A friend told me ...
that his friend, an animator, had to do an animation of two children jumping up and down on a couch wildly in excitement for an advert.
He was told the children could not jump up and down, as this was seen as dangerous and might influence children to do the same, so he had to change it so the children were merely standing on the couch, whilst wildly flailing their arms and body round in excitement.
(Nibi, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 10:00, Reply)

frankly, it should be
'political correctness starting to have mental issues.'
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 9:09, 3 replies)

Well then, how 'bout this one?
www.blackpeopleloveus.com/

(Yeah, I know it's just a link, but well worth a look, especially at the "Your Letters" section.)

Is that roof high enough... or does it need to be raised?!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sun 25 Nov 2007, 7:43, 6 replies)

Gay misgivings....
(Legless's story reminded me of this)

My friend Jason got engaged to a girl called Trudy, and at the time she was a student house-sharing with a group of lesbians. They were a nice bunch of lad-lasses and good drinking partners so we used to tag along with them to one of the gay clubs in Swansea, mainly for the booze but also because the club had less trouble than anywhere else in the town (too many little hard-on testosterone fueled spotty chav virgins for my liking).

Except one night, Jason and Trudy are in one of the corners "getting acquainted", and this big gay bloke walks up to them and shoves Jason.
"No fucking offense, but if I was in another club with my boyfriend, I'd be abused by others. Fuck off."
Jason's gob dropped a bit, until he caught up with himself.
"This club is for us, not your type." This guy is leaning over Jason, who's sitting down at this moment. A few other gayers have come over for a nose at this too. Jason stands up at this point, and is a few inches taller than the accuser and built like a brick shithouse. He stares down at him and says "Is it me doing the ridiculing? No. Now fuck off before I rip your face off and shove it up your ass." Cue the other viewers walking away carrying on with their business and this PC Gayer remaining a bit scared and avoiding Jason all night.

PS Was drunk in there on the same night, and was sitting at a table drinking a lot of beer. This barman comes up to collect all the empties and says to me "Oh, you know you, you've got lovely hair."
I slowly look up to see a young Curly Watts looking back at me, so I drunkenly start to grab the nearest empty. Jason sees this, legs it over before I do something completely twattish and says "Oih, hands off barman, he's mine." Curly eyes Jason up and down, says "Ohhhhhh" to himself and fucked off back to the bar.

PPS Same club; one of the singers from the group that gave us the legendary "MacDonalds, MacDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut" song was in this club drinking away merrily. Whoop de doo. At the end of the night, a load of us were sharing a taxi back to the student house and he tagged along. As we were waiting for the taxi, this hetro couple leave the club together.
"You see her leaving with him?" says he.
"Aye.."
"I had her about 6 months ago."
"Oh well done, she's quite fit actually."
"Cheers. You see him with her?"
"Aye.."
"I had him 2 months ago."
I turn around to look at him slowly and say "Well that's just fucking greedy, that is. Not happy with having the blokes, you gotta steal the girls from us desperate too, you wanker."
Fucking wannabe celebs, eh? They want it all.

LENGTH GAG? Tis allowed on Sunday according to the Vicar.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 7:37, Reply)

bloody kids today
I fought a war for people like them. And when I got one they call me a paedophile.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 7:28, Reply)

my story of political INcorrectness is better...
So, I work at a certain large American department store. All the employees are these little old ladies who teach during the day and use the money from the department store to pay strippers (probably).

Anyway, yesterday was Black Friday - ie, the day after Thanksgiving, or, the busiest shopping day of the year. I was working at the Dept. store (it sucked), and chatting with some of said little old ladies. They started ranting about horrible customers, culminating in the dropping of this comment:

"If I see ANY TURBANS, I'm walking away. You can take care of the Arabs, Milly."

Really though, working at this store turns even the strictest of liberals into racist hate-mongers. I've learned that Asians always try to trick you into charging less and Hispanics will pay for $5 dollar items with (counterfeit?) hundred dollar bills.

