porn cinema cleaneri was living in France and hard up for cash, went in reply to an ad for 'general help required' to find it was sweeping up in the porno cinema after 'showings' - dirty kleenex all over the shop. did one evening as a trial, then....... was told I wasn't enthusiastic enough and shouldn't come back the next day! didn't get paid a thing. though watched an evening of rough porn, in the company of about 30 frantically busy frenchmen.
(,
Thu 13 Nov 2003, 13:35,
archived)
Jobs suck.Some of my most unmemorable positions:
1. Recycled newspaper collector - Duration: 1 Day.
When I was about 15 or 16, I was registered with a recruitment agency over summer to see what crap they'd come up for me to do. So, one morning at about 8am, I got a call from them.
'Hello!' said the Dale Winton look-a-like on the other end, who I'd met a couple of days before, 'how about this job, you uh... sit in a van and drive around all day, uh... nothing too heavy'.
So I thought 'yeah, I can do that!'. Later that day, me kitted out in pretty regular stuff, was waiting around by the window for this van to turn up. Van turned up with 2 burly blokes in the cab and a big wire mesh box thing on the back. Uh oh.
To cut a long story short, my day consisted of running around what seemed like the entire county of Warwickshire, picking up bags of recycled newspapers (or whatever the hell they felt like putting in there really) from outside people's houses, and emptying into a van, no gloves administered. Not only that, but we had a twattish driver going at 40mph and expecting us to catch up with the bags, while screaming 'I'VE GOTTA GET MY CAR IN FOR 5 FOR FUCKS SAKE, HURRY UP!!' from the cab, as we died in the baking heat.
After the day ended, I walked back 3 miles into my town, got fed and watered by the great chaps at my old job, then walked another 2 miles home.
They phoned me up next day, I told em where to go.
2. Trolley Collector - Duration: 3 Weeks.
This was my first proper job after the usual paper round everyone started on. How bad could pushing trolleys around all day be for a few hours? £3 an hour you say? Let's go!
Next time you think about throwing your trolley down the other end of the car park after doing your shopping, think again. The amount of times I've experienced people doing this and wanted to retrieve the trolley only to hurl it full pelt at their side door is quite worrying.
Rain or shine, storm or blizzard, the trolley boy goes out to take trolleys from 1 place where they are perfectly fine, to another place where they are equally fine. The trolley boy must also get ALL the trolleys in at night before he can go home, with an old guy who thinks he's Prince fucking Albert shouting words of 'encouragement' over the expanse of the car park.
The only good thing I can say that came out of that job was I booked a week's paid holiday when I started, and quit just after it. Have it Sainsburys!
3. Megabowl Wimpey Assistant - Duration: 2 months
So yeah it might not be as bad as McDicks, but seriously, don't bother working in one of these.
For £4.30 an hour, I got the unrivalled pleasure of cooking, cleaning, washing, serving cuntstomers, cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning. Seriously, in that place if you took 5 minutes to sit down, some imaginary 6th sense alarm bell would go off in the boss' head and he'd come rushing out to make sure you were polishing the cooker knobs for the 21st time that day, or that you had chopped enough vegetables to feed a small African nation.
If you were working the early shift, you'd have to prepare huge corporate meals for people coming in that night for the poor sod on the night shift to cook later, and if that was you, you cried. Sometimes you wouldn't get out until 1 or 2 AM if you were still cleaning up from the fuckers that didn't leave until 11 and decided it would be fun to trash the kitchen you'd cleaned a bit earlier.
I think the worst experience I had there however, was being greeted by an unscheduled party of school kids, who took up every lane in the alley, and of course ALL wanted food.
Try serving, keeping track of, cooking and taking out food for 28 lanes of people by yourself, with people moaning in your ear about not getting their food quick enough. I almost quit that night.
So that's a few of my greatest memories of the wonderful world of employment. Thank the sweet Lord Jesus for being a student!
(,
Thu 13 Nov 2003, 18:50,
archived)
1. Recycled newspaper collector - Duration: 1 Day.
When I was about 15 or 16, I was registered with a recruitment agency over summer to see what crap they'd come up for me to do. So, one morning at about 8am, I got a call from them.
'Hello!' said the Dale Winton look-a-like on the other end, who I'd met a couple of days before, 'how about this job, you uh... sit in a van and drive around all day, uh... nothing too heavy'.
So I thought 'yeah, I can do that!'. Later that day, me kitted out in pretty regular stuff, was waiting around by the window for this van to turn up. Van turned up with 2 burly blokes in the cab and a big wire mesh box thing on the back. Uh oh.
To cut a long story short, my day consisted of running around what seemed like the entire county of Warwickshire, picking up bags of recycled newspapers (or whatever the hell they felt like putting in there really) from outside people's houses, and emptying into a van, no gloves administered. Not only that, but we had a twattish driver going at 40mph and expecting us to catch up with the bags, while screaming 'I'VE GOTTA GET MY CAR IN FOR 5 FOR FUCKS SAKE, HURRY UP!!' from the cab, as we died in the baking heat.
After the day ended, I walked back 3 miles into my town, got fed and watered by the great chaps at my old job, then walked another 2 miles home.
They phoned me up next day, I told em where to go.
2. Trolley Collector - Duration: 3 Weeks.
This was my first proper job after the usual paper round everyone started on. How bad could pushing trolleys around all day be for a few hours? £3 an hour you say? Let's go!
Next time you think about throwing your trolley down the other end of the car park after doing your shopping, think again. The amount of times I've experienced people doing this and wanted to retrieve the trolley only to hurl it full pelt at their side door is quite worrying.
Rain or shine, storm or blizzard, the trolley boy goes out to take trolleys from 1 place where they are perfectly fine, to another place where they are equally fine. The trolley boy must also get ALL the trolleys in at night before he can go home, with an old guy who thinks he's Prince fucking Albert shouting words of 'encouragement' over the expanse of the car park.
The only good thing I can say that came out of that job was I booked a week's paid holiday when I started, and quit just after it. Have it Sainsburys!
3. Megabowl Wimpey Assistant - Duration: 2 months
So yeah it might not be as bad as McDicks, but seriously, don't bother working in one of these.
For £4.30 an hour, I got the unrivalled pleasure of cooking, cleaning, washing, serving cuntstomers, cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning. Seriously, in that place if you took 5 minutes to sit down, some imaginary 6th sense alarm bell would go off in the boss' head and he'd come rushing out to make sure you were polishing the cooker knobs for the 21st time that day, or that you had chopped enough vegetables to feed a small African nation.
If you were working the early shift, you'd have to prepare huge corporate meals for people coming in that night for the poor sod on the night shift to cook later, and if that was you, you cried. Sometimes you wouldn't get out until 1 or 2 AM if you were still cleaning up from the fuckers that didn't leave until 11 and decided it would be fun to trash the kitchen you'd cleaned a bit earlier.
I think the worst experience I had there however, was being greeted by an unscheduled party of school kids, who took up every lane in the alley, and of course ALL wanted food.
Try serving, keeping track of, cooking and taking out food for 28 lanes of people by yourself, with people moaning in your ear about not getting their food quick enough. I almost quit that night.
So that's a few of my greatest memories of the wonderful world of employment. Thank the sweet Lord Jesus for being a student!