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Godwin's Lawyer tells us: "I once worked with a lad who believed 'Frankenstein' was based on a true story, and that the book was written by Shirley Bassey." Tell us about your workplace dopes.

(, Thu 3 Mar 2011, 15:34)
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Thick and slightly racist
I know there will be a lot of IT related posts, but I still feel the need to share.

A woman I worked with in my last job was, without a doubt, the most useless person I've ever worked with, especially when it came to anything IT-related.

A couple of times a day, I had to show her how to print from Word "click on the icon that looks like a printer. no, left click. Click with your left mouse button. Look at your mouse, there's two buttons, press the left one. No on the icon that looks like a printer. No, not that one, THAT one! Now left click on OK. No, LEFT click..."

We had to password protect all our documents, because she couldn't grasp the difference between copy and paste and cut and paste. Or why she shouldn't save a document she had cut massive chunks out of.

One of our systems was designed to be used on touch screens, she never could work out why she couldn't use the touch screen functionality on her ordinary, non-touch screen monitor.

She couldn't work out emails. At all. She would reply half a doxen times to each email she got. Normally with blank emails, because she would click reply, then send - reasoning that she wanted to send a reply. When the email "disappeared, she would do it again.

She regularly had problems when she "ran out of mousemat" and couldn't get to the edge of the screen with her pointer.

A couple of times a day, she would panic about what she was doing and switch her PC off by holding down the power button. Then moan when she had lost what she was working on.

We were given encrypted pen-drives. She taped a post-it note to hers with her password written on it, preceded by "password:"

And her job? IT Trainer.

Her non-IT stupidity included: believing the binmen only work one day a week, since her bins were only collected on a Monday, claiming to be vegetarian but eating chicken and bacon, because they "don't count" and referring to a colleague as "coloured", despite me pointing out that the correct term would be "black" - her response was "black is a colour, isn't it?"

When I started there, she asked me where I was from, when I said "Liverpool", she said "you don't sound much like Cheryl Cole!"
(, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 11:29, closed)

My boss called me to "Infer" that my putting an extra email account on his iProne (I had never seen one before) had resulted in him losing all his sent mail!
Feeling a bit nihilistic I suggested that my two second search on Google had provided me with a solution to where he should look for his sent mail! and suggested perhaps moving to a less "challenging" device might help him!
(, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 12:28, closed)
I thought bin men only worked one day a week...
... until I was about seven. And asked someone.

As for the IT-related incompetence, was this recent?
I remember about 10-12 years ago a colleague telling me about a trainee trying to use the mouse by holding it up to the screen when told to "move the cursor upwards".
I thought such fuckwittery had long since been overcome by familiarity with PCs in all walks of life. In fact, my six-year old daughter who has learning difficulties, has grasped the concept of mice & cursors.
(, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 21:39, closed)
Not so sharp
I had an electric pencil sharpener next to my CPU, and when asked what it was told my colleagues it was a pencil drive, and you could store your files on a pencil. They believed it!
(, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 5:43, closed)

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