anal incident
When I was a ponce doing "new media" in that London I developed a bad cocaine habit. I was missing work regularly- at least one day every couple of weeks- and I was rapidly running out of plausible excuses.

After one midweek night of making a beast of myself I found it was 9am and I hadn't slept. There was no way I was going to work.

I rang my boss before I had fully formulated my excuse. He picked up the 'phone and here's what I said:

"sorry, I have to go to hospital. I've got a blockage in my colon and I need to have an enema".

I went in the next day and they sacked me.

Fair enough really.

I still do the occasional line, but I've given up new media. It's for cunts.
( MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer, Thu 29 May 2014, 23:40, 6 replies)

Nathan Barley

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 30 May 2014, 9:38, closed)

Yeah, well plastic.

(Master_Slob UK minister for cultural appropriation., Fri 30 May 2014, 15:58, closed)

Rob Manuel

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 May 2014, 11:46, closed)

yeah, well spastic

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 30 May 2014, 16:13, closed)

You're not supposed to make me laugh shambles.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 30 May 2014, 16:38, closed)

To be fair, that's a shitty excuse.
Literally
(Richy_T hundreds if not thousands of dollars, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 23:30, closed)