2021. I have high hopes....1. Jeremy Kyle will have his own TV channel named ITV1.
2. We won't shit - it will be teleported from our bowels. Shitting will still be an option for those who like a nice poo.
3. All shops will be like Argos where we pay and then have to queue.
4. Bathroom taps (or for our American cousins, *TAPS*) will be more confusing than ever.
5. The Olympics will involve everyone on the entire planet. It will have been replaced by internet connected Wii boxes.
6. Wild animals will have become domestic pets. They will have been bred to be under 1 foot tall. Crocodiles are already in this category.
7. We will not cook food. Simply plug a cable into the socket on the food container and it will heat itself.
8. Ironing will be out of fashion. Crumpled clothes will be (hopefully).
9. Nanites in our clothes will cleanse our skin. Bathing will only be for sexual gratification - this may already be happening.
10. The internet will be renamed to 'Telly'.
11. SD cards will have become so small that they are constantly lost leading to a slew of rubbish pictures all over the place that anyone can pick up using an 'SD Magnet' on every public highway.
12. The Nintendo DS will be a face wrap-around device.
13. Oil will have replaced champagne as a posh drink.
14. Going on a cruise holiday will be a dangerous sport.
15. We will all insure our insurance.
16. Any foodstuff will optionally be made to taste of bacon.
17. Dyson will invent a vacuum cleaner based upon a cube design that all 'trendy' people will pay £500 for.
18. August riots will have their own bank-holiday and be colloquially known as 'La Pamplona'.
19. Virgin will have developed the Space Elevator using a carbon nanotube cable. It will be the most boring space travel ever.
20. Everything will have the ability to hover.
21. Only those who own a Dyson Cubeuum will be eligible to vote.
22. High-flying bankers will have become robots who just press buttons on a whim. Occasionally one will attempt to escape and run around spitting flaming junk bonds at random people.
23. The police will be totally taken over by jumped-up little shits with a degree in arsology.
24. The UK national dish will be bacon curry.
25. I won't have finished that ship I'm trying to build.
26. We will only email via spam.
27. Public advertisements will not exist. They will only be shown when we touch something. This will make them more targeted. Just think what'll happen when you get a bit rumpy with your partner.
28. Everything we buy will begin with an 'i' but anything not made by Apple will be pronounced differently. 'iPPad', for example. Or 'iInglenook Fireplace'.
29. Derren Brown will be the main religion but those who follow him won't know why.
30. We will have discovered why birds suddenly appear every time you are near.
31. Taking your girlfriend up the Oxo Tower in London will still be funny.
32. Red Bull will still not make anything.
33. That stone that I placed on a wall in St Pauls Cathedral when I was 9 (1978) will still be there.
34. PVRs will watch TV for you before it's broadcast, giving you prior notice of time to not watch TV.
35. The only way to pay for anything will be by Paypal.
36. Chocolate fireguards will be in use by everyone.
37. All politicians will be the same person.
38. Cars will have wheels the size of castors so as to reduce the friction and therefore make them be more efficient.
39. Cars will also have their void spaces filled with helium to make them weigh less.
40. Paving slabs will have serial numbers on them and whoever steps on them will choose that number and bet a penny. A national lottery will take place every 15 seconds.
41. The use of jigsaws will be limited to making jigsaws.
42. Tesco will be the only shop available (in an Argos stylee).
43. Emoticons will actually be a real face sent in a parcel.
44. Hats will be outlawed.
45. Licorice Allsorts will become part of state benefits.
46. A teeny weeny SD card will become everyones passport. That they will lose. The epitomy of economy of scale.
47. The economy will be run around the Euro-Fighter. Everyone will trade in war planes.
48. Airfix will start making full-size versions of everything. Brilliant!
49. Stones on paths will become a regimented size to match shoe tread leading to better traction while walking and therefore better for the economy.
50. The edges of the British Isles will be smoothed out so that water can pass by more efficently and give us a chance to use it for hydro-electricity.
