*Hocks up a big load of flemb, spits it out on my hand, then rubs my hand on your shoulder*
"Let's get you out of those wet clothes".

/chatup lines gone wrong.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:08, archived)

That top looks very becoming on you.
Of course... If I was on you I'd becoming too.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:09, archived)

I'd like to wrap a carrier bag tight around your face
just so I could give you the kiss of life
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:10, archived)

If I said you had large breasts would you rub them against me?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:10, archived)

Oh Gonz.
:(
When will you learn that the only chatup line you REALLY need is "Don't struggle, I've got a knife." ?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:12, archived)

Do you remember that simpsons thing when Bart was swinging his arms and he said "I'm swinging my arms, and if you get in my way, it's your own fault" and then lisa did the same thing with kicking.
I'm gonna start thrusting my hips forward with a stuff butt naked, and if you get in the way, then it's your own fault.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:21, archived)

You're a fucking CHARMER Gonz.
If I was a girl I'd totally let you smash me.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:31, archived)

I wet my finger and stuck it up my bum just on the off chance gonz is passing my house
and I could invite him in
( magnum, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 16:48, archived)

Or- "I'll never be able to take all this cocaine on my own."

( Lord Gnome, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 16:11, archived)

Get your coat, you've pulled and I don't want to leave any evidence that you were here.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:13, archived)

Does this taste of rohypnol to you.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:15, archived)

Your legs must be tired
because you've been running through my house, looking for an unlocked exit all night
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:16, archived)

Are your legs tired?
Because you've had the runs all night
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:17, archived)

haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:21, archived)

You made her play "Pass The Ex-Lax" on the first date?
CLASSY!
:D
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:31, archived)

If I rewrote the alphabet I would put U and I together and then put 2 Ms between them, a B in front and NG on the end and that spells what I've got planned for you.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:18, archived)

haha.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:21, archived)

bah!

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:22, archived)

You'rs is better. I'm sorry, I'm not very good at chat up lines.
I usually let my penis do all the talking.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:23, archived)

Ventriloquism?
Do you stick googly eyes and two bits of broccoli to it to make it look like an axolotl?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:54, archived)

No, last time I tried that it was nearly eaten by a heron.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 16:26, archived)

And that's why they wouldn't let you back on Blind Date.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:36, archived)

Do you have a map, because I keep getting lost in your house

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:19, archived)

I'm no Popeye, but I'll make you agagagagagagag

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:20, archived)

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and P together

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:21, archived)

Do you come here often? Because I would like to cum here often. *points to their vagina*

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:21, archived)

If I could re-write the alphabet I would leave emenelopee where they are 'cus it shortens it into one word when rememberising it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:22, archived)

You're rememberising it wrong.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:47, archived)

oh lol, wrote it down wrong, elomenopee

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:58, archived)

The word on the street is "Herpes"
Let's go outside and spread the word.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:22, archived)

Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? between 350–680kg

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:23, archived)

I'm drunk and lonely, and about to vomit.
Mind if I do it in your hair?
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:23, archived)

What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:25, archived)

Is your father a thief?
Cos you look like a pikey
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:26, archived)

You have lovely eyes, what an unusual colour.
I don't think that I have any of that particular shade in my collection.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:29, archived)

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:29, archived)

Heaven must be missing an angel! But don't worry, as soon as I'm done with you I'll be sending you straight back to Heaven.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:30, archived)

Listen, love, that's £20 that can go into Nando's pocket or yours, I ain't bothered which way, although you'll have to make me some toast afterwards 'cus otherwise we might as well go nandos.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:33, archived)

I'm a doctor and I'm here to give you a free hysterectomy

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:34, archived)

Is your name Gillette? Cause you look like you have to shave.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:34, archived)

When I saw you just now, I knew that Cupid must be about
And I'd love to hang around someone who attracts naked flying toddlers
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:34, archived)

excellent work.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:36, archived)

That perfume you're wearing is enchanting,
Reminds me of the Thai brothel I lost my virginity in...to a man.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:35, archived)

It's getting hot in here
but my flat is kept at quite low temperatures, that way the bodies don't decay as quickly
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:37, archived)

They say you should look at your misses's mum so you can see what she'll look like when she's older.... you got any family photos? Yeah', she'll do.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:38, archived)

I like a girl who I can flip over on her front and it'll still be like I'm fucking a quior boy.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:39, archived)

Shall we go back to yours?
I promise not to rape and murder you Joanna. YOU HEARTLESS BITCH!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:40, archived)

I like a girl with a decent length stubble down there
It makes me think of my mate Dave's mouth
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:41, archived)

Looking for business love?
Oh shit, dad?
What do you mean "family discount"?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:45, archived)

I'm so glad you came in for a coffee.
While you're here, I'd like to see you in some of my mother's clothes
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 15:54, archived)

See that girl over there, with the buck teeth and missing an eye.
You're not quite as ugly as her.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 16:29, archived)

Let's get you out of those terrible clothes.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 16:29, archived)

Hi, I'm 2 Can Chunder and you are... well in fact you're name isn't important, you're just a vagina as far as I'm concerned. I'll just call you pigface for now.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 16:32, archived)

If I said you have a beautiful body will you let my dog fuck you while I watch?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 16:37, archived)

There are 206 bones in the human body,
You're getting one more, and a lot of the rest broken, now get in the fucking van.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 23 Oct 2011, 16:43, archived)

Hey there gorgeous, someone call Cod and tell him one of his angelfish is missing. Do you eel like coming back to my plaice?
And if you're wondering about all the fish puns it's because back home I've got a bucket of eels and a funnel.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 23 Oct 2011, 16:49, archived)

This is fucking wonderful.
:D
I think I love you.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 23 Oct 2011, 17:33, archived)