xmission does wellThinking about suicide but you're not sure if it's the right thing to do? Here are some tips to help you decide whether or not killing yourself is a good choice:
1. Do you live at home but your parents are always making you clean your room and do your homework? It's a sure sign that they don't love you and that they want you to kill yourself. Why else would they make you clean your room? What are they going to do next, ground you? Make you wear braces? Don't kid yourself, the message is clear.
2. If you just got out of a bad relationship and you feel like things are never going to get better; you're right. Everyone knows that suicide is the only option, stop procrastinating. Look on the bright side, at least your ex will feel guilty for a couple of minutes--but don't count on it.
3. Depressed? Don't have any friends? I guess nobody told you, but being depressed and feeling lonely isn't normal. Everyone else is happy, and has lots of friends so there must be something wrong with you. Put the prozac away, what you need is rat poison.
4. Spill a drink at a party? Drop a plate of food in a restaurant? Nobody else has to live with that kind of embarrassment; you know what you have to do.
5. Flunked out of college? Don't know algebra? Here's a question you should know the answer to: Flunked out of college + Don't know algebra = Time for _____. Chances are you still don't know the answer, so here's a hint: it starts with an 's' and ends in 'uicide'.
6. Traffic jam? Sometimes bad luck isn't a coincidence. Do you really want to sit in traffic for another half hour? Look on the bright side, if you're a viking you'll be going to Valhalla. Then again, you're probably not, but eternal damnation in hell is probably the next best thing.
7. Telemarketers keep calling? It's easier to hang yourself than to get rid of a telemarketer, am I wrong? If you're lucky, Home Depot might be having a sale on rope. After all, you don't want to die letting people think you weren't frugal.
8. Flu? You realize that there's no cure for the flu, right? Well, no cure that doesn't involve painting the wall with your brains.
9. Flat tire? Do I have to spell it out for you?
10. College application get rejected? Take the hint.
Hope you found this guide helpful, mention it in your suicide note. On second thought, why bother? Nobody will read it.
(1. Do you live at home but your parents are always making you clean your room and do your homework? It's a sure sign that they don't love you and that they want you to kill yourself. Why else would they make you clean your room? What are they going to do next, ground you? Make you wear braces? Don't kid yourself, the message is clear.
2. If you just got out of a bad relationship and you feel like things are never going to get better; you're right. Everyone knows that suicide is the only option, stop procrastinating. Look on the bright side, at least your ex will feel guilty for a couple of minutes--but don't count on it.
3. Depressed? Don't have any friends? I guess nobody told you, but being depressed and feeling lonely isn't normal. Everyone else is happy, and has lots of friends so there must be something wrong with you. Put the prozac away, what you need is rat poison.
4. Spill a drink at a party? Drop a plate of food in a restaurant? Nobody else has to live with that kind of embarrassment; you know what you have to do.
5. Flunked out of college? Don't know algebra? Here's a question you should know the answer to: Flunked out of college + Don't know algebra = Time for _____. Chances are you still don't know the answer, so here's a hint: it starts with an 's' and ends in 'uicide'.
6. Traffic jam? Sometimes bad luck isn't a coincidence. Do you really want to sit in traffic for another half hour? Look on the bright side, if you're a viking you'll be going to Valhalla. Then again, you're probably not, but eternal damnation in hell is probably the next best thing.
7. Telemarketers keep calling? It's easier to hang yourself than to get rid of a telemarketer, am I wrong? If you're lucky, Home Depot might be having a sale on rope. After all, you don't want to die letting people think you weren't frugal.
8. Flu? You realize that there's no cure for the flu, right? Well, no cure that doesn't involve painting the wall with your brains.
9. Flat tire? Do I have to spell it out for you?
10. College application get rejected? Take the hint.
Hope you found this guide helpful, mention it in your suicide note. On second thought, why bother? Nobody will read it.
Sunshine Elephant,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:25,
archived)
hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahaha
hahahahahahahha
hahahahahaha
(,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:28,
archived)
hahahahahaha
hahahahahahahha
hahahahahaha
as opposed to saving an image, and writing your name over mine?wow yeah, I can see how you got on your high horse.
( PMGT -Bacon.,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:30,
archived)
he belongs on the end of a noose,swinging from a lamppost somewhere...
( PMGT -Bacon.,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:47,
archived)
is that goldstartaken from the many that you were awarded? you "special" boy you!
(
ChaosTime The Fucking Moon Lord,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:30,
archived)
awwow, now i can operate the till at mcdonalds
( Sunshine Elephant,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:31,
archived)
and earn billionsthanks to your reckless gold star wastage
( Sunshine Elephant,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:32,
archived)
you are indeeda shrewed businessman!
( ChaosTime The Fucking Moon Lord,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:34,
archived)
I don't know where'nanaman's generator has gone
makes me a bit sad
(makes me a bit sad
kitty meow meow,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:36,
archived)
9 out of 10not bad!
What do I do next?
(What do I do next?
AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:30,
archived)
or maybestand in front of a tank entering the iraq border to protest the war.
(,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:33,
archived)
listen Scottnobosy likes you here, run along and play in the mud on your own like all good neglected children should, maybe, with some luck, you will die from the cold, its the best you can hope for really
( ChaosTime The Fucking Moon Lord,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:35,
archived)
Done and Done!Anything else I should be doing?...or do I just sit and wait?...
And what do I do when I get there?
(And what do I do when I get there?
AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:33,
archived)
anythingit cant be worse than what the current bloke is doing
( ChaosTime The Fucking Moon Lord,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:37,
archived)
pull out a laptop and fight with the trolls on b3tathat will elevate your status to 'l33t3st h4x0r al1v3!!!!!111'
(,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:37,
archived)
go homeand if you are at home, lock yourself in the garden
( ChaosTime The Fucking Moon Lord,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:38,
archived)
do you ever get depressed at the fact that you seem to keeping running out of anything even partially witty to say? PMGT -Bacon.,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:40,
archived)
I know.The first thing I'm gonna do is put you on death row!
( AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur,
Wed 24 Sep 2003, 6:42,
archived)