Fluffed operations and incontinence nappies.
Apologies for the lack of hummus in advance. Also, be warned, there is some fairly unpleasant penile jiggery pokery.

Two years ago or so I had to go in to hospital for an operation on my ear. It should have been a relatively simple procedure taking about an hour in theatre and, if all went well I was told I would be home the same evening.

The operation didn’t go quite according to plan and I spent 3 hours in the theatre, during which time the anaesthetist managed to stop watching me long enough that both my lungs collapsed, filled with fluid and I went into mild cardiac arrest.

Anyhow, to remove the fluid from my lungs they gave me a massive diuretic and inserted a whopping 7.3mm catheter into little Mr Anthropos. Luckily I was too out of it to notice the discomfort of the catheter going in (chaps will wince when they check on a ruler how wide 7.3mm is in comparison to the oriental gentleman’s eye). I was transferred into intensive care and given loads of morphine which was quite a pleasant counterpoint to having a massive tube rammed down your cock.

Fast forward a couple of days and they want to take the catheter out, great I thought as I had been confined to bed until this point. The catheter was removed by a (rather attractive) nurse and all was well again. Until about half an hour later.

Having such a large catheter in for a couple of days stretches all the gentlemanly tubing and the muscles that close the bladder stop working properly. So as soon as piss arrived in my bladder, it stayed there for all of about 3 nanoseconds before it exited my cock by which point resembled the channel tunnel.

I rather sheepishly pointed this out to the (rather attractive) nurse who had to wash me down and fetched an incontinence nappy for me.

I felt utterly humiliated, sat in a nappy surrounded by sick, dying people with a leaky cock. So there we have it, I pissed the bed, had to have a hot nurse wipe me down and wear a nappy.

At least I know what it will be like to be old and living in a nursing home.

Length? I had to wear the nappy for about 3 days.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 22:50, 3 replies)

Ummmmm.... "mild cardiac arrest"?
(Mary Mandolin still had it on, Sat 14 Mar 2009, 12:43, closed)

Not sure of the correct terminology,
The doctors told me afterwards that due to the lack of oxygen my heart had been beating so fast it started to fibrilate, but had not stopped altogether. Not sure what that is called!
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Sat 14 Mar 2009, 17:39, closed)

.
Ah! It's just called fibrillation. Either atrial or ventricular. I guess if it was VF that could count as cardiac arrest (although I don't know if I would call it mild!)
(Mary Mandolin still had it on, Sat 14 Mar 2009, 19:22, closed)