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Hello!
I hate to fall into that terrible category of drunk /talk poster but I just had my sixth form prom.

It was prom-licious. And upon taking a trip to a few bars afterwards I pulled a gorgeous 30 year old. Turns out she deals coke and on monday we plan to snort cocaine off each others naked bodies.





This amuses me greatly.
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 3:58, archived)
christ, grow up

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 3:59, archived)
I'm 18
I think you'll find this allows me to go and snort cocaine off girls bodies.
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:01, archived)
you'll excuse me if I fail to get excited
but that post really came across like you're pissed on a sniff of the barmaid's apron and having a juvenile wank fantasy with OMG druz0rz thrown in for good measure
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:05, archived)
Yeah it's annoying to be honest
because I'm well aware that around midnight to three in the morning /talk is innundated with randoms saying "Yeah I drank 18 times my own bodyweight and smoked loadzzz of cannabis LOL LMAFOA!!!111!!"

But my story is true and Im immensly proud, so I thought despite the criticism I would obviously recieve I would post it anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:11, archived)
Neither big nor clever.

(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:36, archived)
I think you'll find that the law still disagrees with you on the cocaine bit.
3 to 5 years worth of disagreeing I believe.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:12, archived)
Did I say cocaine?
I meant sherbert.
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:15, archived)
oh fuck the law
coke is fun
(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:17, archived)
Quiet, perp!

(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:22, archived)
what?
nothing wrong with coca-cola
(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:24, archived)
yeah.
errm... that's what I meant aswell.
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:26, archived)
Hello Parrott.

(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:00, archived)
You wish
Im not a big enough doctor who fan.
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:02, archived)
do they have proms in british schools now
or are you a foreign?
(I helped save b3ta! scott,, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:02, archived)
Well, we have a thing
where we all get dressed up in suits and dresses, go to the town hall and listen to teachers and the head boy/ head girl make speeches, then drink lots.

So I guess it's a "leavers meal" but it's easier to call it a prom.

At the risk of sounding like an American
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:05, archived)
you should stop now
the whole "listening to speeches by the head boy" thing is damaging your druggz0rz street cred
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:07, archived)
IS THE HEAD BOY OF GOOD BREED?
*Toots Pipe*
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:11, archived)
I'm terrified, as this posts contains:
Hilarious drunk b3tan
OMG I TALKED 2 A GURL.
and DrUGz0Rz?!
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:04, archived)
I was being liberal with the term "girl", mind.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:04, archived)
I think the amazing thing is that you replied to your
own post.

Yeah it doesn't include the typical "I drank 30 pints and then pulled sextuplet supermodels" though, as I get annoyed by those people who post those things too.
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:07, archived)
This isn't the first time "amazing" and "you" have featured in a reply to me, to be fair.
Treat this as grown up advice.

Don't go see the cocaine dealer. She has a big chav boyfriend who's going to rip your head off if you do.
This is almost a guarantee.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:09, archived)
I can imagine this being true to be perfectly honest



Maybe I should find out some information about her before I do anything?
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:13, archived)
Find out who produced her last album.
Etc.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:14, archived)
SHIT
she's Lily Allen.


Glad I got out of that one.
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:16, archived)
good morning JMG

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:06, archived)
I'm not on long.
I was just watching a Stern episode with dwarf tossing.
I was ROFL for a good 2 hours.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:07, archived)
I'm just taking a break from shagging Kylie, Alyson Hannigan and Prince Harry
while smoking an LSD reefer and injecting marijuana resin into my eyeballs

later I'm going to listen to a speech by the head boy then wank in front of a mirror while the dog licks peanut butter off my arse

that's how cool I am tonight, how about you?
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:11, archived)
I think Head Boy is the new School Bully.
God I wish I was back at school. I could punch children all day long.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:12, archived)
and snort cocaine off them?

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:13, archived)
GENIUS!

