I'd nominate my flatemate jonBack at university I lived next door to this guy who helped to run a university sponsored dance club. For some reason this required him to be off his bonce on E all the time, and to play intensely loud techno through my bedroom wall at all hours. In fact the only time it was quiet was when the fucker was out running the club.
One night Jon returned from clubbing, on, we estimate 8 Es. He came in as normal, but quickly went balistic, and started screaming at Sean (our token stoner flatmate)'s door. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH SARAH YOU C*NT! WHERE IS SARAH? YOU BASTARD, I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU. I mean, in a REALLY unhinged way. He then started to kick Sean's door down. This took about half an hour, all of the time he was screaming that Sean had done something to Sarah. I honestly thought
a) He was going to kill Sean
b) Sean had actually done something to Sarah, and Jon was going to kill Sean
After trembling in my bed for the remainder of the night imagining Jon stalking the flat with a knife, I awoke to a silent flat, Sean's broken door, and the explanation.
'Sarah' was Jon's Sarah Lee chocolate cake, which he had purchased that morning. Sean had got stoned, eaten the whole cake, and then gone out to his girlfriend's....
(One night Jon returned from clubbing, on, we estimate 8 Es. He came in as normal, but quickly went balistic, and started screaming at Sean (our token stoner flatmate)'s door. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH SARAH YOU C*NT! WHERE IS SARAH? YOU BASTARD, I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU. I mean, in a REALLY unhinged way. He then started to kick Sean's door down. This took about half an hour, all of the time he was screaming that Sean had done something to Sarah. I honestly thought
a) He was going to kill Sean
b) Sean had actually done something to Sarah, and Jon was going to kill Sean
After trembling in my bed for the remainder of the night imagining Jon stalking the flat with a knife, I awoke to a silent flat, Sean's broken door, and the explanation.
'Sarah' was Jon's Sarah Lee chocolate cake, which he had purchased that morning. Sean had got stoned, eaten the whole cake, and then gone out to his girlfriend's....
expf,
Tue 18 Nov 2003, 11:05,
archived)
that's what always suprised mei thought he would have been utterly blissed out but his mates said that at some point in the evening he would just flip (hence the 8e estimate). Looking back I think his issues ran a bit deeper than the drugs...
Once he became convinced that the guy he bought dope off was microwaving the blocks of resin to make them expand, and ripping pople off by pretending there was more of it than there really was. So in the dead of night, he broke into the dealer's block of flats at the hall of residence he lived in, and stole EVERY microwave from every kitchen (it was a big block - I think about 20 flats) - not just the dealer's own flat. He had them stacked in his room for a couple of days until he managed to pick the lock of a storage cupboard and he packed them in there. Took the cleaners a few days more to find them.
Come to think of it before he came to university i think he did quite a lot of housebreaking. Once he told me about how he had fallen out with his previous housemate and decided to leave. Feeling a bit aggrieved, he decided the flatmate owed him, and he decided to nick his 24 inch telly. He calmly called a taxi, explained that he'd fallen out with his flatmate, and wanted to leave quietly with his stuff, so would it be ok to cart some bits and pieces with him. The taxi driver was very sympathetic, and actuall went back into the house to help him with the video, stereo etc. and carry it to the cab.
Nutter.
(Once he became convinced that the guy he bought dope off was microwaving the blocks of resin to make them expand, and ripping pople off by pretending there was more of it than there really was. So in the dead of night, he broke into the dealer's block of flats at the hall of residence he lived in, and stole EVERY microwave from every kitchen (it was a big block - I think about 20 flats) - not just the dealer's own flat. He had them stacked in his room for a couple of days until he managed to pick the lock of a storage cupboard and he packed them in there. Took the cleaners a few days more to find them.
Come to think of it before he came to university i think he did quite a lot of housebreaking. Once he told me about how he had fallen out with his previous housemate and decided to leave. Feeling a bit aggrieved, he decided the flatmate owed him, and he decided to nick his 24 inch telly. He calmly called a taxi, explained that he'd fallen out with his flatmate, and wanted to leave quietly with his stuff, so would it be ok to cart some bits and pieces with him. The taxi driver was very sympathetic, and actuall went back into the house to help him with the video, stereo etc. and carry it to the cab.
Nutter.
expf,
Tue 18 Nov 2003, 13:32,
archived)
I'm not quite sure whybut I think that may be the funniest thing I've heard all month
(
Lisette von Falcon,
Tue 18 Nov 2003, 20:03,
archived)