I fought Oxford University, and the law won.
Some years ago I took Oxford University to the small claims court for removing and destroying some of my property. The case was heard in front of a District Judge in Oxford, and two of the witnesses were the staff who had done the removal and destruction.

The judge heard their evidence, asked questions and then said "Well, I don't think there is anything else we need to ask you. You can go."

As the door closed behind them he said "There is no evidence that the item they destroyed was yours. That could be cleared up if we asked them about it, but they have left now. Case dismissed."

I suppose the chances of anyone beating Oxford University in court were always going to be slim (the number of lies they told and threats they made about potential costs beforehand were remarkable too) but I took some comfort that the staff costs for the four witnesses they had to produce, and their preparation costs, must have far exceeded the amount I was claiming for them.

It was still a complete and utter stitch up, though.
(ubergeekian, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 16:53, 8 replies)

Agency
I was working with this agency that will remain nameless, but essentially they were a cross between events organisers and HR. They'd just lost their events manager and a friend of mine had just been made redundant in the same line of work. I asked if I could put her forward and they told me that if she worked out, I'd be looking at a £500 finder's fee. So she went for an interview, she got the job and three months later she'd passed her probationary period. I called up the company to arrange collection of my fee. Turns out the person I'd been dealing with had left, and hadn't made any notes on the file about me at all. So I got in touch with her and asked very nicely if she wouldn't mind calling them up and reminding them about our arrangement. She denied all knowledge of the finder's fee, despite the fact that she was the one who told me I'd be "rolling in it". To make matters worse, word got back to my friend who'd now been working there three months and she was made to feel very unwelcome - she left a month later.

So, essentially, personnel agencies are fucking cunts.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 16:35, 2 replies)

A few years ago...
A few years ago with the onset of the recession I was forced, or rather took the opportunity to take some consultancy work.

Now what I do is rather industry specific so I wont go into details with regards to the exact sector, but the clients I took on weren't exactly 'legit'. They were the most scary, tattooed faced, platinum teethed, carry this wadge of cash, different car every day, the scar on my face is from a stab type people you will never like to meet.

I was set to procure several different items, (I really wish I could go into specifics) (this was all above board) I did so, waiting for an order, several suppliers after initial orders to this day wont speak to me.

I may have been stupid, I may have been naive, but in total I was running around like a tool for 18 months, doing this doing that, running up courier costs, phone costs, every other expense you can imagine, all the while only getting a few quid here and there.

I pulled in a few shipments, I made a shockingly little amount of money. But then I was taken to court, for failure to pay something that one of my 'clients' should have paid. I fought the orders, and had them set aside, however they still sit on my record.

I was a mug to think I could make a buck out of the deals, dealing with properly nasty horrible people, who will be your best friend one minute, but put you in the back of a car and dump you in a wood the next. I cant say how much I am down, its lots, a decent car, there will be no way I can recuperate any of the monies. No way I can ever set aside the writ without a proper lawyer.

So if ever, when you're struggling, and something seems to come for nothing, then as the old adage says, well I dont know what the old adage says, but don't struggle for empty promises.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 16:30, 7 replies)

Used to do extermination work
and was asked to clear out this massive old house of lizards. I do this and turn up for payment, then this odd looking fuck loitering there says "I'm sorry, but your Princess is in another castle." Conning cunt.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 15:55, 3 replies)

I voted Lib Dem
That is all
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 15:54, 5 replies)

I ordered a Cotton Rich Non-Iron Herringbone Stripe Shirt from M&S last week
The product can be viewed here:

www.marksandspencer.com/Cotton-Non-Iron-Herringbone-Stripe-Shirt/dp/B004BQKIRE?_encoding=UTF8&mnSBrand=core

It arrived several days before it was due which was a pleasant surprise. Upon opening the package however I was dismayed to discover that the shirt had a breast pocket which I don't like. There was absolutely no mentione of this in the product description nor visible in the product photo. Outraged, I immediately returned the product and registered an online complaint.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 15:53, 2 replies)