And black people? There are no black people in my state...
(juliajuliajulia, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 4:04, Reply)

Union City Blues - Part Two
During my time in Manchester I was part of the Events Crew at Manchester Uni. This was during the reign of Baron "Jonny" Stack, a true-blue, honest-to-God baron and mad as a box of frogs. (That's got nothing to do with the story but I thought I'd drop it in. I used to asscociated with real lords you fucking peasants).

So this one night I was doing a gig in one of the smaller bars with my then GF, Liz, who was doing the sound when Julie, the Womans Officer rocked up.

"Could you pop down to the Lesbian Disco and have a look at the decks please" Julie asked Liz "One of them has packed in."

"Can't" says Liz "The bands due on in a minute and I'm doing the sound. Ask Legless - he's doing nothing"

So I picked up my toolkit and follows Julie own to the Lesbian Disco. I nodded hi to Janice, the female security officer who was guarding the doors and went into the disco. I must have made about 10 foot into the room when I was jumped by what seemed like the East German Women's Shot-Putting squad and uncerimoniously bundled out of the doors.

"It'S A MAN!! A MAN!!" they were screeching.

Julie jumped in and saved me before they could do any real damage and the most surreal debate took place.

The feminist lesbians were arguing that I shouldn't be allowed in the room as my mere presence would oppress them and were demanding that Liz, the only female techie, come down to the disco and fix their deck. When a delegation went to ask Liz she told them to "Fuck Off" as she was busy with the band and, if they wanted the decks fixed so badly, to let me do it. The feminists really weren't happy with this but grudgingly agreed to let me in on certain conditions.

1:) I must have an escort of two of the sisters who would stand guard over me and make sure I didn't nip off and rape someone.

2) I mustn't, in any circumstances, raise my eyes or look at anyone or anything except the record deck

Now, to this day, I've no idea why I just didn't tell them to go piss up a rope and fix their own fucking deck. Partly it was because I like Julie who, despite being a lesbian, seemed to harbor no ill-will towards me for being a man. And partly becuase I wanted to see exactly how this would play out.

Anyway, I was escorted across the disco, fixed the deck in double quick time (the drive belt had slipped off) and was then practically frog-marched back across the floor and slung out on my ear. Not a word of thanks. ( Julie did come and find me later and bought me a beer and apologised though.)

An odd little adendum to this story though. The Womans Society later passed a motion that said that, in the future, only wimmin technician could operate or repair their equipment. This, effectively meant Liz as she was the only female sound and lighting tech. Liz, on hearing this told them to go fuck themselves as she was really pissed off with the way they'd treated me. So they ended up having to hire external women techs at huge expense every time they wanted to put on a gig.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 3:30, 2 replies)

Union City Blues-Part One.
.
In Manchester, the UMIST Student Union building used to be called the Barnes Wallis building after the inventor of the bouncing bomb and other warlike devices. And this being the PC '80's, certain students decided that it was high time to rename the building to show that they disapproved of such evil war-mongers. So a motion was passed to rename the building. This was where I came in.

By packing the Union with metal heads, punks and other rabble rousers I came within an inch of renaming the Barnes Wallis building to the Bruce Willis building arguing that it would save the union money as we'd only have to change a few letters.

Only lost by a few votes and the PC crowd named it the Nelson Mandela building.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 3:03, 10 replies)

Not sure if this has already been posted but...
But Stewart Lee has a great bit of stand up on this, although the link itself is rather more serious.
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 2:50, 3 replies)

I remembered another
University, fresher's week. I was sat in the canteen with three new friends from my course. Sarah was approached by a "ethnically" garbled, sandalwood smelling type inviting her to come to a gathering. It was obvious from the tone of the invitation that she had been singled out as a recipient for a welcome due to being black. She didn't take too well to this.
"Eer, alright, can I bring my mates?"
"I'm afraid it's a reception to welcome minority students, and there are very limited places..."
"Minority? *Gesturing* She's a Jew, she's a lesbian, and that one's a lesbian Jew! They need the help more than me."

A mind boggled silence fell over the table as we watched the well meaning home counties socialist worker comb her way through the black kids in the canteen inviting them to her gathering.

