Aural voyeurism
I was staying in a hotel in Bristol through work and my room had a door joining the adjacent room. It was locked but thin, thus I could hear nearly everything that occurred in the adjoining room which was occupied by a gobby woman.

You can tell what's next can't you?

After taking about 25 calls, annoying ringtone included, and gabbling on for ages, finally silence. Ah great thinks I, peace and quiet. Alas no, there's the sound of a door being knocked and a mans voice, probably her client.

I drifted off to sleep to be rudely and predictably awoken by sex noises, thankfully not for very long. Anyway, when the deed had been done, there was silence for about a minute, then the man mumbled and the woman said loudly and somewhat bizarrely, "Shut up you I'm hungry!"

Your guess is as good as mine.
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 10:23, Reply)

Subaqua voyeurism
I'm a very keen fitness freak and am somewhat fanatical about getting my daily fix of exercise stimulated endorphins. Two or three days a week I'll head to the local pool for a swim.

One particular afternoon I decided to go a couple of hours early and ended up having the fast lane to myself. I was happily thrashing my way up and down the empty lane when I caught sight of a figure slowly lowering themselves into the water in my lane. As I got closer and the blur began to sharpen into focus I realised that the figure was female and that they were wearing a two piece costume. The latter being fairly unusual. She was in her early twenties and not unattractive I noted.

Anyway, I didn't give it a second thought as she started her swim. She was swimming classic breast stroke style which meant she was kicking her legs sideways and going a lot slower than I was. Fair play, my lane was empty save for me so I didn't give it a second thought until I went to overtake her.

Wha????

It seemed she was suffering from a wardrobe malfunction of epic proportions. Each time she kicked, the gusset of her bikini bottoms flapped sideways. Swimming front crawl meant I had my head underwater and my view was pretty much filled with intermittent minge-flashing as I passed.

What do I do? The gentlemanly instinct was to stop her and tactfully suggest that she might want to adjust her dress. The cowardly instinct was to keep schtumn and pretend I'd seen nothing. Guess which I plumped for?

Anyways, such was the difference in speed that I overtook about eight or nine times, each time being distracted by a gogglefull of beaver.

On reflection though, perhaps the gentlemanly thing would have been to have pointed the overabundance of pant-beard and give directions to the nearest waxing parlour. The view from the back was akin to the mental picture of Brian Blessed blowing a kiss.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 12 Oct 2007, 10:17, 1 reply)

Last qotw's irrelevent answer
weeeeellllllll!
There was that one time at an ex's girlfriends house getting jiggy with it in the living room - and I dont mean the missionary position while forgetting that the window was not covered by curtains or nets.

And it was a posh area.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 10:12, Reply)

Phoenix Festival, 1996
I worked as a steward at a couple of festivals when I was a student, one of which was the Phoenix in 1996. Bowie, The Prodigy, the Sex Pistols, Björk – I missed them all because I was either (a) manning a fire-tower a gazillion miles from the stage, or (b) shivering in my tent with sunstroke from too much of (a). But I digress…

Fire tower duty essentially meant doing nothing more than watching the campsites and making sure that noone lit a fire. (“Mr Case” was PA-system code for a little fire, “Mr Ash” for a larger one, and “Mr England” for “Fuck! RUN!” – so if you’re ever at a festival and here an announcement that Mr England is in campsite A… you know what it means.) We – one of the guys I was stationed with and I – would occasionally wander around the site on patrol.

Flat on her back, asleep in the sun outside her tent, was a brunette. Somehow her skirt (shorts? Can’t remember) had ridden up her legs and it was plain for all to see that she was going commando.

Oddly, we got particularly worried that that area of the campsite might catch fire, so it was important that we went back to check its safety quite a few times over the next half-hour or so. When she woke and moved, the fire hazard miraculously subsided. Odd how these things coincide, isn’t it?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 10:02, Reply)

KILL JOY COPPERS...
A few years back when I was young, free and incredibly horny I had picked up a guy in a nightclub in town. After a bit of heavy petting in the club we decided to venture out and continue our friskiness further.
He lived with his parents and I was staying with my Gran at the time so going home was not an option.
Drunk and horny as hell we classily chose a back alley in the city centre and got down to business.
I had my knickers down by my ankles and was being taken from behind when the boys in blue turned up and asked us to go home as what we were doing was illegal - spoil sports!
We never did go home....we just staggered around the block and found a nice jewellers door way which was even better as it has a mirrored doorway.
We were so plastered we weren't even bothered about being caught `at it' by the Police. Good job they didn't arrest us though - That would have taken some explaining to my Gran!
Those were the days eh?! ;O)
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 9:56, Reply)

Dirty Doggers and Hockey Masks
In my younger days I knew all the dogging spots in my area. No, not for that reason, it just so happens that the ideal spots for having a few spliffs in my car were also good dogging spots.