Abuse of trust
~~~~~~~wavey damn lines~~~~~~~

i'd just started at uni. i didn't knwo anyone, and was in a house full of people i had NOTHING in common with.
Through mountain bike riding (trials, to be precise) i'd met a bunch of people, including one dude i got on reallty well with. very, VERY talented rider, good for a laugh etc. we hung out a lot, went out on the pull together, generally very mate-y.
It came to pass that i was leaving uni, disillusioned, and looking to move to reading (knew some people there, new start etc etc)
This guy, we'll call him Dan, because while that's how i knew him, turns out that's NOT his name- was also looking to get out of where he lived.
we had simlar interests, music tastes etc, both bike mechanics, both looking to move, so we decided we'd try and get a 2-bed placein reading.
he crashed round at mine a few times, then told me he was having trouble- a mate had stayed on his floor in his place, and had basically turfed him out, invited a crack dealer round who was using his flat to deal, threatened him and his family with bad things if he argued (he had his own bedsit- council deal-he'd had some trouble with his 'rents and been kicked out- this should have rung alarm bells but i was naive and trusting)- he needed to get his stuff back.

Foolishly, i went round, faced up to this dude i the only way i kno0w how- passive but firm, just walked in, started bagging stuff up, answered his 'what you doin bruv' with a cheery 'just getting dan's bag for him, be out in a sec' and left with his holdall and his cd's.

so Dan stays at mine for a few days, during whcih time i lent him some cash for a train ticket for a job interview, fed him, etc.. we were supposed to be moving in to a flat in the next couple of weeks.

then i lost my bank card.

then i noticed a cheque for £100 written out to cash. i didn't even know where my chequebook WAS. and unsurprisingly couldn't find it.
same day someone withdrew ANOTHER £100 cheque for cash and £300 from a cashpoint.

by this time, i KNEW it was him. i called him, said i was coming home, asked if he'd be about- casual as you like, because i didn't want to spook him.
he said he would be back late and had left the keys with my housemate.


when i got home, half my clothes, my cd collection,and my discman were gone. so were a few of my bike tools.
i lost my shit, trashed my room (well done me!)- in hindsight, i'm grateful he wasn't there for me to confront, as i don't know what i would have done- used to be a right angry idiot i did, thankfully i have a lid on it now. once i'd calmed enough to hold a phone, i called the police. Ffwd two months, they recovered some of my clothes, splattered in paint from his job, a few scratched cd's.. the bank refused to refund a penny as i'd 'allowed him to have access to my bank details' they also refused to provide the police cctv footage of him cashing the cheques as the cctv in that branch 'doesn't work' and eventually, it took SO long to get anything done i gave up and moved on.

about nine years later, i walked in to a bike shop i'd been working in and bingo- there he was, behind the counter.
i'd often played it in my head what i'd do to him if i caught him, but i looked at him, saw what a scrawny, balding, pathetic fucking shit he was, and knowing the shop (and the manager), I knew he was on minimum wage and all the bullshit he could handle.. i just waited till i knew he'd recognised me, watched him standign there clearly shitting himself said 'hello dan. you know i used to work here? good mates with the manager. well.. i'll be seeing you around, eh? ' and walked out.
my life's fine, you know? i don't need to fuck it up to go caveman on some fucking oxygen thief and get locked up. he's gotta live every day as a worthless bag of shit, and i'm proud of myself for gaining the self-control not to do so.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 15:51, 7 replies)

Bring back Janet please.

(Legless is a prick., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 15:31, 12 replies)

A lot of people are being screwed by The B3ta Man
This place has been bought by B&Q, mentioning of SHEDS is verboten.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 14:47, 9 replies)

Every day you exist in the patriarchal hegemony, man, you're being screwed and perpetuating The System.
WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 14:41, 7 replies)

4 years in hell
Back in 2008 - I was working for one of the biggest design agencies in the south.
I had been there for 4 years and I still consider it to be one of the greatest jobs I ever had. I made friends for life, and was given plenty of opportunities to further my skills - it was awesome.

Then the recession hit and our 36 strong studio was hit with redundancies. 16 of us were left by the time all was said and done.

Thankfully, I was one of the lucky few that remained, though the studio was never quite the same afterwards. Everyone felt guilty that they had been spared - and several others took every opportunity to tread on other people to make sure their job was 'secure' should a second wave of redundancies hit.

It was during the summer that I decided that I had to move on. I contacted my previous employer to re-establish contact, and within a month, I was offered a job.
Now I must add at this point, that I had left my previous employer after 2 years service because I didn't really like the boss, and the company was a little to 'tin pot' for my career aspirations - but this was the recession and I couldn't afford to be picky.