Sarah insisted she was just trying to score weed.
(lofichic, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 2:47, Reply)

Infuriating PCness
I know a lot of "fair trade" liberalistas. Many are dear dear friends of mine, but they're all very similar. They faint in the presence of Starbucks and McDonalds, despite they're decent employers by all accounts, prefering the services of the "small employer" regardless of if its the local gangster who pays sub minimum wage and sexually assaults his staff, in order to support their local economies. They're "vegetarians" who eat tuna like it's going out of fashion. They make a big point about not shopping at ASDA and Tesco, and tut when you do.

And they all, without exception, snort HORRENDOUS amounts of finest Bolivian cocaine.

I'll negotiate with the gun cartels for access rights, unionisation and employee pension schemes, one of you approach Dragon's Den for funding to begin our Fairtrade Beak and we're rich! I know a steady stream of customers.
(lofichic, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 2:37, Reply)

flu
seems to be doing the rounds at the moment.

"its all those illegal immigrants" was the explanation given to me from the woman at work today.

this isnt PC, but it is mad... a half story.
(bacneman, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 1:57, Reply)

English
This just reminds me, certain plays and novels aren't allowed to be taught at schools until the pupils are at a certain age. I had entirely forgotten about this.

Hamlet, considered one of Shakespeare's best (or, most popular, whatever) tragedies is banned until the ages of 17 in Scottish high schools. As is King Lear. Let us not even touch on Heart of Darkness, by Joseph Conrad.

The former two are banned for the following reasons:

Incestuous themes (hamlet and his mum).
Madness (king lear)

Conrad because he has been interpreted as 'being a racist'.

This is also why T.S. Eliot is taught infrequently in schools, despite being one of the greatest Modernists and innovators of poetry.

Eliot and Conrad are mortgaged on their antiquated social views pertaining to racism, anti-Semitism (isn't that just racism... to Jews?), misogyny and distasteful sexual attitudes.

God Bless PC people. They think that children cannot handle these things before they reach 17? Is that the watershed for innocence these days?
(Schumann makes awesome quiches., Sun 25 Nov 2007, 1:25, 5 replies)

High School
Once, in my Higher Computing class, our normal, african teacher was absent, and so we got a substitute teacher. Now, when I say substitute, I don't mean JUST a substitute for our normal teacher, I also mean she was substituting a large portion of the classroom.

Get it? She was (and I assume still is...) overweight. Not slightly. Not a lot. More like superhypermegaquadrouple overweight. It was like a blob with legs, arms and a head. Honestly, the fact she had the ability to walk suprised me...

But anyway. Next day, african teacher is back. The people I sat next to the previous day were absent when beach ball was taking over (literally) so they asked what we did. I replied that we got a sub. "Who?" one of them asked. "You know..." i said...beginning to do the "big" motion with my hands, outstretching them as far as I could to visually show her size. At that point, african teacher passes by, turns to me and says "Dont say it! I know what you're gonna say!" at which point my arms froze momentarily and, pushing them behind me and thursting my chest forward, somewhat unsuccessfully managed to pass my "fatty" motion as a yawn...

And he bought it!

PS :To all b3tans who thought this was going to be a black joke : SHAME ON YOU.
(LiquidRogue Powerful tiny fists..., Sun 25 Nov 2007, 1:20, 1 reply)

A pub in Soho of my acquiantance
Has a chef, who I'll name as Dean, because that's his name. He's lazy, incompetent, insubordinate and unpleasant. He told the manager that she was "looking really fat today", by means of casual conversation. He's taken six weeks off without notice because of his "studies" and still walked into a job when he came back. Last time I ate there (not knowing he was working in the kitchen - I wouldn't have ordered food if I'd have known he was going to make it) I ordered "ham and eggs" from the menu. The meal arrived without any eggs because he "forgot". When they did turn up the yolks were rock hard and almost white.

The management of the pub have been told by head office at the brewery that they can't fire him because he's a black African and they don't want to face a racial discrimination charge. He's a millstone around their necks and they can't afford to get rid of him, whereas if he'd been white and English he'd have been out on his ear four years ago.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 0:46, Reply)

My mum's a nursery headteacher
...not a headmistress, as I would call her, but that's a different story...