Anyway, it used to amuse me and my mates to no end watching these clowns wait round for action, dirty old men stood outside their cars smoking and waiting for a good perv. So, us being high teenage males do the natural thing, take the piss.

One night I just so happened to have 4 hockey masks in my car (don't ask) so we proceeded to park up in the darkest spot of this one particular area. There were about 4 or 5 cars dotted around and concluded these were good targets and we could take them if things got ugly. We donned the mask and then, as I was informed by my friend, flashed the interior lights (this apparently is how you attract a dogger). Then we all begin to rock the car whilst ducking down out of site. The cars pull closer, which is kindda freaky, but to make it worse there was a little gimp geek on a scooter who was obviously the messenger boy. He shot round to the main car park to alert the others that there was some action to watch.

Cue about another 6 cars and 3 motorbikes and all of us rapidly becoming very uncomfortable.
One mate bricked it, he just wanted to get out of there, me an the other two lads were unsure as to what action to be taken.
Imagine a wounded zebra on the plains of Africa with lions and hyenas gathering round, getting closer. That’s how we felt.

Then it gets funny, my mate instructs us to wind all the windows down and he flicks on the light. "Fu#k it, lets go for it". We all stick our bodies out the window, masked up and tooled up and start shouting all kinds of obscenities and threats. Man, you should have seen their faces hahahaha fcukin class, especially when my mate shouted

"DOES YOUR WIFE KNOW YOUR HERE YOU DIRTY DOGGING BASTARD"

That'll teach them to dog in my spliff spot.
(tedalaki - Like Purple Aki but better, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 9:50, Reply)

Webcam porn - in her kitchen!
I lived opposite a mansion block in central London where I could see through all the windows and watch what the neighbours were up to, if they forgot to draw their curtains. After more than 2 years, I was rather disappointed to note that I'd never seen anything bad, wrong or saucy. However this was to change...

In the weeks before I moved out, I noticed that one of the girls in the flat opposite had got a laptop set up in her kitchen. She seemed to spend a lot of time in front of it, wiggling her shoulders alluringly and throwing back her hair, and quite often she seemed to be losing items of clothing too. I thought maybe she had found love online, and was flirting with her new cyberf*** through the magic of her webcam. (Hey, we've all done that, haven't we...?)

One day I watched for slightly longer than perhaps I should have, and realised that she was repeating this cycle over and over, every 10-20 minutes or so - I'm guessing she was waiting for their 'money to run out' before getting dressed for the next customer!
(Hermioninny, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 9:49, Reply)

In Greece
I was sharing a flat with a lady. One night, we thought it might be fun if I stood outside on the balcony and watched her flick the bean, as this had always been one of her fantasies. Happy to oblige, I stood outside in the dark with pecker in palm and watched her writhe about the bed.

However, I was put off my stroke somewhat when I noticed an old woman on an overlooking balcony standing mouth agape and with an empty watering can upended in her shaking hand. So I went inside and slotted into the flatmate instead. I don't know if the old woman remained watching.
(frankspencer, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 9:47, Reply)

supress the memory... supress the memory !!
Many many years ago, I was at Watford College, spending my student loan getting shitfaced every night, and living on a diet of Tesco's 24 bags of assorted crisps.

Life was good.

One night I decided to down a bottle of the quality "students choice" Mad Dog 20/20, and then hit the town, and then drink everything and anything that my bleary eyes could focus on. After drinking a good selection of around 20 different drinks, I decided that I hadn't had enough and stumbled into the local nightclub.

By that time, I decided I was ready to unleash my dancing powers upon the world and went to the packed dancefloor.... I stood there like a chinese man staring at the sun.. not moving for fear of throwing up.

Then it happened.. *holds his face in his hands*.. The biggest fattest ugliest black momma..locked on to an easy target, moved in and started sucking my face off. Even as blind drunk as I was.. I knew, she was probably the ugliest girl in town.. but hey, I didn't really care at that time..

