The chocolate highway
My ex used to have quite an open mind and introduced me to the joys of sex toys amongst other things.
Like many couples we started with the old rampant rabbit, a stalwart in the jiggly pokery department.
After a while our rabbit ran out of steam and would not come back to life. New batteries were tried, casing taken apart, all to no avail.
Now, being a bit short of money, we couldn't go out and buy a new device so we did what any other sane couple would do, we improvised.
Vegetables came first, cucumbers, carrots, courgettes (if these are from the garden they need a good wash first or the hairs can irritate). A bottle of champagne was tried (remove the foil completely or your lady friend won't be too happy).
We would wake up in the morning with our bed surrounded by all manner of objects.
One day, and I still don't remember how the idea formed, a king size mars bar was cracked out. Maybe we thought if a finger of fudge is just enough then a king size confectionary delight would be brilliant. We were wrong. Everything started off well, but chocolate, hot hands and a willing hole do not go together well. First the outer casing of chocolate starts to melt and the whole thing gets difficult to hold. Then the thing loses structural integrity, rendering the whole exercise a little pointless. And finally, you end up covered in chocolate making it look like your cock, her fanny and the bed have been pebble dashed after a night on the sauce.
Even after washing, the bed sheets retained a suspicious stain and getting chocolate out of pubes and inner crevices does not increase the libido.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Wed 23 May 2012, 9:23, 3 replies)

Ha ha
I have this mental image of you in mid-sex shouting 'it's losing structural integrity', preferably in a Scotty from Star Trek accent.
(Smale is stuffed, Wed 23 May 2012, 10:21, closed)

^
she cannae tek it any more, cap'n!
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 23 May 2012, 11:08, closed)

Reminds me
of this old classic.
(oball needs Satan more than he needs me, Wed 23 May 2012, 10:31, closed)