He also spent hundreds of thousands of his own savings to advertise how he and all his follwers are better than us and God's gonna prove it when the world ends and they're the only ones saved from it by Him yesterday.
*snort*
(*snort*
..wil,
Sun 22 May 2011, 21:12,
archived)
No no no!He spent all that money to try and persuade as many people as possible to repent before Judgement Day! He's a latter-day saint. Just not a Latter-Day Saint. That's quite a different thing and those people won't have been Raptured. They'll be BURNING IN HELLFIRE TONIGHT. Or on October 21st. I'm a bit fuzzy about the dates.
(
boris the spider,
Sun 22 May 2011, 21:13,
archived)
fuck that!the world had better not end the day before my birthday, or god gets a kick right up the celestial bracket!
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet,
Sun 22 May 2011, 21:17,
archived)
I read that Rapture was yesterday,advertised with a wave of earthquakes hitting at 6pm local time*, and that all us sinners will be dead by October 21st. People who were Raptured will be spending the forthcoming six months hanging in the air and watching us all die painfully and gruesomely and, doubtless, eating celestial popcorn and feeling absurdly smug as they do so.
We'll have the last laugh though -- since clothes are sinful** everyone swept into the air will be butt-naked and at least we'll be able to point at them and laugh at their haemorrhoids and all the outy-belly buttons.
* which leads me to wonder what happens if you're right next to a time zone boundary. Let's say you live in Dover and a magnitude 9 quake strikes Calais at 6PM CET, which is 5PM BST. Was God planning on putting up a massive mystical barrier halfway across the Channel to stop the Earthquake being felt in Dover, and to stop the resultant tsunami from twatting it before the allotted time? Maybe it was the logistics of it that slowed Him down. After all, the situation only gets worse in countries like Russia with multiple time zones. Could people walk from a time zone as yet unaffected by the Rapture into a timezone filled with pain and anguish and massive earthquakes and then walk back again? Or would the massive mystical barrier block people from entering or leaving? It's no wonder He decided to call it off and wait till He had a more coherent plan.
** They must be; Adam and Eve only made clothes after they ate the apple and realised they were naked. Before that, when everything was pure and sin hadn't entered the world, they didn't wear any clothes.
(We'll have the last laugh though -- since clothes are sinful** everyone swept into the air will be butt-naked and at least we'll be able to point at them and laugh at their haemorrhoids and all the outy-belly buttons.
* which leads me to wonder what happens if you're right next to a time zone boundary. Let's say you live in Dover and a magnitude 9 quake strikes Calais at 6PM CET, which is 5PM BST. Was God planning on putting up a massive mystical barrier halfway across the Channel to stop the Earthquake being felt in Dover, and to stop the resultant tsunami from twatting it before the allotted time? Maybe it was the logistics of it that slowed Him down. After all, the situation only gets worse in countries like Russia with multiple time zones. Could people walk from a time zone as yet unaffected by the Rapture into a timezone filled with pain and anguish and massive earthquakes and then walk back again? Or would the massive mystical barrier block people from entering or leaving? It's no wonder He decided to call it off and wait till He had a more coherent plan.
** They must be; Adam and Eve only made clothes after they ate the apple and realised they were naked. Before that, when everything was pure and sin hadn't entered the world, they didn't wear any clothes.
boris the spider,
Sun 22 May 2011, 21:28,
archived)
it's all that paperwork Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet,
Sun 22 May 2011, 21:33,
archived)