well he wasn't *my* flatmateshamefully, I was actually sleeping with him at the time. He was my best mate's flatmate though so I think it counts.
His first crime was that he was thoroughly disgusting -
he ate a lot of tinned fish. A LOT of tinned fish.
he used to cook revolting concoctions, eat them straight out of the frying pan, and when he was done, leave the half-full pan of food under the couch or coffee table.
he used to take about 40 minutes to have a crap and leave his teacup behind him in the toilet.
he had this ultra-vile lampshade by his bed which he had brought back from his travels. it was allegedly made out of camel hide and when the lamp was switched on, it reeked the whole room out (to be fair this mostly affected me, as I used to have to inhale the fumes during our sex sessions).
he had a 5 litre whisky bottle which he had been using to store his own urine for the previous three years.
The pinnacle of his flatmate crimes came when he fell out with the other guy who lived in the house (who I had also slept with, I was a prime scrubber). Anyway this guy had done something to his room - I think he hid some mouldy vegetables under the bed or something kind of lame - and my charming lover, in retaliation, collected up some used condoms and pinned them behind the drapes on his flatmate's wall. And left them there. For months, until the jizz went bright orange and started to reek like nothing else I have ever smelled.
Sometimes I can't remember what I saw in him.
(,
Wed 19 Nov 2003, 22:11,
archived)
His first crime was that he was thoroughly disgusting -
he ate a lot of tinned fish. A LOT of tinned fish.
he used to cook revolting concoctions, eat them straight out of the frying pan, and when he was done, leave the half-full pan of food under the couch or coffee table.
he used to take about 40 minutes to have a crap and leave his teacup behind him in the toilet.
he had this ultra-vile lampshade by his bed which he had brought back from his travels. it was allegedly made out of camel hide and when the lamp was switched on, it reeked the whole room out (to be fair this mostly affected me, as I used to have to inhale the fumes during our sex sessions).
he had a 5 litre whisky bottle which he had been using to store his own urine for the previous three years.
The pinnacle of his flatmate crimes came when he fell out with the other guy who lived in the house (who I had also slept with, I was a prime scrubber). Anyway this guy had done something to his room - I think he hid some mouldy vegetables under the bed or something kind of lame - and my charming lover, in retaliation, collected up some used condoms and pinned them behind the drapes on his flatmate's wall. And left them there. For months, until the jizz went bright orange and started to reek like nothing else I have ever smelled.
Sometimes I can't remember what I saw in him.
two queries:a) did he only produce 5 litres of piss in three years?
b) does jizz go orange over time? Amazing what you learn on b3ta.
(b) does jizz go orange over time? Amazing what you learn on b3ta.
chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist,
Wed 19 Nov 2003, 22:20,
archived)
no he only pissed in there on special occasionsand yes jizz goes orange. First orange, then eventually black.
Or maybe it was just him, with his diet of pilchards.
(,
Thu 20 Nov 2003, 9:10,
archived)
Or maybe it was just him, with his diet of pilchards.
Well,What DID you see in him? My girlfriend complains if I eat Ready Brek. I'm amazed anyone would put up with a man who, apart from anything else, bottles his own urine. You've given hope to many a single man out there with..erm..odd habits.
(,
Thu 20 Nov 2003, 11:21,
archived)
I was only youngMy suggestion to any similar males out there is to go for young, impressionable girls who might just about believe it when you tell them that everyone else bottles their pee too.
(being very good in bed doesn't hurt either)
(,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 16:01,
archived)
(being very good in bed doesn't hurt either)
The gushfirst it goes red .... then it goes black .... and then you die .... it's very sad, when a porn star gets the gush
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side,
Thu 20 Nov 2003, 13:08,
archived)