The wonder of the British education system
I was lucky enough to spend a whole year 'unemployed' whilst writing up my PhD thesis. I seems that the British government in their infinite wisdom decided some time ago to only fund PhDs (and have you registered as a student) for the first three years yet have no punishment if it is not submitted in under four. This means that the vast majority of UK PhDs spend a year signing on, which is brilliant.

This is how it works: you have two weeks to make up some bullshit about ways you've been looking for a job, these can include: reading the newspaper, talking to friends (in the pub?), performing an internet search all that sort of stuff. You can knock that crap out in around 20 mins and spend the rest of the fortnight watching 'homes under the hammer', wanking, and sleeping off hangovers paid for by the government. I really don't know why I bothered to get a job....

Oh yeah, and if they start hassling you about 'new deal' etc. which they do after you've been signing for 6 months you can just not sign on one week, do a 'rapid re-sign' a few days later and be put back to square one! yay!
(Dr Death is not as funny as when I thought it up, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 4:51, 8 replies)

Funded PhD?
Lightweight.

:)
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 9:16, closed)

Dr Enzyme,
let me reiterate: if you get funding for your PhD it means it's a worthy topic and you are considered a worthy scholar ;)

Yours in-the-money,
Dr CHCB.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 9:48, closed)

No-one told me!
I got a job after the three year's funding ended which made writing the thesis take forever. Well, it took two years, but you get my drift.

And what do you do with a PhD when you've finished? I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I've found it useful to call myself Dr BearWithLittleBrain.
(BearWithLittleBrain, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 10:11, closed)

Just wait for one of those
"Oh no! He's bleeding! IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?" kinda moments.

Then all you need to do is poke some organs.
( Cawl, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 10:15, closed)

Organs
They're a bit icky.
(BearWithLittleBrain, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 12:56, closed)

Organs
are brilliant - you can play a chord with one finger.
( ejlflop errrrrgs. Regularly., Mon 6 Apr 2009, 23:59, closed)

You get a post-doc and then a job as a lecturer
and then you wonder why you bothered and start envying people with 'real' jobs.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 10:53, closed)

everytime anyone asks you something you shout
"Damnit Jim, I'm a doctor not a {insert appropriate profession} !"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 11:06, closed)