Interestingly enough though, my old boss proceeded to tell me that the company had merged with a large IT firm, and was really going places.

The day of the interview came along - and to my surprise, that statement was not complete bollocks - I walked into a nice big shiny office full of awesome furniture and felt a real buzz. I was also able to negotiate a modest increase in salary - Result I thought. The conditions of this were that I would have to successfully complete a 3 month probationary period on a lower salary where upon it's completion the agreed salary would come into effect.

No problem I thought.

I asked for this in writing which they proceeded to get typed up on the spot. However, when they handed it to me - there was no mention of the final salary after 3 months.

I asked if they could rectify this and was told that they were sorry, and that they would get a full contract out to me in the post with the correct details. I was satisfied enough with this to hand in my notice with the current employer. I work my months notice, and left with my head held high.

The 3 month period flew by in no time - however several times over that 3 month period I mentioned that I still had not received updated paperwork only to be fobbed off and told not to worry

On the last friday of the month my immediate manager (my old boss) calls me into the conference room to discuss how the probation went. To say I passed with flying colours would be an understatement - he was thrilled with my work, and was really impressed by how much I had improved over the last 4 years.

I was over the moon.

He then pulls out a full contract and asks me to sign it - I took my time and read it carefully, only to find that the promised final salary was not present. I questioned as to why this was the case only to have this said to me:

"mmmmmmmm, yeah - turns out we can't really afford to give that to you",
"but I've been asking about this for 3 months?? why are you telling me this now?",
"I'm sorry, maybe I could have a word with "mrP"
"you do that, this is totally unacceptable….."

I heard nothing for a week and by this time I was getting noticeably angry and frustrated - so much so that I went over my managers head, and went straight to the managing director.

MD "don't worry, we'll have a meeting about this tomorrow and get everything straightened out"

--------

Sure enough, good to his word, I was called aside the following day and sat opposite my manager and the managing director.

MD to my manager "right then, so what's his work been like over the last 3 months?"
My manager "very poor. I'm not impressed at all"

My jaw hits the floor - this from the man who only a week ago was singing my praises.

Me: "hang on!!!! thats not what you were saying last week when you tried to get me to sign the contract after passing the probation…."

MD: "I don't like this attitude"

Me: "well I'm sorry, but you have messed me around - I left a job of 4 years to come here… I feel totally let down"

MD: "Well, what are you going to do about it?"

Silence ensues, I realise at this point I have been well and truly shafted. There was no way I was going to see justice done that day.
I like many other people had bills and rent to pay and was left totally stranded with this bullshit company slap bang in the middle of recession.

Me: "Well you haven't left me much choice - I guess i'll just crack on…."

--------

It took 3 years for me to improve the salary and now another year later I take great pleasure in the fact that I have found a better job, and will be leaving this place right in the middle of a massive project - stitching them up.

Moral of the story - always get offers in writing before taking the plunge. And if possible, try to remember why you left a previous work place the first time round.
(Oobla, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 14:35, 6 replies)

I used to be in a jazz band called 'The Banned'
A theatre manager stiffed us on our fee for a christmas concert a few years ago.

We were playing a jazz medley of Christmas carols while in fancy dress. Our drummer had gotten rather excited in the costume department, and insisted on wearing a full size padded Frosty the Snowman costume, complete with giant head.

While playing the stage got very hot. The heating was on full blast, and all the stage lights were on. Halfway through the medley the drummer got dizzy with the heat and stopped playing, resting his head in his hands. The kids in the audience watched, intent, as Frosty decided to get off stage. He wobbled his way out of the kit, wove through the rest of the band, and then lost his direction and staggered stage front.

"Ohhhhhh dammmnnnn..." he said slowly, the sound muffled through the thick costume. We kept playing. Perhaps we could write this one off as an interpretative dance.

Frosty staggered stage left, and then reeled back from the curtain and, finally, fainted. Two hundred kiddies screamed as the snowman collapsed, and his head fell off and rolled... slowly... slowly... into the middle of the stage, where its cold dead coal eyes stared at them accusingly....

...but apart from that, it was a great gig. I don't see why he refused to pay us...
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 14:32, Reply)

nth!
Have to think of a pun for this now.