She was a classy girl.

She dragged me into a corner, pulled her knickers to one side and got me to finger her there and then.

I can't say my technique was on par, but she was gushing all over the place..and I must have been fingering her for a good couple of minutes... until, I got a tap on the shoulder, and a bouncer said to me " Can you calm it down please".

They must have been pissing themselves. The bastards.. All I needed was someone, anyone to say...mate...you're making a big mistake !

I turned around to see the packed dancefloor staring at me..

A week or so later I visited the nightclub sober..and yes..evryone looked at me like the local manwhore.

Not very nice.. so I got shitfaced again.
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Fri 12 Oct 2007, 9:46, Reply)

Guilty peepage
At the beach last year with wife and kids: a nice sunny day, the place was quite crowded. Not far from us was an older lady with her (grand?)daughter, a blond girl in her late teens/early twenties who was clearly somewhat...what's the PC term these days?...special.

Anyway, she'd been off for a dip and came back to dry off and change out of her swimming gear. Her (grand?)mother instructed her in how to wrap a towel around herself to cover her modesty as she got underessed, but she made a bit of a pig's ear of it and thus was I presented with an unobstructed full-frontal display.

Now (believe me) she was clearly of age, I hadn't gone out of my way to see anything (just happened to be looking in that direction as she moved the towel aside) and under other circumstances I'd have just chalked it up as a bit of a free show. But to be honest afterwards I just felt like a dirty old perv and wished that whoever the old lady was, she'd taken a bit more care to teach her charge how to keep herself covered up.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 9:45, Reply)

Ski Whore
Ever been skiing in Pas de la casa Andorra? well neither have I, as I spent most of it either in a bar or in bed, or occasionally al fresco, for what is sexier than a numb arse when entertaining a gentleman?

So day two of our girls ski trip, we landed up on the pub crawl (classy) as its 10 men to every 1 woman, the drinks were free flowing and soon enough I met a nice young fellow to chat to, we decided to go out for some air. Now not wanting to ruin my chances with the 100 or so other chaps I declined to go back to his holiday shag pad, instead offering him certain oral treats in the door way of a nearby apartment block. It was only 11 oclock or so, so when a group of French folk returned to their apartment after indulging in some local paella, they were quite amused to see a bloke blocking the door getting sucked off by a slightly drunk lady, but with that typical Gallic charm they merely opened the other door, patted me on the back and hi-5'd him!

Voyeur? They practically joined in!
(Fizzylegs cant find the time to pluck, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 9:21, Reply)

Once upon a time in a city in Engerlaaand
I got hideously drunk dressed as a Scout. I managed to lose all my mates (who were all dressed as boy Scouts and Brownies), and stumbled around looking for people. My memory of the evening kicks in at about the point where I was slouched in a doorway, 'pleasuring' a girl with my hand down her knickers, slobbering into each others mouths when a riot van with 6+ coppers in pulls up, the passenger window goes down and the friendly copper in the passenger seat says "Steady on Sam, you don't know where he's been." Que the blue lights, siren, much laughing and the riot van speeds away. Poor old Sam the Policewoman has been caught by her co-workers being fingered by a 22 year old drunk man dressed as a Scout.
(Biromunch, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 8:06, Reply)

Ow, my freekin' eyes
Sitting on a bus, pulled into a bust stop. I look to my left and see two mongs, a guy and a girl. She was sat there with her two very hairy legs spread whilst he was going to work on her with his fingers. He was drooling and clearly very excited. She looked like she was trying to recite the alphabet.
Fair play to them, both are getting more than me and I'm not even mong.
(Creamy Discharge Freeze Motherstickers, this is a fuck up, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 7:26, 1 reply)

Christ
Forgotten about this one. I was at a friend's 21st last year, and got completely out of my tree. Apparently (for I remember not) I staggered off to bed, which consisted of my sleeping bag on the floor of the host's bedroom.

Well, he got his birthday shag, and said shagging must have woken me up. I apparently sat up stock straight, watching, and let out the immortal line of

"Cor! This is better than porno!"

It kinda ruined the mood a bit I can tell you. We laughed about it later though...
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Fri 12 Oct 2007, 7:13, Reply)

Home Movies
A female friend of mine (stunning I may add) had been involved in a fashion show and wanted the video clips sorted, mixed with music and transitions added so it could be converted onto DVD. Being the affable chap I am I agreed.