/EDIT: Oh. 50 words? Bugger
(2. We won't shit - it will be teleported from our bowels. Shitting will still be an option for those who like a nice poo.
3. All shops will be like Argos where we pay and then have to queue.
4. Bathroom taps (or for our American cousins, *TAPS*) will be more confusing than ever.
5. The Olympics will involve everyone on the entire planet. It will have been replaced by internet connected Wii boxes.
6. Wild animals will have become domestic pets. They will have been bred to be under 1 foot tall. Crocodiles are already in this category.
7. We will not cook food. Simply plug a cable into the socket on the food container and it will heat itself.
8. Ironing will be out of fashion. Crumpled clothes will be (hopefully).
9. Nanites in our clothes will cleanse our skin. Bathing will only be for sexual gratification - this may already be happening.
10. The internet will be renamed to 'Telly'.
11. SD cards will have become so small that they are constantly lost leading to a slew of rubbish pictures all over the place that anyone can pick up using an 'SD Magnet' on every public highway.
12. The Nintendo DS will be a face wrap-around device.
13. Oil will have replaced champagne as a posh drink.
14. Going on a cruise holiday will be a dangerous sport.
15. We will all insure our insurance.
16. Any foodstuff will optionally be made to taste of bacon.
17. Dyson will invent a vacuum cleaner based upon a cube design that all 'trendy' people will pay £500 for.
18. August riots will have their own bank-holiday and be colloquially known as 'La Pamplona'.
19. Virgin will have developed the Space Elevator using a carbon nanotube cable. It will be the most boring space travel ever.
20. Everything will have the ability to hover.
21. Only those who own a Dyson Cubeuum will be eligible to vote.
22. High-flying bankers will have become robots who just press buttons on a whim. Occasionally one will attempt to escape and run around spitting flaming junk bonds at random people.
23. The police will be totally taken over by jumped-up little shits with a degree in arsology.
24. The UK national dish will be bacon curry.
25. I won't have finished that ship I'm trying to build.
26. We will only email via spam.
27. Public advertisements will not exist. They will only be shown when we touch something. This will make them more targeted. Just think what'll happen when you get a bit rumpy with your partner.
28. Everything we buy will begin with an 'i' but anything not made by Apple will be pronounced differently. 'iPPad', for example. Or 'iInglenook Fireplace'.
29. Derren Brown will be the main religion but those who follow him won't know why.
30. We will have discovered why birds suddenly appear every time you are near.
31. Taking your girlfriend up the Oxo Tower in London will still be funny.
32. Red Bull will still not make anything.
33. That stone that I placed on a wall in St Pauls Cathedral when I was 9 (1978) will still be there.
34. PVRs will watch TV for you before it's broadcast, giving you prior notice of time to not watch TV.
35. The only way to pay for anything will be by Paypal.
36. Chocolate fireguards will be in use by everyone.
37. All politicians will be the same person.
38. Cars will have wheels the size of castors so as to reduce the friction and therefore make them be more efficient.
39. Cars will also have their void spaces filled with helium to make them weigh less.
40. Paving slabs will have serial numbers on them and whoever steps on them will choose that number and bet a penny. A national lottery will take place every 15 seconds.
41. The use of jigsaws will be limited to making jigsaws.
42. Tesco will be the only shop available (in an Argos stylee).
43. Emoticons will actually be a real face sent in a parcel.
44. Hats will be outlawed.
45. Licorice Allsorts will become part of state benefits.
46. A teeny weeny SD card will become everyones passport. That they will lose. The epitomy of economy of scale.
47. The economy will be run around the Euro-Fighter. Everyone will trade in war planes.
48. Airfix will start making full-size versions of everything. Brilliant!
49. Stones on paths will become a regimented size to match shoe tread leading to better traction while walking and therefore better for the economy.
50. The edges of the British Isles will be smoothed out so that water can pass by more efficently and give us a chance to use it for hydro-electricity.
/EDIT: Oh. 50 words? Bugger
Fr_Jerry_McGwier looked over both shoulders at,
Sun 18 Mar 2012, 13:12,
archived)