There's a certain group in the area who are trying to promote the advancement of muslims in the educational system. They invited my mum on a course to help avoid discrimination. One of the first things they did was ask everyone to write down six words they thought described themselves - my mum wrote "Mother, Teacher, Woman..." you get the idea. The point they were trying to make was that muslims think of themselves as a "muslim" first, and that everything else is secondary to that. The guy sat next to her (ostenstibly white, dark curly hair, looks kinda Greek) wrote "African" first. The organiser turned around in disbelief and said "African?" The guy replied, "Yeah, my mum was born in Africa, my dad was born in Africa and I was born in Africa. Problem?"

The same group, when it turned out that muslim boys were the highest scoring group in their SATs one year, invited my mum to a celebratory dinner. She refused, on the grounds that to her, all the children in her school are "children", and beyond that any subdivision is irrelevant.

This group is still at large in the West Midlands and most people are terrified of offending them. One of the governers at my mum's school - a muslim woman - said that while she has breath in her body, they will never have any influence over her school.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 0:31, Reply)

Just yesterday.
Playing my favourite time waster, World of warcraft. I got reported to a GM.

Apparently, saying something 'sucks harder than a black hole' is racist now.

honestly...
( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Sat 24 Nov 2007, 23:38, 5 replies)

<enter subject>
i tried going down the council office talking nonsense like "me no speaky english" and "give me money". i got a four bedroom house, a nice big car and a fortnightly giro i can live comfortable off. i shall thank the state by blowing up a bus.
(tugger blah fucking blah, Sat 24 Nov 2007, 23:23, 2 replies)

Disabled Parking
As a motorcyclist I suffered an horrific road traffic accident on a motorway which left me with a badly broken leg (now 65mm short). I actually had to argue my case for a Blue Badge Parking Permit with my GP. I was always sceptical of the PC disabled parking schemes, but when you are physically challenged it becomes a REAL eye opener. The reaction of some assholes when I park is incredible, I now take great delight in deliberately forgetting the badge and limping to my car reagrdless. But it still disgusts me the number of able bodied people using disabled bays, usually because they drive a 4x4, total cunts!
(minky, Sat 24 Nov 2007, 23:10, 5 replies)

And another thing...
Remembered something a bit better than my previous post on this.
I spent two summers working on Camp Spolit Weasel in Pennsylvania as an archery and paintball instructor (free paintball! archery practice all day!).
After two weeks of team building and getting the camp prepared go by, the kids turn up for the summer. Things started to go downhill rapidly. After a few days we realised we were in fact worthless foreign slave labour. It wasn't long before we started to get the jibes about being foreign, then about not being in their tightly-knit (and massively inbred) social circle, then finally, because we weren't Jewish.
A good chum of mine (RIP) was of German decent and let it slip once during a chat. Word got round and he was known as 'The Paintball Nazi' from then on.
Now as it happens, I have quite a steady hand and neat writing, so I used to make t-shirts for the kids with names and numbers on as well a few for the adults. Lots of jokey stuff (including one shirt for a really fat kid and the number I gave him was 3.14159265...), but after all the hassle and harrassment we recieved it was all I could do not to make up a request from The Paintball Nazi.
"I want a shirt."
"OK, what do you want on it?"
"'The problem with this camp is...' on the front."
"OK, and on the back?"
"'There's not enough concentration'."
I felt for him, I really did, but as over half the kids on the camp had grandparents who had been Auschwitz, I thought it might be a bit off...

Inexplicably, I went back the next summer and met a girl who's now my wife.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sat 24 Nov 2007, 22:54, 1 reply)

Rosa Parks would be turning in her grave...
I live in Chicago, a city it would be fair to say is ethnically diverse. Specifically, I live on the Southside of Chicago, which is a predominantly black area. What I really like about this is the fact that Bird's custard powder and Heinz tomato soup can be found in the ethnic foods aisle of my local supermarket! Never has being a pasty Brit made me feel so exotic...