Fuck it. Can't be arsed.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 14:28, Reply)

I went out for a couple of quiet drinks with my friends
and when I woke up the next morning I found that my complete shit of a husband had put spunk in my hair.
(spanishfly 2, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 14:15, 11 replies)

FIRST!
That time when QOTW got closed and /talk was overrun by bellends.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 14:09, 2 replies)

I was once on the dole.
Pretty much it.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 14:09, 2 replies)

I once bought a shed from popular DIY retailers B&Q, but there was a screw missing
and when I called their helpline very inefficient woman called me a cunthorse :(
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 14:07, 4 replies)

Exaggerated supermodeldroidmassivedrugscdcpooshed story to follow..
(bangthedrum, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 13:56, Reply)

6th

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 13:55, Reply)

five
5th! This is my all time personal best! This one time, b3ta took qotw away from me and made my gayshift unbearable..
Cheers amigos!
(bangthedrum, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 13:53, 1 reply)

Someone deleted a thread that I'd posted some well LOL things in and everything,
Then they ignored me but then I ignored them back and I had to log out and then I could see it and it was really unfair so I cried.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 13:53, Reply)

I once made a flash animation for a record company that was taken down by the same company for copyright infringement
Back in the early days of B3ta flash videos were the hip thing. It was mainly because limited bandwidth meant video didn't work that great and a flash item would play properly, being say 500k.

So there was this brief golden age where record companies would actually pay hard cash to people like me to cut out some jpegs and make them wobble in time to the beat. Madness. Glorious madness.

A major record company got in touch and invited me to their offices where a very pleasant (but not very young) woman in a leather jacket played me a rap record. She tapped her fingers to the beat whilst I attempted to look enthusiastic about what to me sounded like utter drivel. Someone moaning about people on Pop Idol being a bit rubbish. As a satirical target it felt weak. I know they are rubbish - so I don't watch the show and really fail to care.

"Brilliant" I said, "I'll make a flash video. £5k you say?' Blimey. £5k for some old tosh. That'll mean I won't actually have to look for a job for a month or two and still be able to fiddle about running B3ta.

A week or so later I'm having a panic about what they want - most of the stuff I've done that's been popular consisted of things like satanic kittens exhorting people to kill themselves - I can't really see how to make this work, so phone up my friend Dave to help out. We bash some stuff together and I return to the office.

"Hmm", she says, "I've looked at B3ta and you're pulling your punches."

"Oh you want dancing cocks and Will Young being buggered by Simon Cowell then?"

"Exactly."

Two weeks later I return. It opens with Will Young being buggered. There's dancing cocks AND a really embarrassingly weak scene of S Club 7 being flushed down the loo.

They called the whole office to watch. 30 people stood around. They gave me not just polite applause but whoops and cheering. "This is exactly it. You've nailed it Rob."

Then a phone call. "Rob, the legal department can't clear this. However we still want it to go out, so if you can stick it out via B3ta that would be great."

OK I think. Haven't really got much choice as I was still waiting to be paid. So out it went. I forgot about it until two weeks later when I got a letter from their legal department saying I was infringing their copyright and I must take it down ASAP else the threat of proper legal action.

I phone the lawyers. I tell them I had specific instructions to stick this out from their company. "No you didn't", they reply, "We've spoken to the department. They told you not to." What? But they did!

So I phone the people who commissioned me. They were very very cagey. The best I could understand it was that the legal department said no, they went round them, then didn't fess up to the legals and blamed me.

Ho hum. I'm not bitter. I got paid but I don't think I've ever had such an extreme contrast of reactions from a client in the space of a couple of weeks for the same item of work. To be cheered (almost carried aloft in the office) to nearly being sued. Hooray for the mentalness of the record industry circa 2003 as they struggled to deal with the internet I guess.
( rob, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 13:51, 22 replies)

2nd - (two jobs)
As a young uni student I once managed to have two fast food outlets offer me a job on the same day. I decided to do the leftie thing, and told the chicken outlet that they could "shove their stinkin' chooks up where the sun don't shine". About a minute later, I got a phone call to my home number and was given a bollocking. I almost shat myself and meekishly apologised.

So, not so successful at taking it to the man. :(

PS. Good to get my QOTW fix back. I missed you.
(justin(e), Fri 3 Aug 2012, 13:48, Reply)

I AM The Man.
:D
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 3 Aug 2012, 13:48, 5 replies)