I'm not a violent guy; I don't look for trouble, but sometimes my temper gets the better of me.
I'd had a hard day at work - I work for a charity and I'd had to cope with a blood-sucking son-in-law trying to rinse his newly-deceased aunt's estate for all they had, and I'd had to put him straight and have him sent down. It's always an ugly business getting involved in family affairs, but justice needs to be done, and - sometimes more importantly - needs to be SEEN to be being done.

So wearily I got onto the train home, after having walked through the drizzle of a grey London evening, to go to the taikwondo class that I teach (triple-dan black belt for those interested). Sitting on the train was a young girl - about 10 or 12, singing along quietly to her iPod. I was only going a couple of stops so didn't need to sit down

Some fuck-haired twat with a media degree gets on after me, and sits opposite the little girl.

"Excuse me" he says to the girl aggressively, "Could you turn off your fucking singing?".

That was his first mistake.

As I said, I'm not a violent guy - but sometimes my temper gets the better of me.

I strode over to him, put my face right up in his, and said quietly "What did you say to her?"

"I asked her to turn her music down" he said, whimpering. I also noticed a growing wet patch where he was starting to wet himself.

I couldn't have that. I couldn't have some prissy little media whore tell an innocent little girl to stop singing. Little girls singing is one of life's free moments of beauty, and I was damned if I'd let this twat take such away from the world, and then whimper to me like a little bitch.

I fly-kicked him in the face, smashing his nose, then did a cobra-strike to his throat, making him choke. I grabbed him by the hair, and smashed his stupid face repeatedly into his own knees, over, and over, and over, and over, and over. At first he was trying to scream through his broken teeth, but by the time I'd finished with him his face was just a bloody mess, and he flopped forwards, unmoving, and (I think), not breathing.

What a twat.

I got off at the next stop, went and taught my class, and went home.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 11:40, 12 replies)

No you didn't Vag.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 11:43, closed)

Omg you killed a man right in front of a little girl?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 11:43, closed)

Where was your dog in all of this?

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 11:44, closed)

You beat up the little girl because
you fancied the fuck haired twat.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:00, closed)

Needs more, "this did not sit well with me".
And maybe some red mist descending in there too?
Apart from that, thats exactly what i would of done.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:08, closed)

True, also...

I was hoping for a bit more on what his supermodel girlfriend(s) did after they heard of his heroism...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:11, closed)

The problem with this is...

...that it's better than the posts it is parodying

/cobrastrikelol
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:08, closed)

Self defence, for sure.

(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:08, closed)

Needs more massive drugs
(WOGAN'S WIG FIXER, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:19, closed)

and pencil sharpenings...

Then it'd be PERFECT!
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:24, closed)

stick in a maddie joke about droids for extra twatishness
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:40, closed)

Ah Grasshopper
Walk not into the path of the righteous, for there you may find lorries, and walking into the path of a lorry is the way of the fool.
(username failed moderation, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:47, closed)