I feel I've already answered this one with the pranks thread,but who am I to resist the strident demands of b3ta?
Current roommate! Ah, let me take a moment to savor the love I feel for her. Much the same sort of love that one would feel for a particularly tenacious strain of the stomach flu.
She does many things to endear herself to me.
Bleaching her hair in the room is bad enough, as that stuff smells horrible and she never opens a window. It is made worse, however, when she spills it on the carpet. Our carpet now looks like it's got the mange.
I wouldn't mind her watching TV, if she didn't happen to do it at 4 am. With the volume on high. When I have class the next morning at 8 am. And it really would help if it wasn't MTV. MTV all the time. She'll watch the same episode of a show 15 times. The 16th time she'll say, 'Oh, I've seen this before.' Then she'll leave it on and watch it again.
If I have something like yogurt in the fridge, and she wants to put something of hers in, she'll take my yogurt out and put it somewhere to spoil. I didn't find one for two months, and when I finally did I opened it and discovered a thriving colony of something green and fuzzy.
She will go out and get roaringly drunk as often as she possibly can. This would be annoying but tolerable on Fridays and weekends, but when she does it on weeknights, when *I* have class in the morning, it is not a good time.
She has a tendency, when drunk, to bring random frat guys back to the room. I once was rudely awakened at 5 am on a Wednesday night (or Thursday morning) by sounds of, ahem, thrusting. And squealing. I put my hands over my eyes and said, very loudly, 'It is fucking 5am. I need to go to class in 2 hours. I can fucking hear you, you know. Get. Out.'
The sounds stopped for about minute. Then a guy's voice said, 'That must be your roommate.' Dear Roomie said, 'Yeah. That's her.' The thrusting and squealing then recommenced. I think I was in shock for about a minute, then I got up, stormed out, and slept in one of my hallmate's rooms.
Screamed bloody murder at her the next morning, though. She didn't talk to me for two days. Thought I was being 'unreasonable'. I yelled all sorts of things about 'common decency' and 'the mildest of regard for human beings'. Eventually I came to learn that these were concepts with which she was not acquainted.
If I don't get a single next year someone in Housing is going to get it.
(Current roommate! Ah, let me take a moment to savor the love I feel for her. Much the same sort of love that one would feel for a particularly tenacious strain of the stomach flu.
She does many things to endear herself to me.
Bleaching her hair in the room is bad enough, as that stuff smells horrible and she never opens a window. It is made worse, however, when she spills it on the carpet. Our carpet now looks like it's got the mange.
I wouldn't mind her watching TV, if she didn't happen to do it at 4 am. With the volume on high. When I have class the next morning at 8 am. And it really would help if it wasn't MTV. MTV all the time. She'll watch the same episode of a show 15 times. The 16th time she'll say, 'Oh, I've seen this before.' Then she'll leave it on and watch it again.
If I have something like yogurt in the fridge, and she wants to put something of hers in, she'll take my yogurt out and put it somewhere to spoil. I didn't find one for two months, and when I finally did I opened it and discovered a thriving colony of something green and fuzzy.
She will go out and get roaringly drunk as often as she possibly can. This would be annoying but tolerable on Fridays and weekends, but when she does it on weeknights, when *I* have class in the morning, it is not a good time.
She has a tendency, when drunk, to bring random frat guys back to the room. I once was rudely awakened at 5 am on a Wednesday night (or Thursday morning) by sounds of, ahem, thrusting. And squealing. I put my hands over my eyes and said, very loudly, 'It is fucking 5am. I need to go to class in 2 hours. I can fucking hear you, you know. Get. Out.'
The sounds stopped for about minute. Then a guy's voice said, 'That must be your roommate.' Dear Roomie said, 'Yeah. That's her.' The thrusting and squealing then recommenced. I think I was in shock for about a minute, then I got up, stormed out, and slept in one of my hallmate's rooms.
Screamed bloody murder at her the next morning, though. She didn't talk to me for two days. Thought I was being 'unreasonable'. I yelled all sorts of things about 'common decency' and 'the mildest of regard for human beings'. Eventually I came to learn that these were concepts with which she was not acquainted.
If I don't get a single next year someone in Housing is going to get it.
TheFelineAnarchist,
Tue 18 Nov 2003, 1:36,
archived)
WHY?Why the watermelon would you open a yoghurt that's been 'evolving' for 2 months??!???!!!!!
AND, then be surprized to discover a whole new colony of lifeforms!?!
(AND, then be surprized to discover a whole new colony of lifeforms!?!
Cheeky Boy! loves horses...,
Wed 19 Nov 2003, 13:51,
archived)