I received about six CD’s with the clips from three different camera’s all in AVI format. First things first, I bounced them all onto the hard drive at home and started sorting the clips out!

One off the CD’s contained home made porno. Not a position was missed, bright lights and a handheld remote control for focus had been employed and the quality was absolutely superb. She and her boyfriend at the time (who incidentally was also a friend off mine) had obviously watched a lot of high class smut and decided to make their own personal bluey.

I must admit to having initially been in a quandary, do I view the film or do the honorable thing and return it unwatched.

The film was superb, I admitted to having watched it and complimented her on “fitness” and she was not embarrassed in the least!

She split up with her boyfriend about three months later and I got the chance to reenact the movie.

Sometimes being one of the “Dirty Mac Brigade” pays off!
( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 6:54, Reply)

Yeah, another person who saw some people boinking...
One night I was walking home 'round 11ish, when some movement caught my eye. Sure 'nuff, on the third floor of the apartment building across the street (also happened to be across the street from the bloody university, way to be subtle): blinds open, lights on, some couple is banging away on their sofa. I could see them from a block away.

Not wanting to look like a pervert, I kept walking but kept my eye on the window. Then I noticed an older guy in front of me, just standing in the middle of the sidewalk, smoking a cigarette, and watching them. I ended up being more fascinated with watching him watching them.

To make it even better, I told my sister about it at a party a few weeks later while a group of us ladies were hanging outside. One of the girls was confused about which position the couple had adopted, so my sister grabbed her and started thrusting like she was taking her friend from behind. "Like THIS!"

At this point I should mention that there was a party going on next door which had attracted a lot of black men. Of course, us being curvy white chicks, the scene immediately erupted into a lot of hooting, hollering, and invitations to their party.
(Exempt OH WOW, VICODIN, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 6:42, Reply)

Murder, bloody murder.
not sex, but the threat of death.
was traveling by train to the rural town where my parents lived many years ago. was sat alone in a 'snug' of 6 seats, 3 facing one way, 3 facing the other, with my face burried in my book and headphones on. about half way on the 3 hour jurney a bogan girl and her rough as guts bloke take 2 of the seats facing me.
eventualy the tape in my player stops and thier conversation makes it way to my ears. for nearly an hour i listened to the bloke angrily and graphicly plot the murder of the girls ex. all the while she pleaded, ordered and threatened him not to. it was to be an unsubtle crime, many options offered for the deed including guns, cars and fists. the body was to be weighted and deposited in a local friends dam. as a quiet and painfully shy youth, i was too scared and strangely facinated to move or change the tape lest he discover i had overheard. it was an awkward and long trip. thankfully they got off a town or two before i did. i think i would have been happier for them just to be going at it instead. on reflection he was almost certainly all just talk like most of the yobs down that way.... almost...certainly.
(lazy killer robot found that beer tastes better when your older, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 6:32, Reply)

caught in the act..
I was living with a girlfriend of mine at the time, our bedroom had venetian blinds with 2 of the slats missing, during some heated activity on our bed i just had that feeling that someone was watching us do the vertical dance, i looked up at the window to find 2 indian boys watching, i got out of bed put some pants on and ran out the door to go sort them out, but by the time i got there they had gone, i do not know how long they were there for but they would have got a bit of a treat as my ex girlfriend was an absolute stunner and we had kicked off all the sheets and blankets during our performance, to this day i still have that image in my mind of the missing blinds and 2 indian boys with smiles as big as you could imagine, bet those 2 boys were wishing they had a camera handy... Mick
(suzukimick, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 3:59, Reply)

Room with a view
One time a mate of mine who's into recording his own music decided that he needed some photos for his next album cover. So, he got hold of another friend and they went up to the top floor observation deck of a local luxury hotel, to take some photos of my muso mate with the city at night spread out behind him. For the photo shoot he was wearing a gimp mask and a fake police uniform (No, I don't know why he picked that particular outfit).

Anyway, after taking a few photos, they were standing looking out the window and chatting when they realised that from where they were standing (the observation deck juts out from the side of the hotel) they could see right into the lounge room of one of the luxury apartments. Inside was a naked woman lying on a couch while a bloke stood betwixt her open legs and pounded away. They stood there staring for a minute or two, and then the guy looked up and saw them.

