what's ninja editing?
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:20, closed)

Hiya chickenlady!
Consider yourself lucky you didn't get tongued by Kaol.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:20, closed)

I wanted to come too
Bloody lengths.

* hugs Chickenlady *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:20, closed)

Ninja Editing
Is editing a comment and not mentioning it's an edit and hoping that you were quick enough so that nobody saw the original content.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:21, closed)

Oh right,
who did that then?
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:22, closed)

*hugs Spakkaman*

*Considers putting tongue out at Bert....*

Thank goodness there's one set for August! I shall forbid my entire family to be ill for the month.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:24, closed)

@ Chickenlady
I wouldn't do that if I were you... With how he was last night you'd risk having it sucked off if it leaves your mouth.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:26, closed)

Eeek!

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:27, closed)

My throat is sore.
If that Kaol's given me oral herpes again I shall be most upset
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:29, closed)

I wouldn't be suprised,
There were quite a few of us there last night and he kissed most of us, I would be suprised if one of us didn't have something.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:31, closed)

Is this where we are today, then?
Morning everyone! *does b3ta from bed*

May I just say that I had a great time last night? I was very scared, but you're all woosome!

Made a good looking bunch, I reckon. Take that, stereotypes!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:39, closed)

.
It looks like Kaol has been ignoring his 'do you not have a penis?' rule.

@chickenlady: There's one in July too.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:46, closed)

@DIT
We're here a bit but mostly on the other thread. To save confusion, I think we should all mosey on over there coz it's got more posts than this one.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:48, closed)