A friend and I caught the bus back from the El station (the Chicago equivalent of the tube) fairly late one night and as we boarded the bus, took the remaining two seats at the back. There were maybe 30 people on the bus, and about a third of us were white. By some quirk of coincidence, all the white people on the bus were sat at the back together. This offended a black guy's sense of integration and he came storming up the bus to bawl us out for segregating ourselves as we didn't want to mix with the blacks. He was a bit unhinged and getting sweary and aggressive, so I slunk further and further down into my seat and avoided all eye contact.

Eventually salvation came in the shape of a tiny little black lady who must have been 70 if she was a day. She got up, prodded him with her walking stick and ordered him to...

"Sit back down and stop making all that noise boy, it's black folks like you that mean the white folks still think we're stupid..."

She got a round of applause from the whole bus.

See, I'm so PC, I let an old woman fight my battles for me. No age discrimination here...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Sat 24 Nov 2007, 22:52, 7 replies)

Naming names and naughty body parts.....
Aberdeen Uni 1977: a cafeteria full of bored students half listening to a political hustings imposed on their ham and cheese toastie lunch in the name of "student democracy". One after another, future leaders of this country (some actually did run our lives later) went up and made boring, worthy speeches.

Not Neil though - a member of the Trotskite Socialist Workers Student Society - he went up immediately after a smart if reactionary guy (and a future well placed Tory) called Peter Young. Neil went up and announced:

"Peter Young is a CUNT".

Neil hardly got back to his seat before he was engulfed by a lot of ill fitting dungarees, doc martins and bad hairdoos. The Women's Voice caucus had got him.

It was a chastened Neil who returned for the follow up question a few minutes later. Clearly the hectoring he had received from his female comrades had had an effect.

He went back up to the microphone and standing still for a few moments (looking I remember well like a slightly dummer version of Sid Vicious about to shoot his audience after singing "My Way") before apologising:

"I was told I had to come back up and say I was sorry for calling Peter Young a CUNT. I'm sorry for saying that...."

"... after all a cunt's a nice thing."


I don't remember ever seeing Neil ever again after that. I do remember the scrum as the various furious women fought each other to get to him first. Perhaps the feminites buried his body at a crossroads somewhere with a sharpened speculum pierced through his heart.
(beaverwastemanagement a real company. I want to work for them!, Sat 24 Nov 2007, 22:29, Reply)

First post, please be gentle...
I was studying Information Sciences at was then called the University of North London. We were in the middle of a class explaining the cultural biases of the Dewey decimal system (staying awake was the requisite for passing). In a class that was approximately 80% black the lecturer told us all that black people preferred to be called 'people of colour'. You can imagine the farce that ensued when the aforementioned 80% of the class told him that actually they preferred being called black and the lecturer decided to argue his point.

EDIT: (as length seems important round here)
We didn't get to go to the student bar in time for happy hour
(frak back from the land down under, Sat 24 Nov 2007, 21:33, Reply)

PC..
I work for an American company and suffice to say they take PC seriously. We have courses on how to behave, ethics, financial goody goodyness, ethnic acceptability etc etc. My favourite line was, "When you see someone who is new to the company for the first time, do not look at how they look". Now... call me thick... but... how do you look at someone without looking at them? Were we supposed to guess how they looked?
The saddest thing is the idea of having to have specific numbers of certain ethnic groups hired per percentage applicants. This is shocking to me because it means we are hiring people based on how they look rather then their ability to do a job. That in itself is racist; we may not be able to hire someone from the prevailing ethnic background regardless of their ability over the other candidates.
The only thing I'll add is: Racism is a true evil in any form, whether it's against a minority or a majority. Ability counts. colour does not.
(DustyD, Sat 24 Nov 2007, 21:12, Reply)

PC?
PC? Pah! I've got a Mac

/leaves by the drainpipe


I've missed you all :-)

.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Sat 24 Nov 2007, 19:57, 1 reply)

How has PC affected me?
well, when i got my first PC it wasn't a big deal, but when they bought out that internet thing i thought, "this could change lives!"

well since you all want to have a rant, i'll try and keep a cheerful tone to this QOTW
(Squid83, Sat 24 Nov 2007, 19:34, Reply)