Consider this from his perspective. You're in your hotel room 20 floors above the city, going at it hammer and tongs with a beautiful woman, when you look up to see a photographer and a gimp mask-wearing police officer watching you. What would you do? Full credit to him, this guy didn't bat an eyelid. Staying calm, he reached down, picked up the woman and, still inside, carried her into the bedroom and out of sight.

Unfortunately for him, the bedroom had a full length mirror on the cupboard doors, which was perfectly visible from the observation deck. Said mirror reflected everything that was happening on the bed.

When my mate told me this story, my first question was "Did you take photos?". They didn't. Apparently they were "too shocked".

Length? Like I said, about 20 floors.
(oball needs Satan more than he needs me, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 3:52, Reply)

weiner schnitzel...
Salzburg, Austria. Easter of this year:
Walking through a lovely garden that's in full bloom. Turn around and see a couple kissing passionately on a bench. I think this is odd because there are many people in this garden.
I walk a few feet, glance back again and the couple are really going at it. I don't want to stare too much, so I keep walking. Then I see some folks walking in the direction towards me, gasping and pointing to something behind me. I turn around a last time... and the woman has her hand up the guy's shorts...making rhythmic movements!
(juliajuliajulia, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 3:48, Reply)

Farmwork
.
In my yoof I used to work on a farm during the summer break. It was a great place - an International Workcamp where students from all over the world would descend for a couple of weeks, do some work and then bugger off to replaced by a fresh batch. It was heaven for a fanny-rat like me.

Anyway. This one night I trapped off with a lovely scouse girl and retired to my tent to make the beast with two-backs but in my beer-sodden state I'd missed a couple of things. Firstly, my tent was very close to one of the camp fires so that everything going on within was silhouetted against the tent sides. Secondly, I'd forgottent that a tent is not a house and that everything you say inside is easily heard by people within a few meters.

But the thing that tipped it over into comedy was that said scouser was a howler.

So there I was, pegging away like a jackhammer and she was moaning and howling and I was trying to concentrate and she was putting my right off my stride.

"FUCK ME!! FUCK ME!! FUCK ME!!" she screamed.

So I stopped. Looked down at her and inquired:

"What do you think I'm doing - riding a bike?"

Campsite explodes with laughter and a voice comes from the darkness

"Right in one....."

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 3:40, Reply)

well....
my old job, sifting through old cine reels (yes another QOTW answer about this job)....

BUT!

One strange old bloke brought a reel from 82, where he was stationed somewhere in south america as an army officer.

Cue a LOT of army related dull footage.

But then, the reel burned out a bit, assumed it was the end but noticed a lot more footage, so let it run.....

What followed was footage of said man, with a beaming smile, cutting off a live donkey's head with a guillotine, and looking very aroused by it all too.

In the end, manager refused the reel, the bloke got interviewed by the police...

and i got paid for it all!
( MrGomez and David Bellamy's big pubey beard, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 2:12, Reply)

in my car full of drugs
watching the sunset and my then girlfriend in the passenger seat is giving me a lazy handjob. i'm getting close, my eyes are shut and suddenly i'm feeling warm all over.
then the smell hit me and i realise that her girlfriend who is sitting behind me has projectile vomitted all over me.

still gets me hard just thinking about it
(wallynothere rnot without protection, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 2:05, Reply)

Just wrong
When I was 17, and looked old enough, a group of us went on a night out in Glasgow. This was also the first night I had tried Ecstasy, and I was buzzing off my tits. The night is mostly a blur - stumbling from pub to pub, talking codshit to strangers and hugging everyone. I am normally quite a friendly drunk (not in a sleazy way...well maybe sometimes) and with the addition of Ecstasy I was a loved-up maniac.

We had ended up in the Solid Rock Cafe and had made our way downstairs. Being totally fucked at this point, we brazenly sat down at a random table and proceeded to make friends with those around us. I had sat beside a marginally attractive older woman, around 40ish, and the combination of beer goggles and Eccy madness led to me chatting her up.

I can't quite remember what we talked about - Winnie the Pooh seemed to feature, as did the Toxic Avengers, a cartoon from my childhood. Anyway, after talking shit for ages, she leans in and kisses me, passionately. And let me tell you, if you do take ecstasy, there is no better activity than kissing.

The only problem was, I was vaguely aware of a young guy sitting beside her, staring intensely at us. After sharing saliva for what seemed like hours, we came up for air, and I decided to introduce her to my friends. After plenty of hugs were exchanged, she turns round and introduces us to the guy sitting beside her.