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:15, archived)
Later I let the headmaster spank me
for having a life that might be slightly too interesting for /talk.





because obviously nobody would believe me.
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:28, archived)
go and sleep off your alcopops, this conversation would still be boring even if I believed you

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:32, archived)
Unfortunately I HAVE been drinking alcopops
and therefore by some sort of crazy logic I'm a gay right?


I don't care if nobody believes me, but like I said, this makes me more proud than osama bin laden on september 12th 2001, so being that nobody is really going to post anything interesting on the board, I thought I might aswell come out with it and see what abuse I get for having an adventurous life for once in a while.
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:38, archived)
christ you're dull
I'm astounded by your dullness

you really are just indescribably dull and tedious

go to bed, have a good old wank and wait for mummy to bring you a cup of tea in the morning you dull child
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:40, archived)
I'm sorry oh great gilgamesh, for offending your sensibilties
from now on I will only post random bollocks on the talk board at half four in the morning when all of three people are on it.

I wouldn't want to make your life more dull than it already is now would I? What with you being on an internet message board at quarter to five in the morning.
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:45, archived)
I never said you offended me
I just said you're a dull little child with an over-active imagination who can't eat three wine gums without getting wankered
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:46, archived)
Well in all honestly you don't KNOW that now do you?
If Id've said "oh yeah I drank 15 pints" then fair enough, I would've imagined I was lying. But I've been on b3ta long enough to know that people who boast about how much they've drank are usually dickheads.

So what, yeah I ate three wine gums and nearly passed out; guess I'm a terrible person aren't I? I don't think it really matters to be honest

If I was lying I would've said I shagged a pair of 18 year old blonde twins whilst drinking moet from their vaginas.

fact is I didn't, I pulled a slightly overwieght 30 year old with pretty eyes who, upon talking to her, happened to deal cocaine as a sideline- I asked her if I could "snort coke off her naked body" mostley as a joke and she said yeah.

If you choose to believe this isn't true, and I'm actually fucking sad enough to make up a story to three or four people on an internet message board at 5 in the morning, then be my guest; just don't have a go at me about it- because you have no idea how true it ACTUALLY is and it's none of your cunting business, you're not king of /talk
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:58, archived)
WOBBLE! BIG FAT FUCKING WOBBLE!
TL:DR
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:59, archived)
I'm RISing all over this.

(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 5:08, archived)
No offence mate, but pulling someone 12 years my senior isn't really something I'd be proud of
edit/ Especially a coke-head. Seriously, what the hell?
(0800221155 Coldseal windows, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:48, archived)
Honestly
pull a 16 year old innocent, clean, teachers daughter, then you'll have something to boast about
(0800221155 Coldseal windows, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 5:00, archived)
Teachers daughters are never innocent!

(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 5:03, archived)
Obviously we've had different teachers

(0800221155 Coldseal windows, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 5:03, archived)
To me that is an achievement
mainly for the fact she IS a cokehead.






I could've shagged a 40 year old smackhead in the St Anns area of Nottingham, the thing was she was asking for £30 and smelled like piss.
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 5:01, archived)
I fail to see how that's so much of an improvement

(0800221155 Coldseal windows, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 5:02, archived)
Yeah hence why I wouldn't have gone for it even
if she wasn't a smelly crack-whore

but 30 year olds are LESS likely to get with 18 year olds surely?
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 5:06, archived)
I don't know, but I'd rather have gone for an 18 year old, myself.
You know, like one of the ones in your school who you'll never have to see again if you don't want to? What were you thinking?
(0800221155 Coldseal windows, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 5:10, archived)
But you have to admit
it's far easier to pull someone you haven't known for 7 years, as they haven't seen all the stupid things you've done.

It makes sense that while I'm 18 I should make the best of the 18 year olds- but a shag is a shag and It just seems like more of an achievement to have a 30 year old drug dealer.
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 5:13, archived)
I disagree.

(0800221155 Coldseal windows, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 5:16, archived)
Well sir
whilst I may not agree with what you say, I'll defend to the death your right to say it.
(I helped save b3ta! KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 5:17, archived)