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This is a question Weddings Part II

Attending a wedding is like being handed a licence to act like a twat. Oh how I laughed when I sobered up and realised I'd nicked most of the plates and cutlery from the posh hotel lunch and those vague memories of stealthily exiting like a cat-burglar had in fact involved falling out of the hotel, knives and forks clattering onto the steps.

Tell us more of your wedding stories.

(, Mon 3 Nov 2014, 18:10)
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"pedo" == "of the feet"
Fucking 'merkins.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 10:26, 1 reply)
I thought it meant "of my mates 15yo sister"
so thanks for correcting me.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 10:35, closed)
Nope.
And "paedophilia" relates to fiddling with primary school age kids.

Also, 15 is legal in France (where we were at the time - 15 years ago), you complete fucktard.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 13:36, closed)
Getting ultra defensive because you once admitted to fucking underage kids (and don't like being reminded of this)
doesn't stop my reply being vastly more entertaining than your post, or you from being a big angry nonce, with no loyalty to his friends.
Nor does it stop all 5 of your wedding stories from being dull as dishwater, or everyone on this website from wishing you'd get directly to fuck without passing go.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 14:20, closed)
Quick and oh-so-shite

(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 14:36, closed)
We were on holiday in France...
and the age of consent there is 15. Therefore she wasn't underage.

Again, get your facts straight, you fucktard.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 16:42, closed)
You claimed it was your guilty secret.
You've admitted your guilt, and you're proud of it. And you haven't addressed either of the facts that your wedding stories were pure toss, and that nobody likes you.

Bored now... calling you a nonce is so passé.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 17:00, closed)
Guilty secret on moral grounds, not legal...
cos, well, shagging your mate's younger sister (whether or not she's legal) is morally a bit wrong, isn't it? Which is why (as someone who was then in my early 20s) it was kinda fun... because it was a bit wrong.

So would you rather I posted the plot of Four Weddings And A Funeral? Like someone did earlier, because, well, ha ha, that's so funny, isn't it?

Oooh, you don't like me. My life will never be the same again, I'm sure... NOT. Believe it or not, I do have a life outside the interwebs. In fact, almost entirely outside the interwebs. Being the only person in a group of 5 people at a pub who wasn't STARING INTO MY FUCKING SMARTPHONE for the entire evening kinda made that point.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 18:12, closed)
^ Has a Nokia 1100

(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 19:16, closed)
Talk here, listen here...
I have a Nokia E5 (looks similar to a Blackberry). It has smart capabilities, but I hardly ever use them. I like the qwerty keypad for txting, and I like being able to pick up emails on it.

I also like the fact that I can stuff a 32GB memory card in it and store about 300 CDs worth of music on it, so no need to carry an iPod as well.

If I want mobile internet, I fire up the laptop and either use my Mi-Fi hotspot or use the phone to create a dialup connection via Bluetooth.

Oh, and it also has strong crypto on it, so all my personal data (and dodgy pics) are safe. Phone and memory card both encrypted.

But mostly I use it to make phone calls and send txts.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 20:04, closed)
Encrypting your 'dodgy pics' isn't going to save you.
You now have to surrender the key to the police or face up to 2 years in prison

Of course you knew this, being a top shot fantasy lawer an'all.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 20:12, closed)
It's not quite that straightforward...
In order to obtain a warrant forcing you to disclose the decryption key, the gestapo, sorry, law enforcement have to have "reasonable suspicion" that there is something on the encrypted device which pertains to terrorism, national security or kiddie pr0n. And simply saying "we think this guy has kiddie pr0n on his phone and it's encrypted" isn't good enough. They have to show evidence.

In any event, they also have to prove that a. the decryption key(s) exist, and b. you have them in your possession to hand them over.

Therefore, should they attempt to use a RIPA warrant on you, you simply state "there is no decryption key". To bring a charge under RIPA part 3, they have to prove otherwise. Which they can't, of course. Why? Because the decryption key exists only on the device (which they already have). The fact that the key itself is encrypted using your passphrase or unlock code is irrelevant.

If I could be bothered I'd look up some case law. Suffice to say that there is no kiddie pr0n contained on my phone. Nor are there any dodgy selfies. However, there is commercially sensitive information on it, hence the use of encryption.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 20:48, closed)
This can't be real. It can't be.
This can only be epically well played TTT.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 20:57, closed)
rabid, chatting on the internet

(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 23:07, closed)
Nice of you to admit to being in possession of so much dodgy underage porn.
Not sure anyone here cares, though.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 20:13, closed)
Would that be from where...
I imaged your hard drive when the police seized it recently?
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 21:00, closed)
Nice, suave.
What's the weather like on your planet?
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 21:42, closed)
I hope you get shanked
in the first week of your 5 year sentence for child fucking.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 20:03, closed)
Why is everyone staring into your smartphone?

(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 20:38, closed)
So maybe that should have read
staring into THEIR smartphones? Just to avoid ambiguity.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 20:42, closed)

Thir-fucking-teen.
(, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 9:15, closed)
This reply only makes any sense
If you think that the general public are against nonces for the sole reason that it's illegal.
(, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 19:40, closed)
^ This should win.

(, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 23:26, closed)

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