"This is my son, Jason. He's 21"

All of a sudden, I was horrified. I had sat and got off with his mother, right in front of him. This was a delicate situation, and it obviously demanded all of my powers of diplomacy. So I did what any sane, rational person would do. I gave him a hug.

To this day, I still have no idea why he didn't punch my lights out. He is either a better man than I, or simply chickenshit. Or maybe he enjoyed it *shudders*

My mates found the whole thing hilarious, and I was labelled a 'motherfucker' for months afterwards. It was like a badge of honour.

To cap it all, as we leave to go to the Garage (a club in Glasgow), she grabs hold of me and kisses me goodbye (with tongue), again in front of her son, and then suggests I go home with her. Thankfully, my ecstasy-fueled need to dance triumphed over my ecstasy-fueled libido, and I declined.




Length? She never did find out
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 1:22, Reply)

When I was Fresh
At the end of my freshman year, I had just taken my civics exam, and was thoroughly bored. So I ended up drawing a half-nude guy just to see if I could. While I was doing this, the teacher snuck up behind me, smiled really wide, and walked away.

I didn't get in trouble. If she didn't notice, then why did she smile? Did she see and not care? The question haunts me to this day.
(SpiffyBalak, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 1:20, Reply)

In the crease...
I once went out with a lass who's mother was the headmistress at a private school, and the family lived upstairs. In the early days, we used to roll in late, and drink on the cricket pitch.

One night, it got interesting and we went at it on the crease of the the cricket pitch, and a bloody good time it was too.

Only problem was the family cat, sat about 10 yards away, watching intently throughout. Put me off a little, but she didn't seem to mind...


Length? About a cricket stump...
(UXB you said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 0:55, Reply)

Forgot all about this....
When I lived back in the isles, me and the ex used to go for a lunch-time screw at the top of a hill just outside town in one of our cars. One day, while going at it like rabbits, I looked out the back window and got the shock of my life. Parked right behind us was a white BT van, and an old man staring right back at me, mouth open. The ex, sensing something was wrong, asked so. I told him nothing and kept on going.

Told him afterwards thought. We never went there again, and every time I now see a BT van at home, I wonder if he was a regular voyeur up there..... urgh, disturbing.....
(doublefruit is wasting away the day that is, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 0:47, Reply)

Spain
So me and some friends were in Spain on holiday. Two of said friends (a gentleman and a lady) had been enjoying some sort of whirlwind holiday romance that had somewhat hit a wall by the last night, which we spent at a crappy disco. It was somewhat uncomfortable. At one point I went outside for some fresh air/release of tension. I stood, fairly concealed, albeit not intentionally, against some railings and surveyed the world for a while. Shortly after this I heard their voices. They'd decided to break up. Next to me. After considering my options for the proverbial fraction of a second I decided that rather than slowly edging away I would turn slightly to get a better view. I can't produce a transcript I'm afraid, it was quite some time ago, but the whole episode was highly entertaining. It ended with the immortal line, "Well... you're crap anyway."

I suppose this is the attraction of those soap opera things.

Length? About 5 minutes.
( zeltergiset, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 0:40, Reply)

Almost caught...
My flat has five windows, the bedroom and lounge windows face a road, and I always have the curtains closed. The kitchen window faces the next block and there are no windows facing onto it.

Guess who decided to go and make a cuppa in the nude while three blokes were putting up scaffolding on the next block?

Length? They thought it was a scaffolding pole at first! (I mean it was like a scaffolding pole in the first place, it didn't grow from a drinking straw when I saw scaffolders!)
(LargeDoner, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 0:37, Reply)

Whilst on a driving lesson
.....with a pupil we were in a busy supermarket car park on a saturday afternoon doing bay parking.
I asked her to drive up towards the red car parked in a slightly quieter corner of the car park, as i was about to ask her to park i noticed a couple in the red car snogging passionately with their hands all over each other. I decided that perhaps we'd just drive off somewhere else and leave them to get on with their liason, i explained this to the pupil and pointed out the couple who you could barely see now as the windows had almost completely steamed up.

Now, this is when my pupil suddenly decides to become extremely embarrassed, buries her head on the steering wheel and beeps the horn REALLY loudly!

I have never seen two people jump about in a car so quickly pulling on clothes, straightening hair and driving off as fast as possible!!!
('O' She's my rolemodel!, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 0:33, Reply)