Sneezing with Chickens
Once when I was meant to be reforming my indestructible chewing gum, I thought it would be an economic idea to blow towards my false chicken. I had been doing this since my father painlessly constructed an olive when I was 4. It was a blood-curdling habit, but I allmightily kept on doing it. maybe - just maybe - it might shed light on why I always liked to tickle chickens.

It was then that my best friend Johnny "two earthquakes" Winchester called.

"Fancy going for a greedy pint at the Professor's Pencil?" he said.

I felt a bit embarrassed telling him about the chicken, so I made up an excuse:

"I'm sorry, but I'm currently up to my neck in slime bouncing some unsecured fungus"

"Oh well. suit yourself you bankrupt sneezer! It's Orally Infamous Night at the pub"

That did it. How could I possibly resist the ambiguous allure of Orally Infamous Night?

"Oh very well then. In for a conference, out for a chameleon..."

So off I went to the Professor's Pencil. Johnny was already oscillating with much baroque-ness.

"Hey, check her out" he said to me. "I bet she can transform with the best of them!"

"Your bloody-ridiculous totty-radar never ceases to barely amaze me."

"Go on. Talk to her." he said as he nudged me where my pacifier used to be.

I banally plucked up the courage to mentally leap the mustard of doom and approach her.

"Hey, I like your assembled transistor. It reminds me of my mother's doctor"

"Oh cool! I thought it resembled a doctor too."

Our eyes met. One thing badly lead to another, and before I knew it, I was in her non-existent bed.

"Oh tease me with that love-archaeologist you quintessential sausage" she said in a pope-like voice.

My archaeologist was by now the biggest archaeologist in the universe. I placed it far from her quivering walkman.

"Put it across me, oh you of the ancient chessboard!".

And so, I put it across her, but it was too much! Without warning, it happened. I came like a an alien with a multicoloured maths-teacher. I had enjoyed myself very much!

"Roast the quiet watermelon - for I have tippexed the whale!"

It was obvious she was disappointed.

"You surgeon-less pinhead" she sighed. "I was hoping you'd praise my sticky boys, but now, I'm left feeling like a barbecue. surely, setting my bum on fire would have been more entertaining. Now, how religious is that?"

And so, a fantastic silence fell over them. but at least it was a critical way of putting off reforming some chewing gum.


Length? Gradually dissected.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 23:14, 18 replies)

what. the. FUCK????

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 23:59, closed)

Oh good, Im not the only one
I thought I was being thick not understanding what the fuck was going on.


You sir, are clearly a nutter.
(i should have joined myspace, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 0:05, closed)

it is strangely intriguing
but it's messing with my head
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 14:06, closed)

I must be tired.....
...or not a proper b3tan

cos that just didnt make sense
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 1:37, closed)

@Mistaspakkaman.
I told you not to experiment with drugs.

*shakes head*
( girlinthehole, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 8:09, closed)

Are
You Chris Morris?
(Starvis something for the weekend sir?, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 8:54, closed)

I'm still slightly stoned from yesterday
And that made perfect sense to me.
( rofl harris, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 9:44, closed)

clicked...
primarily for "tippexed the whale" - which actually seems to work as a metaphor, although only for fat chicks.
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 10:02, closed)

hahahaha
what?
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 11:32, closed)

...
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 12:13, closed)

Have a click
and a little of the roast weasel, if you'd be so kind.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 12:38, closed)

cough, julia!
over the bender!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 14:05, closed)

Spygames
Admit it, there's a secret MI5 message in here somewhere or something, right? Right?!

If not, I'm scared of you.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 13:20, closed)

Yay!
It's like Consequences!
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 20:26, closed)

Close
It's more like Madlibs and Exquisite corpse. Still, you win half an Internet for guessing Consequences.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 2:27, closed)

de-RIS
In case you're still wondering what the flying duck my post was all about, it's actually computer generated. Using a template (which was partially inspired by this post) with several words removed, I got my computer to fill them in with random words. Using the best bits of about 15 runs, I compiled together this story.

I find that exposing myself to randomly generated juxtapositions does train my mind to either grab insights out of nowhere, cultivate a fertile imagination, or to at least enjoy an appreciation for the bizarre.

Even in the age when we've been exposed to several websites of bizarre humour that bypass what the mainstream media want us to hear, many still find this post too strange for them. Imagine seeing something like this back in the early 90's over and over again (this does partially explain why I'm the way I am)!

PS. My real procrastination story is that I never got round to doing a PC conversion of this program - it only runs on 80's-era hardware and I had to use an emulator to get it to work.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 2:24, closed)

I like it for its undying obscurity
but... is it relevant?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 8:38, closed)

.
It's about putting off reforming some chewing-gum, which is procrastination, so it's relevant.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 8:40, closed)